A registered Republican Florida man is lucky to only be facing an animal cruelty charge after tossing a dog at an Aventura cop who responded to an altercation at a park, CBS Miami reports.

Mordechai Oaknin, 66, was in the middle of a dispute of an unspecified nature in a local dog park when at least one officer showed up to intervene… And yeah he threw the dog. This article’s actually going to end up being longer than the upstream source. There was nothing else to it.

It’s also kind of boring by Florida standards, right? Like last year we had not one but two indecent exposure suspects who claimed to be suffering from zipper malfunctions. There was the parrot pirate. The lady who drunkenly drove a golf cart naked through the scene of a six hour shootout between cops and a guy firing at them from the roof. The other lady high on bath salts who was named “Snape” but called herself “Harry Potter.” Shit, we even have a more entertaining story about a Florida man throwing a live animal. Then the “Booty Patrol” truck. The SovCit’s truck with the self-printed license plate that said “DO NOT DETAIN” because he was protected under the “GLOBAL POSTAL UNION TREATY.” The jackass who robbed a Burger King for food and was arrested while hiding in the men’s room to eat it. The two women arrested for sticking up a Taco Bell for food. The Villager who smashed himself on the head with a plate to make it look like his ex-wife – that he was still living with – had started the fight. The cop arrested for DUI in uniform, in his patrol car…

Holy shit we could be here all night underscoring why Oaknin’s such a goddamn amateur Floridian.