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Iranian officials on Tuesday ordered government offices and banks across wide swaths of the country to close Wednesday to conserve electricity during a brutal heatwave straining the nation’s already shitty power grid, the AP reports on the day-to-day of living in a conservative theocratic state ruled by a powerful singular dictator whose authority is unquestioned even as his competence in delivering the basics in the 21st century is, well… You read all the words before that, right?

Worth asking how much this is going to cost their economy, shutting down for a day and how many such lost days would equal the cost of modernizing the electrical grid. Such a digression itself loops back to the main point that this grating article is straining to hit its audience over the head with, that the constant failures of such base fucking revanchist small dick-powered governance are universal no matter what costume your leader wears or the type of suffering he forces on women.

Convicted felon President Trump got angry and annoyed repeatedly when CNBC’s anchors did not rhetorically suck his balls over various topics Tuesday morning, like the wisdom of firing the chief of the Bureau of Labor Statistics on impulse, how much gas actually costs, whether he had anything to do with Monday’s fake announcement of another criminal investigation into the 2016 election, the timing of the last major revision of the monthly jobs report in 2024, and so on.

Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, apparently not having a whole lot to do back home as the top law enforcement officer in a state with 35 million people, secretly flew to Scotland last month and showed up uninvited to casually hit the links at the same time as convicted felon President Trump, CNN reports with the assertion that Pax and Trump did not actually play together but merely crossed paths and spoke for a few minutes, Pax’s ask obvious enough.

CNN’s report also says the White House had at first denied that Paxton and Trump had met in Haggis-stan. Then, when asked again on Monday, they simply didn’t respond to a request for comment, which is kind of fucking ridiculous since they could just make up whatever they wanted and say the conversation was about immigration or the gerrymandering putsch or whatever instead of Paxton’s destructive primary bid against establishment “RINO” Senator John Cornhole Cornyn.

The article also mentions that Paxton’s first campaign ad aired earlier this summer not in Texas but West Palm Beach because of fucking course that’s what you do in a GOP primary these days.

A New York City Police Department patrol SUV responding to a 911 call in the Rockaway Peninsula, Queens area was badly t-boned by a reckless driver just after 10 pm on Monday, WCBS reports.

The other vehicle, a New York City Police Department patrol SUV responding to the very same 911 call, was pretty mangled as well. All four officers between the two vehicles were hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries. Presumably after recovering the driver responsible will spend the rest of his/her time on the force driving a Segway or maybe one of those wienery little “Smart cars” as penance for the fuckup that destroyed two $40,000-ish law enforcement-grade Ford Explorers and hurt three of their siblings in blue. Bad, but not as bad as a forced transfer to Times Square and posting outside the M&Ms Store or even the Harry Potter Broadway show’s theater.

Arrests by convicted felon President Trump’s white nationalist stormtroopers at ICE dropped 20 percent in July from the previous month in what Axios credits to protests and political pushback even as the fat fuck’s party just wrote them a blank check to launch a massive recruitment drive.

Another factor Axios identifies is the Orange Slob’s zig-zagging on whether to allow exceptions for the farming and hospitality industries which it’s not clear whether they’re on or off right now.

Highly contagious disease surges in some US states amid report of possible fatal case https://t.co/E4ADZGn1zI

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 5, 2025

Fox News on Monday reported that all the unelected Faucist bureaucrats that remain embedded like parasites deep within the US’s public health system are failing Americans again, this time by allowing foot and mouth disease to spread unabated in Virginia, the US Virgin Islands, and other jurisdictions. Enough is enough. If the woke alphabet soup agencies like the CDC and NIH cannot stop this by the end of the week then President Trump should simply shut down both and leave it up to individual Americans to make their own decisions about how to coordinate a response to a disease outbreak. It’s their job to Make America Healthy Again and they’re simply not up to it.

New South Wales, Australia state Premier Chris Minns on Tuesday ripped into right wing state MP Gareth Ward’s lawyers over a last-minute move to land a court injunction halting their client’s expulsion from the state’s assembly following his conviction last month on four sexual abuse charges involving two young male victims, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation reports.

