If you had any serious doubts about National Zero’s theory that the Tuesday Daily Mail BOOBSHELL story about Byron Noem’s weird sexual fetish and cross-dressing habits was simply an internal Kristi Noem antagonist’s expired kompromat being dumped to a discount outlet for allegorical pennies on the dollar then be prepared to de-serious-ify those doubts. The Mail now reports Byron’s kinks were an “open secret” within the Orange God Emperor’s lair and, understandably, a target of snickering.
“I’ve heard people say Bryon dresses up in women’s clothes, but I didn’t imagine something this reckless. It certainly wasn’t on my bingo card,” one Trump minion told the Mail, adding that during the vetting process the FBI looks “into who you are married to, but there are not any questions about whether your husband has any secret fetishes. They’re not digging through online chatrooms to get dirt on a secretary’s husband. That could get sticky.” Meaning that this person had heard said rumors but did not think to maybe tell K$H Patel that he might want to look into it and get ahead of any foreign malefactors whom would use it to blackmail the Secretary of Homeland Security.
“I have been hearing he was a cross-dresser since last year and that [Kristi Noem] was telling people about it – we assumed to justify her affair,” a “senior” DHS official said, and lol that’s just really fucking funny. You assumed correctly, bro. You just didn’t follow through and realize that the justification angle could be predicated on it actually being true. “Everyone assumed it was not a normal marriage. He was either cool with her being banged by someone else, or he wasn’t into women,” said another source, who said he had also speculated that Byron had a “cuck fetish.”
A South Dakota source was initially horrified when the British rag first picked up the Corey affair circa 2021. “As a married man, I can’t imagine anything more humiliating than my wife’s boyfriend being in the Daily Mail.” A mutual friend then told the man “Yeah, they’ve got an arrangement.”
“It was widely known,” the Mount Rushmore Stater said, adding “We knew Kristi and Bryon had a full breakdown in sexual relations. He’s interested in other stuff. I didn’t know he had fake breasts.”