Woodstock, Illinois paper straw factory owner Guy Spinelli is a little glum lately, telling the Washington Post that everything was going great for his business until convicted felon President Trump – who Spinelli voted for – signed that executive order banning purchases of the straws by federal government agencies. Even though Spinelli does no business whatsoever with the government, and obviously paper straws are by no means banned for use by private enterprise, his buyers are for whatever reason moving back to plastic. The 75 year-old former paper mill laborer expects to do a tenth of the $800,000 in business he did in 2024, all this after investing over $2 million from his life’s savings into developing the straw and launching the company in 2023.

“Our distributors are saying, ‘Everyone’s going back to plastic now because of the president. The president I voted for, the man who says ‘Let’s make America great again, let’s help small businesses grow,’ that man is going to put me out of business,” Spinelli said, adding “Why doesn’t the president reach out to some of us manufacturers and say, ‘Hey, what’s going on with this straw business?’ I drink the same beverage he does – Diet Coke – and my straw lasts all day long,” as if Trump cares.

Perhaps the cruelest part is that in 2023 none other than Fox News douchebag Jesse Watters gave Spinelli’s brand “Boss Straw” high marks for staying intact in a cup of water for 24 hours.