BREAKING: Jury reaches verdict in big celebrity case!

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! BREAKING NEWS! The big celebrity case that went viral reaches a verdict! They’re going to read it any minute! THIS IS HUGE! Everyone’s talking about it! It’s like a really big moment! So go check TMZ or something because we’re not reporting it here. This is National Zero. Our big stupid meaningless verdict coverage was yesterday. And today. Probably a few more articles. Or “articles”. We’re not down with the celebrity bullshit court cases, just the political bullshit court cases.

Boris Johnson planned military raid on Holland to get COVID vaxes

Former Arizona GOP Senator endorses Harris/Walz

WATCH LIVE: Orange Felon screams at cult in Pennsylvania

Marine Le Pen may be completely screwed in 2027 election

Orange Satan prays to the Archangel Michael for protection

More than 60 dead across South after Hurricane Helene

Senator Stepford Wife (R-AL) decries IVF’s use as a political football

Rasmussen polls even more of a scam than originally thought

Tom Emmer lies to anchor’s face and says JD Vance is “very likable”

US fighter jets pew-pew ISIS and Al-Qaeda targets in Syria

Former Florida Republican Congressional candidate charged with threatening to kill opponent, ’cause why not?

Surprise! Republicans and Dems split on Electoral College: polls

Debate Loser again denies he’s filing lawsuit against ABC’s Muir

Big Trucks, Big Fun, Sick Burn!

Harris leads in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nebraska’s 2nd: NYT polls

Random thoughts Friday, Volume CXCIII

Horologists largely agree: Trump’s watches are Chinese-made crap

White Sox set record for Major League frustration

West Virginia GOP finally calls for state senator with priors to resign after a li’l ol’ drunk driving arrest

WATCH LIVE: Trump-Harris doubleheader

IDF thinks they canceled Hezbollah’s top leader

John Gotti’s grandson pleads guilty to COVID relief fund scam

Screenshot, chaser

Supreme Court spikes RFK Jr bid to get on New York ballot

Helene death toll rises to at least 22

WATCH LIVE: Trump-RFK Jr rally in Michigan

Debate Loser threatens Google over some made-up bullshit

Judge Chutkan now just fucking with Trump over evidence filing

Harris 53 – Trump 42 in Nebraska’s 2nd District: CNN poll

“No changing y’all two’s minds”

Germany sending troops to Poland

Kremlin asset thanks Zelensky for help with “impeachment hoax”

Hippo attack survivor doesn’t recommend the experience

Orange Felon not undorsing Big Mark

Team Trump claims he’s going to Springfield, for real, no bullshit

Argentinian poverty rate now at 53 percent with Milei reigning

Four dead, millions without power in Florida after Helene landfall

Calm and concise Kamala

Romney worried MAGA terrorists will kill family if he endorses Harris

Alabama NITROs second inmate

Springfield officials turned down conference call with Jaydee when they found out he was planning to let local MAGA voters join

Breitbart reports Bidenomics threatening their favorite Italian bistro

Hochul looking into removing Adams

Trump Media co-founder makes $100 million off stock sham

And yet another reason to never fly on a Boeing

Zelenskyy to meet with corrupt real estate developer

Corey Lewandowski’s brain cell malfunctions, forgets 2020

Kamala tormenting Donald in Bloomberg swing state polls

Helene is so fierce, she’s closing Waffle Houses

Frau Ingraham and Kevin McCarthy wishcast for Biden comeback