“Late last night, orders were granted in the New South Wales Supreme Court, injunctive orders obtained by representatives of Mr Ward, lawyers for Mr Ward, against the Leader of the House Ron Hoenig [and] the Speaker Greg Piper — which will stop or attempt to stop the expulsion motion in the Legislative Assembly,” Minns told Nine Radio on Tuesday morning local time down under.

Ward, 44, the state MP for the New South Wales town of Kiama, was found guilty last month of the sexual assaults of an 18 year-old man in 2013 and a 24 year-old man in 2015 and is a member of the “Liberals” which, in the upside down, is actually a right wing party. The scumbag’s also in jail awaiting sentencing so it’s not like he’s showing up to work, something Minns pointed out in the radio hit. “We’ve got a week of parliament to sit, and I think that most people would appreciate it’s an unconscionable situation to have someone who’s currently sitting in jail in Silverwater, convicted of serious sexual offenses, who is demanding to remain a member of parliament and continue to be paid,” said Minns. Asked whether he’s pushed for Ward to simply resign, Minns said it “would be the first and most obvious course. But clearly he’s got no shame.” Sounds familiar, right?

“The National Park Service announced today that it will restore and reinstall the bronze statue of Albert Pike, which was toppled and vandalized during riots in June 2020. The restoration aligns with federal responsibilities under historic preservation law as well as recent executive orders to beautify the nation’s capital and re-instate pre-existing statues. Originally authorized by Congress in 1898 and dedicated in 1901, the statue honors Pike’s leadership in Freemasonry, including his 32 years as Sovereign Grand Commander of the Ancient Rite of Scottish Freemasonry. The statue has been in secure storage since its removal and is currently undergoing restoration by the National Park Service’s Historic Preservation Training Center,” says the National Park Service in a statement.

“This action supports both the Executive Order on Making the District of Columbia Safe and Beautiful and the Executive Order on Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History, which direct federal agencies to protect public monuments and present a full and accurate picture of the American past. Site preparation to repair the statue’s damaged masonry plinth will begin shortly, with crews repairing broken stone, mortar joints, and mounting elements. The NPS is targeting October 2025 for completing the reinstallment of the fully restored statue.”

Brazilian Supreme Court Judge Alexandre De Moraes on Monday responded to convicted felon President Trump’s regime placing him and his family under US Treasury sanctions – punishment for his treatment of disgraced former President Jair Bolsonaro as he awaits trial on multiple serious charges – by placing disgraced former President Jair Bolsonaro under house arrest, the AP reports.

So no, it does not seem like the sanctions on De Moraes have had their intended effect. Guess it’s back to the drawing board for Team Orange as they try to get Jair out of this jam.

“Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy will announce expedited plans this week to build a nuclear reactor on the moon, the first major action by the former Fox News host as the interim NASA administrator,” says the lede to a Politico story about the Real World cast member-turned-GOP Congressman-turned-Fox News host-turned-Transportation Secretary-turned-Transportation Secretary plus NASA Administrator’s ambition to destroy the moon, copied verbatim for effect.

Day One of her campaign to be only the second female governor of the Palmetto State and South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace is already zeroing in on what matters most to South Carolina voters… And as much as the previous sentence may sound sarcastic it kind of isn’t.

As has been fairly widely expected, Dem former Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown is readying a comeback campaign in Ohio to take on Republican Jon Husted for his Senate seat, Axios reports citing sources telling them that he’s interviewing consultants and campaign staffers.

Attorney General Pam Bondi on Monday ordered an unnamed federal prosecutor to go to a grand jury and seek charges against former FBI Director James Comey and former CIA Director John Brennan for something something the 2016 election, Fox News’s David Spunt (lol) reports.

Probably going to have to get pretty creative and then even more creative again because the statute of limitations and all that headache but actually even writing that fucking sentence is probably giving Bondi and DC US Attorney Jeannine Box-o-Wine too much credit because it assumes the whole point is to secure indictments – if even that’s happening right now. The appropriate amount of credit would be that they’re simply leaking to Fox News that they’re talking about going to a grand jury just so they can look busy while the MAGA base is increasingly fucking furious at them for overpromising and under-delivering on state-sanctioned infliction of pain and suffering on their totems of hate.

All the credit in the world to them for that. Great job, Pam and K$H and Box-o-Wine. UR crushin’ it with the intentional leaking to state media on a preliminary step sold as “BREAKING NEWS,” rather than just waiting until those two are actually hit with indictments and THEN run to the right wing media to triumphantly lord your accomplishment over the libtards and the establishment.

