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“US forces successfully defeated multiple Iranian ballistic missiles and drones, and conducted self-defense strikes on Qeshm Island in response to attempted attacks by Iran across the Middle East, June 2. Iran launched several ballistic missiles toward regional neighbors; however, all failed to hit their intended targets. Two Iranian missiles fired at Kuwait fell short or broke apart enroute, and three missiles launched at Bahrain were immediately intercepted by US and Bahrain air defenses.”

“Moments earlier, US Central Command (CENTCOM) forces shot down three one-way attack drones launched by Iran toward civilian mariners that were rightfully transiting regional waters. American forces also conducted self-defense strikes on an Iranian military ground control station on Qeshm Island. No US personnel were harmed. CENTCOM forces remain vigilant and ready to defend against unwarranted Iranian aggression during the ongoing ceasefire,” wrote CENTCOM on Tuesday.

Scumbag Tennessee Congressman Andy Ogles on Tuesday deleted his “Homosexuality has no place in America. Happy Nuclear Family month” tweet after some pushback from pretty much everyone.

“Illegal Immigrants and Foreign Fraudsters steal BILLIONS every year from the American Taxpayer. As part of my Administration’s Historic effort to end FRAUD and reverse MASS ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION, I recently signed a powerful new Executive Order, which will be led by the Treasury Department, to stop Banks, Credit Cards, and Financial Institutions from being used to facilitate Human Smuggling, Drug Trafficking, Illegal Immigration, and the Criminal Cartels who orchestrate these activities. Access to our Nation’s Financial Systems must be limited to those who have a Legal Right to be here, and who are engaged in Lawful and Legitimate Commerce. Bank Accounts being used to enable Illegal Immigration, or to store the Welfare received by Illegal Aliens, will be shut down, and funds will ultimately face Impoundment and Seizure so they can to be returned to Taxpayers. It is not ludicrous, but profoundly dangerous, that any Illegal Alien can simply present a Blue State Drivers License, or Biden Border Document, and have unrestricted access to the US Financial System. This also sends a clear message to the anti-ICE rioters that your violent disruptions are only strengthening our resolve. My Executive Order will also allow us to stop Billions in leaving our Country in all manner of criminal activity. It has been said this measure we are taking is the most effective means of reversing Biden’s Border Invasion. We shall soon find out!” posted the Orange God Emperor on Tuesday. This has great idea and smart execution written all over it.

“Fake News Reports that the Islamic Republic of Iran, and the USA, stopped speaking a few days ago are false and erroneous. The conversations between us have been going on continuously, including four days ago, three days ago, two days ago, one day ago, and today. Where they lead, one never knows, but as I told Iran, ‘It’s time, one way or another, for you to make a Deal. You’ve been doing this for 47 years, and it cannot be allowed to go on any longer!'” posted the President of the United States on his official social media account on Tuesday, deploying his unconventional style to put on blast the media’s misreporting of the state of the talks with the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Remember back like two or three years ago when we all said “Trump is a threat to democracy, he incited a deadly attack on the Capitol, he’s a criminal with a small dick who lasted 45 seconds with a porn star and then got convicted of 34 felonies for his embarrassing failure to cover it up indefinitely, the economy went to shit when he failed to sufficiently manage the crisis of the COVID-19 pandemic, you’ll regret it if he wins again” and then too many voters were like “Fuck Joe Biden and fuck you. So what? Trump is a smart businessman who’s going to turn this economy around and bring the cost of a Big Mac back to what it was in 2018. Even Joe Rogan thinks he’s great”?

Ted Cruz might do well to remember how those appeals to conscience and virtue ended up working out for the Democrats in 2024 before the next time he’s asked how Republicans will do in 2026.

Or maybe even just wait until Iran is actually defeated? How about trying that one out?

Apparently after some donor or whoever with the NRSC sufficiently bribed shitty country musician/Texas state Senator Angela Paxton out of keeping her soon-to-be-ex-husband Ken off the campaign trail this month, lawyers for the corrupt attorney general on Tuesday announced that the Paxtons “have jointly agreed that a trial setting is no longer necessary and the Court has removed the case from the trial docket. The parties have made substantial progress toward an amicable resolution of all issues and remain engaged in productive discussions. We are optimistic that a final agreement will be reached in the near future,” precluding what could’ve been ugly proceedings.

