Rescue personnel with the Coast Guard and Hawaii County Fire Department on Tuesday continued searching for a third day for 63 year-old angler Mark Knittle who disappeared in the waters about four miles off Honaunau early Sunday morning, immediately after yelling “This fish is huge!” and being pulled overboard and underwater by the large ahi tuna he had hooked, the AP reports.
Not sure what else to write here. The account of what was very likely Knittle’s last moments relies on only one witness, but you would have to expect that cops are looking at that person very closely to see if there would be any motive for them to fake such an accident. Barring that, we’re left with what’ll probably end up the kind of funeral everyone laughs through tears, and “This fish is huge!” ends up in bold letters on Knittle’s headstone, jokes about how Hemingway’s waiting just inside the Pearly Gates, ready to punch Knittle in the face in a jealous rage. We should all be so lucky to cash out on a cartoonish mishap where the tuna hooked a human for his kind for once rather than expiring in a decrepit hospice from COVID or brain cancer wrought by stupid artificial sweeteners.