“The SPAM® brand, in collaboration with Kroger, is turning heads this summer — and they’re doing it in style. Earlier this year, SPAM® sushi products rolled out nationwide at Kroger’s Family Stores, including Ralphs Grocery Company, and now they’re hitting the road to celebrate in true SPAM® brand style! Introducing the first-ever SPAM® Musubi Mobile: a larger-than-life food truck shaped like a SPAM® Musubi that’s nearly seven feet tall — an unmistakable site for fans and musubi lovers alike,” said some Spam press release National Zero chose to use as a spam filler article.

“In honor of National SPAM® Musubi Day on Aug 8, the SPAM® Musubi Mobile will visit select Ralphs locations in Southern California, offering free samples of SPAM® Musubi and SPAM® Norimaki, all accompanied by music, outdoor games, SPAM® brand merchandise, coupons and more,” the inane spam continued in an interesting test case to see how much spam readers will put up with.

If this spam proves ineffective in increasing engagement, even if it’s from spambots that would post spam like that shit about making $14583 from home last month, then it’s time for spam Plan B: Pasting in promotional copy about generic Cialis now being available without a prescription.

There’s supposed to be some reason for it other than what this peckerwood just said on CNN, that he’s doing everything in his power to make sure Dems don’t win the House in 2026.

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Monday began living out every corrupt politician’s dream by ordering his cabinet to fire Attorney General Gali Baharav-Miara and end her pesky bribery case against him, Axios reports. The country’s supreme court immediately issued an injunction pending appeals with the eventual outcome unclear but sources said Netanyahu and his minions are looking to rally their base and create political pressure on Baharav-Miara to resign.

Afrikaner Adrian De Wet, one of three whites facing trial in the 2024 murder of Black women Maria Makgato and Lucia Ndlovu on a farm in South Africa’s northern Limpopo province, turned state’s witness on Monday, testifying to the court that his boss, farmer Zachariah Olivier, forced De Wet to toss the bodies into the pig pen after Olivier had shot the two dead, the BBC reports.

As if that weren’t already fucking horrific enough, De Wet, 20, said Makgato, 45, and Ndlovu, 34, had trespassed onto Olivier’s pig farm not to break into his home or hotwire his car, but to steal some nearly-expired dairy products that had been stored for the pigs to eat. They then became pigs’ food themselves after Olivier killed them and ordered a then-teenage farmhand “under duress” to dispose of their bodies. De Wet’s testimony, if accepted by the court, will earn him immunity and a dismissal.

The other two, Olivier and 50 year-old farm worker William Musora, have yet to enter pleas. But let’s hear more about how there’s “a genocide that’s taking place that you people don’t want to write about. But it’s a terrible thing that’s taking place. And farmers are being killed. They happen to be white, but whether they’re white or Black, it makes no difference to me, but white farmers are being brutally killed and their land is being confiscated in South Africa and the newspapers and the media, television media doesn’t even talk about it.” That is unless you forgot about it three months ago because it’s hard to remember to continually assert there’s a genocide when there is no genocide.

Saudi Arabia, the monarchial petrostate famous for dismemberments, is on track for a record year of executions by beheading, CBS News reports, with 17 necks turned to stumps since Friday alone.

Prince Mohammed Bonesaw’s goons carried out 239 executions so far this year, well on track to exceed last year’s 338, a record since reliable-ish figures were made available in the early 1990s.

Start the presses! New York Post will expand to LA with launch of The California Post https://t.co/HqIWFuhThb pic.twitter.com/hDeewdvjnW

— New York Post (@nypost) August 4, 2025

The launch announcement literally says “The content will appear in a daily print edition and will have its own dedicated homepage for Californians with stories being published across multiple other platforms, including video, audio and social media,” emphasis added on that particularly insane part.

One small quibble: The “New York” in “New York Post” does not denote the state of New York, it’s the city of New York. The tweet says outright it’s going to be based in Los Angeles, so why “California” and not the “Los Angeles Post”? Yes, there’s a “Los Angeles Post” at LAPost.com but that looks like an AI-generated content mill that could’ve been bought up for a pittance.