Like so much in our dark and stupid political era, the old “This time is different” trope has been played to death and watered down to the point of meaninglessness, especially when it comes to the immutable constant of the MAGA cult’s unquestioning loyalty to their Orange God Emperor. That he could literally fucking imprison their foreign-born spouses and ruin their livelihoods on a whim and still they would never lose faith in his divinity says enough. And yet… this time really is kind of different. The latest Jeffrey Epstein coverup isn’t the Iran strikes where the MAGA base was split sort of evenly between the “FUCK YEAH! PROTECT ISRAEL!” and the “NO MORE WARS EVER” sides and it was smoothed over quickly by the limited nature of the campaign, allowing them to move on to the next outrage cycle. This time it’s Trump fanboys angrily despondent over the failure to release everything the government has on Jeffrey Epstein versus the Trump fanboys not saying anything, wishing it would go away – plus Trump himself. Even if it’s extremely unlikely this time will end differently, the unease is extraordinarily palpable in these posts. Unless otherwise noted, all these comments were on stories specifically about Trump snapping at the Epstein question:
“You campaigned on releasing the List. Bondi announced she had it on her desk. Loudly condemning those that question why that promise is being broken only leads to unhealthy speculation on who might be on the list” – Top Comment on WeLoveTrump Report’s article. Wonder how long it took for him to write that comment and whether it was the product of agonized internal deliberation on how best to voice the apprehension evident in the “unhealthy speculation on who might be on the list” part. Like he couldn’t bring himself to post the Occam’s Razor explanation for why Trump was so triggered by the question but had to at least hint at it. Honestly, and from an outside perspective, it was a solid wordsmithing effort. Toes the line pretty gracefully for a MAGA shitposter.
“Yeah… That is following the dots. ‘Intel services are at the very center of the story. US and Israeli, and they’re being protected.’ I do not know how else anybody could spin this” – Top Comment on BizPacReview’s article about Tucker Carlson’s theories on the Epstein shitshow. Of course the article itself doesn’t go into the rabbit hole of Jeffy’s supposed connections to the Mossad and the CIA because that would kind of be an acknowledgement that Trump is powerless against and unwilling to expose a foreign/Deep State intel operation while Tucker himself seems alright pointing there.
“Epstein is dead, he will never molest anyone ever again, a small amount of justice has been exacted with his death. Who does it serve to keep making an issue out of this. With the Watergate like events surrounding the whole of the Biden years and this Epstein whirling dervish mudding the waters of the crimes of the Biden years seems to only be aiding the communist democrats” – The former top Comment on Blaze Media’s article. Former because it was tops as of around 2:30 PM EDT on Tuesday before it was sunk with downvotes. Kept it here for posterity and that it’s one of few here coming anywhere close to obeying the Orange Tyrant’s apparent official line on Epstein.
Mr. President- Yes, we still care about Epstein. Is there a time to not care about child sex trafficking? Read the damn room.
— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) July 8, 2025
“Sorry, Donald, many of us expected something more out of your Administration on the whole Jeffrey Epstein escapade from who all was involved in the debauchery on the island to what EXACTLY happened in the demise of Epstein to Miss Guiffre’s death. This is a bit fishy that it’s all being swept under the rug. Your supporters are VERY disappointed” – Top Comment on the Gateway Pundit’s article. Guess “VERY disappointed” is as harsh as one could hope for from that cesspool.
“They have the list. The problem is it would probably wipe out 75 percent of Congress and some of the richest political doners in the world. And Trump isn’t on the list because he disassociated himself from Epstein in the early 2000s. Clinton pretty much lived there” – Top Comment on the New York Post’s article. Note how this asshole, who’s pretty obviously a Trump fan, asserts that (1) Donald isn’t on the list (2) Bill Clinton definitely is (3) but that the fat fuck is protecting Clinton “75 percent of Congress and some of the richest political doners [sic] in the world” by not releasing the list.
But Trump says there are no files. Then he says stop taking about it. 47 just triggered the mother of all Streisand effects..
