“Niagara County Sheriff Michael Filicetti announces the arrest of a 33-year-old Buffalo man following a motor vehicle accident involving a patrol vehicle. At approximately 15:06 hours, a marked Niagara County Sheriff’s Office patrol vehicle was stopped in traffic while traveling southbound on Lockport Junction Road at the intersection with Saunders Settlement Road. While waiting at the intersection, the patrol vehicle was rear-ended by a 2017 Chevrolet Cruze.”

“Following an investigation at the scene, deputies determined that the driver of the striking vehicle, Eric M Mende, 33, of Buffalo, New York, was intoxicated. Mende was taken into custody and transported to the Sheriff’s Office, where he submitted to a chemical breath test. Mende is charged with Aggravated Driving While Intoxicated (BAC higher than 0.18), open container, and additional Vehicle and Traffic law Infractions. Mende was remanded to the Niagara County Correctional Facility pending centralized arraignment. The police officer operating the marked patrol unit was transported to a local hospital for evaluation,” says a press release from the Niagara County, New York Sheriff’s Office on a spectacularly embarrassing failure to properly drive while drunk.

But it’s the Republican voter registration record that makes this truly special. The record says he voted in 2012 and 2013. Then after a long gap he got back into it and reregistered with the GOP in 2023 just ahead of some local elections and then in 2024. The timeline speaks to a guy who maybe got stuck waiting a while for a doctor’s appointment and Fox News was on in the waiting room and he decided he liked what they were saying about Hunter Biden, decided that it was on him as an American to right the wrongs and become a Republican. That would make his life appreciably better and happier and ensure that he’d never hit rock bottom and the back of a police car in broad fucking daylight on a Tuesday while drunk on God knows what dogshit brand of fortified wine or something.