The Biggest Threat to JD Vance Is Spencer Pratt, Politico reports on the main story on their home page as of 11:55 AM on Tuesday morning. The article, which at the top of the page says “Magazine,” as in “Politico Magazine,” then argues that “Washington loves Rubio. A brash bully from outside conventional politics is the bigger potential challenge,” thereby affirming the national ascendancy of Pratt, a former MTV reality show actor who is currently running for mayor of Los Angeles.

“The reality-soap performer has emerged as a disruptive force in the race for mayor of Los Angeles, churning up the city’s inert politics with performance artistry, authentic grievance and high-tech vapor,” Politico writes of Pratt, now a force to be reckoned with for the MAGA establishment.

The rest of the article is long and boring but hey, it’s a cutting-edge Politico take.

“‘Senator’ Mike Rounds of the Great State of South Dakota just went woke on the Fraudulent Presidential Election of 2020. He made a statement this weekend on ABC Fake News, that despite massive evidence to the contrary, including much of it pouring in from Wisconsin, Georgia, Arizona, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and other states, he found the election to be ok – just fine. Is he crazy or just stupid? The numbers are conclusive, and the fraudulent and irregular votes are massive. The only reason he did this is because he got my endorsement and easily won his state in 2020, so now he thinks he has time, and those are the only ones, the weak, who will break away. Even though his election will not be coming up for 5 years, I will never endorse this jerk again. It’s RINOs like this that are allowing the Democrats to destroy our Nation… I hereby firmly pledge that he will never receive my Endorsement again!” wrote then-former President Donald Trump in one of his blog posts on January 10, 2022, emphasis added on the parts that he was most emphatic about after Rounds had committed the heinous thoughtcrime of determining that the 2020 election was not rigged.

“Senator Mike Rounds is an incredibly strong advocate for the wonderful people of South Dakota, a State I love, and WON BIG, in 2016, 2020, and 2024! An America First Patriot, Mike is fighting tirelessly to Advance the Great Values of the Mount Rushmore State, Champion our Farmers and Ranchers, Strengthen the Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE USA, Ensure American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our Border SECURE, Support our Brave Military, Veterans, and Law Enforcement, and Protect our always under siege Second Amendment. Mike Rounds has my Complete and Total Endorsement for Re-Election. Election Day is Tuesday, June 2nd. GET OUT AND VOTE FOR MIKE — HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!” wrote convicted felon President Trump in one of his Truth Social posts on June 1, 2026. His sole primary challenger, Justin McNeal, does not seem all that MAGA. Might even just be a literal RINO. Website doesn’t mention DEI once.

For those who thought Tulsi Gabbard sucked as Director of National Intelligence and that convicted felon President Trump could not have picked someone more unqualified for the job, well does he have some awesome news for you: “I am appointing the Director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, and Chairman of Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, William J Pulte, to serve as Acting Director of National Intelligence. William has deep experience managing the most sensitive matters in America, the safety and soundness of the Markets, and over 10 Trillion Dollars at Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, a substantial increase from where it was just 12 months ago. During this period, he will remain Director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, and Chairman of Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac.”

“Congratulations to Director Pulte!” Trump then concluded in the Truth Social post affirming support for the man who nearly got the shit beaten out of him by Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, sold Trump on both the batshit stupid 50-year mortgage and the post an AI slop depicting himself as Jesus ideas. That’s the guy who’s going to lead the nation’s most important intelligence agencies while also continuing to handle the job of running its federal home financing infrastructure.

Delegates to the Minnesota state Republican Party’s weekend convention observed a “moment of silence” for convicted murderer Derek Chauvin – that in reality lasted only about 10 seconds but was approved in an overwhelming voice vote – with the vast majority of the 2,000 delegates present having affirmed their mourning for the still-living federal inmate, the Minnesota Reformer reports.

“I apologize because I know you asked me not to do this. I’d like to suspend the rules for a moment of reflection for Derek Chauvin,” said delegate Christopher Rocco to the gathering. Rocco, who told the Reformer he prefers to be called just Rocco or “Mr Rocco,” added that he called for Chauvin to be pardoned and/or granted a retrial for the murder of George Floyd over a fake $20 bill, even though Chauvin pleaded guilty at the federal level and is scheduled to be released circa 2038 after the completion of his concurrent double state/federal sentence of 21 years. For Chauvin to be released early would require Republican candidates for governor and attorney general to defeat Dem Senator Amy Klobuchar and incumbent AG Keith Ellison, respectively, in this November’s election, for those candidates to appoint pro-Chauvin members to the state clemency review and pardon boards, for those appointees to accept an application from Chauvin, and THEN for convicted felon President Trump to pardon and/or commute Chauvin’s federal sentence. A fed pardon alone just sends Chauvin being sent back to Minnesota to serve roughly the same amount of remaining time.