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 9, 2025
“‘This Guy’ apparently trafficked hundreds, if not thousands, of underage girls to other people, and apparently took video of it and used that video to blackmail government officials… And WE’RE the bad guys for not letting it go? OUR PRESIDENT has been accused of being one of the people compromised. OUR GOVERNMENT is blatantly, stubbornly unresponsive to our demands. I for one want Trump cleared, I want spending cut, I want departments abolished, I want wars ended, I want the evidence released, and I want all the participants put in prison. Consequences bedamned. I don’t care if it was every other living president, every foreign king and diplomat, Bibi and the Pope finger-cuffing Virginia Giuffre on the Island, I want it revealed and those people incarcerated” – Top Comment on The Right Scoop’s article. Lots of emotion in that one. Love the “every other living president” and “want Trump cleared.” Similar but much more blunt than the earlier carefully written post on WLT Report, yet not blunt enough to arrive at the simplest explanation available: Trump is keeping the files sealed so he isn’t implicated in statutory rape and sex trafficking.
“Trump bears some of the blame if we are talking about it. He told us he would release the Epstein files. His AG said they would release those files. Now he says don’t talk about it anymore?” – Top Comment on Red State’s article. Who the fuck else “bears the blame”? Bondi, K$H, and Bongino absolutely did do a shitty job managing the fanboys’ expectations. However, they – in that order of hierarchy – report to Trump and he ultimately bears not “some” but ALL of the blame.
Trump is the best president we have had, but man, is he handling the Epstein case poorly
— Chuck Callesto (@ChuckCallesto) July 8, 2025
“The epstein cover-up has been going on for years and for the Trump admin attempt to bury it will cast a dark shadow on his Presidency. I’ve been a Staunch supporter of Trump since 2016, but the reason I voted for him 3 times now is because I thought he was the best candidate to expose and at least try to rid DC of the deep state and corruption. The epstein issue is more important than just the deep state and corruption because it involves accusations of abuse and exploitation of children by the elite, celebrities and politicians. That’s evil! For bondi to say back in Feb 2025 that there’s a case to now stating there is no case is troubling, to say the least” – Top Comment on the Fox News article and a good one because if you squint and not all that hard at the middle of it you see DNA in common with libs’ frustration over never getting a straight answer on so many unresolved questions from fat bastard’s now-decade-long crime spree. Now you know how it feels, cocksucker.
“I’m not surprised. JFK was going to fire J Edgar Hoover. He called Hoover into the Oval Office. Hoover arrived with a stack of file folders under one arm. He smiled at Kennedy’s secretary as he entered the Oval Office and shut the door. Half an hour later he walked out again, still holding the folders, smiled again at the secretary, and left. A few moments later, a visibly shaken President emerged. He looked at his aide and said, ‘That sonofabitch knows EVERYTHING.’ I doubt very much that much has changed” – Top Comment on Hot Air’s article, posted minutes before Trump and Bondi said what they did on live television in the cabinet meeting. Still about as flattering to Trump as a pic of his cock with its portrayal of him as a scared and weak old bag of shit.
One can understand Epstein was a demon and agree justice was not properly served to his co-conspirators, while also realizing that the world has moved on, nothing else will be released, and harping on Jeffrey Epstein will not help us win the midterms or the WH in ‘28.
— John Cardillo (@johncardillo) July 8, 2025
“Bruh. Trump gaslighting the reporter over a valid question is maaaaaad suuus. Just sayin. Yea, we have other important things going on but this is equally as important because it greatly undermines the credibility of the DOJ and FBI. However it is, rep or dem, they are definitely hiding something SMH…” – Top Comment on Daily Wire’s article. Unclear why the commenter writes like a 40-something trying to sound like a high-schooler, though it’s possible he was practicing since 40-something men who try to date high schoolers are kind of a prime MAGA demographic.
“No way to sugarcoat this. This is bad” – Top Comment on Breitbart’s article, one that they took their sweet fucking time printing as the timestamp on the “oldest” comment was 6:57 PM EDT on Tuesday. Also apparently buried as the thread only has 104 comments. Compare that to “Report: FBI Launches Investigation into John Brennan, James Comey Over Trump-Russia Probe,” which had 6,893 comments as of 11:41 AM EDT on Wednesday. Almost like that was the point…
WTF are you doing?
— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) July 9, 2025
“DJT has shown incredible wisdom during the first six months of term number two. With regard to the Epstein case: (1) Perhaps there is information that could compromise the CIA’s effort to gather intelligence.; (2) Some of the girls’ families would be put at risk if certain information is released; (3) Bondi mentioned that there is evidence of Epstein’s involvement in child pornography. It could be that law enforcement is closing in on a pedophile ring. He’s been very transparent so far, so I’m thinking that there are some things currently beyond his control in the Epstein case. Remember, this is a man who has risked everything (his financial well-being, his reputation, his life, etc) to serve as president and benefit the American people. Something is weird here, but we’ll have to trust DJT. So far, he has done a lot to expose government corruption. He hasn’t let us down yet” – Top Comment on PJ Media’s article, one that, despite its hilarious headline “Let’s Break Down the Reality of This ‘Non-Existent’ Epstein List (Sorry Libs, Trump Isn’t on It),” the author makes pretty plain he feels let down, writing that Trump’s “response to the lack of Epstein’s list isn’t a good look, especially since Elon Musk warned us we would never see the Epstein files because Trump is in it.” More likely than not that the subscriber – Disqus is paywalled on PJ Media – didn’t actually read it, lol.
“AMEN TRUMP!!!!!! He took the very words out if my mouth! It’s over and done with except in obsessed right wingers’ mind. What is obsessing over it going to accomplish? What’s the end game? You just want to see rich dudes ‘get theirs’? God will avenge. Let it go and get on with your lives” – Top Comment on TownHall’s article and an interesting one since, just like sister site PJ Media, TownHall’s Disqus threads are paywalled, and yet the commenter writes “obsessed right wingers” as though she doesn’t subscribe to a site by and for obsessed right wingers. Also funny is that she wrote basically the same thing on Hot Air and got downvoted to hell.
Looks like the America Party is going to run on the issue of Jeffrey Epstein ahead of the 2026 midterms.
— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) July 8, 2025
“They have it, but they are protecting someone” – Top Comment on the Daily Caller’s article. You know it’s a bad day for MAGA when the “They” is Trump and his minions.
“Time to let Maxwell out of jail if there isn’t any clients. Deep State survives” – Top Comment on OANN’s Monday article headlined “Memo: DOJ concludes Epstein committed suicide, found ‘no incriminating client list.'” No subsequent articles about Trump snapping at the reporter on Tuesday appear to have been printed at the low-budget right wing propaganda network’s website. Probably for the better since that commenter’s independent thinking poses a threat to the Reich.
The top Tuesday post on QAnon fan site GreatAwakening.win and holy fuck it is so QAnon, lol.
“If that’s true, the bad guys knew that and used that minute to do their dirty deed(s). We aren’t retarded, Pam Bondi. STOP PROTECTING PEDOS!” – Top comment on a Patriots.win post headlined “Pam Bondi on Epstein: ‘The minute missing from the video… What we learned from the bureau of prisons, every night they redo that video. It’s old from like 1999. Every night the video is reset. Every night should have the same minute missing…'” that was hilariously outraged enough but the top reply is just fucking gold: “I’ve seen the mission impossible movies and a lot of heist movies. This is common knowledge if you’re going to do something bad it’s when the cameras go off for maintenance or there’s a guard shift change or they’re going to reboot their sensors or whatever.”
“The problem that the current administration has is that even though they may not be guilty about any crimes involving Epstein, there seem to be a large number of powerful, connected people who were on Epstein’s client list. You have to know these perverted elites are pushing every button they can reach in Washington, to suppress this client list information. All it would really take is to have several current and former GOP politicians and fund-raisers on that list, and much hell will be threatened against the Trump administration if the info is released… Remember, the GOP has razor thin margins in the Senate and Congress!” – Top Comment on Twitchy’s article and a very strong contender for greatest MAGA Land comment of all time. Not top ten, not top five, but top one.
The reason that Trump is holding back is because “the GOP has razor thin margins in the Senate and Congress” and he doesn’t want to have them removed and imprisoned for raping underage girls on Epstein island? Holy. Fucking. Shit. That is… Some of us have been at this for a long time and we’ve become pretty good at satirizing MAGA nonsense on the internet, and yet we could never dream of being able to come up with something like that as joke… And yet this guy was serious.