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Tums ups the ante in the “Big Game” game

“One in four Big Game watchers experience occasional heartburn from their favorite foods – and 75 percent of those fans are unprepared, without relief on hand*. This year, ahead of football’s biggest showdown, TUMS is debuting the first-ever Burn Ball – a limited-edition, custom-designed football, specifically engineered to pass the TUMS and deliver fast-acting heartburn relief on game day! The most aerodynamic TUMS case ever created, the Burn Ball is made to be passed, thrown and cracked open when heartburn strikes, revealing a bottle of TUMS Chewy Bites inside. Available for purchase in a limited run exclusively on TUMSshop.com, the Burn Ball is a must-have for any Big Game watch party,” says a press release headlined “TUMS Unveils Sweepstakes and Limited-Edition Burn Ball to Help Fans ‘Pass the TUMS’ Ahead of Football’s Big Game,” touting the new merch drop.

Yeah, you should totally spend $30.00 plus shipping for a novelty football with America’s top antacid brand’s logo on it like right now, while supplies last and… Alright the design’s kind of cool. Maybe worth springing for two bottles of Tums in like a special promo pack or something, but not for $30.

Anyway they’re also taking the “Big Game” game up to the next level too with this social media sweepstakes thing where a grand prize winner will get $5,000 and second prizers a $50 Uber Eats gift card if they post a #PassTheTUMSSweepstakes video of them passing the Tums around creatively and God freaking dammit that is so sad that this is how they do their marketing on social media. What’s funny though is the terms, specifically one extremely overlawyered yet vague section:

Your Post/Comment must not mention or prominently display material that violates or infringes another’s rights, including but not limited to privacy, publicity or intellectual property rights, or that constitutes copyright infringement;

Therefore your Post/Comment must not contain content created by a third party, such as logos, branded products (other than Sponsor’s products), music (other than Sponsor’s custom sound), images or artwork.

Now THAT, ladies and gents, is how the Big Game game is played. They’re not going to explain to you that you can’t wear your priceless Ron Mexico #7 Atlanta Falcons jersey in your stupid, amateurishly-acted PassTheTUMSSweepstakes video or even have the “Big Game” on the TV while you’re filming yourself throwing a bottle of Tums at your bros who are gurgling bad after the generic brand buffalo wings started barking at them, nor can you even so much as whisper “SUPER BOWL” in it. If you do then you’re disqualified and fuck you thanks for the free ad, dumbass.

Yet Tums’s legal team don’t actually spell it out like that. They’re just setting you up to fail.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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