Chauvin was transferred to a federal prison in Texas after being stabbed 22 times by another inmate in November 2023. Worth asking how his carceral living situation is currently given the widely-reported creature comforts afforded to another politically-favored current federal inmate in Texas.

To those negatively chirping: quiet. 🤫

It will all work out well in the end – it always does. pic.twitter.com/ae8pspL6Yw

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) June 2, 2026

Sure, the GOP might get their asses kicked in November and then get a Dem elected in 2028, but everything will work out in the end for most of the White House staff personally, as they’ll be able to get jobs with conservative PACs and with GOP members of Congress, maybe even run for Congress themselves from safe red districts where they’ll have job security for the rest of their lives. They’ll be upwardly mobile – as will the Trump family with all their crypto and AI investments and all that shit.

It really will all work out in the end for those who live and work in the White House. It always does.

Semi-official Iranian news agency Mehr on Tuesday reported that Mohammad Jafar Asadi, the deputy head of Iran’s military command had declared that “The US demands our total surrender, and the Iranian nation will never surrender. Without surrender, war is inevitable,” per CBS News.

So yeah, “peace” talks are going great. “I really don’t care. I couldn’t care less,” convicted felon President Trump told CNBC on Monday after the Iranians broke off, with Trump adding that the minutiae of the talks had “started to get very boring” before the already shit situation got worse.

Endangering her bid to replace feckless loser Senator Joni Ernst, Iowa Congresswoman Ashley Hinson committed a thoughtcrime and admitted on audio obtained by Politico that the Iran war would become a “political liability” if it dragged on for much longer. “I’m deferring to the president on the negotiations because he has the team doing it,” said Hinson to an unknown person during a meet-and-greet with voters. “I do hope we can get this done by the next couple of weeks.”

“If it drags on beyond that, it’s a political liability for us too, because we’ve lost Iowa soldiers. I’ve been to four funerals since December, it’s awful,” said Hinson, more worried about the liability.

This is a heated intra-Dem primary that challenger Brad Lander is starting to maybe, hopefully regret launching a primary bid against incumbent Dan Goldman, the hard-ass former federal prosecutor that scares the absolute shit out of Republican witnesses at the House Oversight committee.

Angry with his best bud’s continued indiscriminate violence against the Lebanese people who just happen to live near Hezbollah targets and how that’s getting in the way of the “peace process” with Iran, Axios reports convicted felon President Trump screamed “You’re fucking crazy” at Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Monday after Tehran broke off the already not-so great peace talks.

“You’re fucking crazy. You’d be in prison if it weren’t for me. I’m saving your ass. Everybody hates you now. Everybody hates Israel because of this,” Trump said to his closest pal, per sources.

Prior to Axios printing the report, Trump apparently tried to out get in front, posting “I had a conversation with Bibi Netanyahu, asking him not to go into a major raid of Beirut, Lebanon. He turned his Troops around. Thank you Bibi! I also had a conversation with Representatives of the Leaders of Hezbollah, and they agreed to stop shooting at Israel, and its soldiers. Likewise, Israel agreed to stop shooting at them. Let’s see how long that lasts — Hopefully it will be for ETERNITY!”

Following a meeting with Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson on Monday, convicted felon Presiden Trump’s Reich is “expected” to announce shortly that they’re backing down from the $1.776 billion “anti-weaponization” slush fund, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, specifying that they’re going to comply with a Virginia federal judge’s order from last week bricking the initiative.

The about-face will be aimed at restarting another reconciliation effort in Congress, which fell apart last week over the fund. No matter what, Sherman writes that it’s likely that the Senate GOP will still include language blocking the Reich from trying this sort of shit again anytime soon.

Evidently letting one of his minions write the social media missives, convicted felon President Trump on Monday tried to unfuck that which he has irretrievably fucked, posting “I had a very productive call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu, of Israel, and there will be no Troops going to Beirut, and any Troops that are on their way, have already been turned back. Likewise, through highly placed Representatives, I had a very good call with Hezbollah, and they agreed that all shooting will stop, that Israel will not attack them, and they will not attack Israel.” Trump then added “Talks are continuing, at a rapid pace, with the Islamic Republic of Iran,” and nothing in the way of specifics.