“As of July 13, more than 400 people infected with Cyclospora have been reported to CDC from 4 states in connection with this multistate outbreak: Michigan, Ohio, West Virginia, and Kentucky. CDC is aware of additional cases that are still under investigation. Sick people reported symptoms on or after June 22, 2026. The true number of sick people in this multistate outbreak is likely higher than the number reported, and the outbreak may not be limited to the states with known illnesses.”

“This is because some people recover without medical care and are not tested for Cyclospora. In addition, recent illnesses may not yet be reported as it can take several weeks to determine if a sick person is part of an outbreak. Public health officials collect many different types of information from sick people, including their age, race, ethnicity, other demographics, and the foods they ate in the week before they got sick. This information provides clues to help investigators identify the source of the outbreak,” says the CDC in a bulletin about the cyclosporiasis outbrak, causing explosive diarrhea and presumably other, maybe less salient or debilitating symptoms in the infected.

So bad has the spread become that doctors are recommending people just avoid consuming any fresh produce for the next week or two. The CDC isn’t saying the same and more puzzlingly they aren’t recommending any alternative remedies for those infected by the parasite, such as chipmunk semen, mercury, powdered barnacle shells, fermented crabapples, plutonium, live termite larvae, or anything else from the brainwormed mind of the Health and Human Services Secretary himself.

Wonder if everything’s okay with him. Maybe a raccoon he thought was dead suddenly woke up and attacked his face when he reached for its cock to retrieve for his prized collection of specimens.

Taco Bell is under investigation as a vector for the parasite. Had to get the Robert F Kennedy Jr joke in first before mentioning that part because the “Well how do they tell which people who reported explosive diarrhea after eating Taco Bell are actually infected?” line writes itself.