Category: Uncategorized

In May it’ll be eight years exactly since some anonymous scumbag in convicted felon President Trump’s first failed administration fairly famously told Axios that “to cover my tracks, I usually pay attention to other staffers’ idioms and use that in my background quotes. That throws the scent off me,” while the Orange God Emperor was raging over this or that leak to the press.

The brazen meta-impunity was and still is pretty funny – and also worth the callback to contrast with this Tuesday night New York Times account headlined “How Trump and His Advisers Miscalculated Iran’s Response to War” that, despite billing itself as “based on interviews with a dozen US officials, who asked for anonymity to discuss private conversations,” contains zero direct quotes from those witnessing and experiencing the tempest inside the demented old tyrant’s castle.

Really the only explanations are fear that even the most neutral language could be traced back to an individual and/or that the language was too neutral/boring for the Times to bother print. Still weird that they spoke to “a dozen US officials” who obviously weren’t so afraid to talk at all and couldn’t get anything. Whatever the filter was, the only color conveyed to readers comes in the Times’s own composition on the internal discomfit and even that’s kind of isolated within the piece.

First there’s “Inside the administration, some officials are growing pessimistic about the lack of a clear strategy to finish the war. But they have been careful not to express that directly to the president, who has repeatedly declared that the military operation is a complete success” and then further down a “Since the start of the war, Trump has not offered a consistent message. In private, his aides have said they feel frustration over his lack of discipline in communicating the objectives of the military campaign to the public.” Way to tease us out here in the ignorant masses, NYT.

Standing at a gasoline pump next to his son’s Ford F-150 and making a frowny face, 43 year-old De Soto, Iowa factory worker Francisco Castillo tells the AP he used to be friends with the gasoline pumps that make the big truck go “glug glug glug – AHHHHHHH! Yummy! My belly is full again! Now I can go vroom vroom vroom and say hi to all the animals I see when we drive!” but now the gasoline pumps are mean and aren’t listening to Francisco, who voted for them to be more generous.

“I thought that he was going to bring some of those things back,” said Francisco, who was sad because the plump Orange Man who likes to touch ladies’ private parts without asking if it’s okay first was going to make Mr Gasoline Pump be Francisco’s friend again. “He said he was going to bring gas down, but the war in Iran is now making everything worse,” said Francisco, who doesn’t understand yet that sometimes grownups don’t always tell the truth and that part of being a Big Boy is knowing when they might not be telling the truth. That every once in a while the kind of grownups that tell boys like Francisco there are puppies and candy in their van that you can come see if you just follow them across the supermarket parking lot will also tell him whatever he wants to hear if it means they don’t have to go to jail for stealing super-secret spy papers from the Army.

Don’t worry. Francisco most likely wasn’t sad for long after the truck went vroom vroom again so he could go home and listen to a man on a podcast talk about how easy it is to win lots and lots of money by betting on an important basketball game happening in a different state far away, which made Francisco smile and forget about the plump Orange Man and the mean Gasoline Pump.

Wednesday morning’s edition of Punchbowl’s newsletter makes space to note that “Democrats have major problems, too,” because “only 30 percent of respondents in an NBC News poll had a favorable view of Democrats, versus 52 percent with a negative view,” before then immediately veering into what should be otherwise deemed as advantages for the GOP: “Gobs of money, literally hundreds of millions of dollars, to spend on contested races,” the paucity of competitive House districts, and a Senate map that – as usual – favors Republicans. As in things that were true in 2022, 2024, and will continue to be true in 2028, 2030, 2032, and so on, almost entirely irrespective of Democrats.

But hey, “Democrats have major problems, too” is at least supported by that NBC polling showing them at a favorability disadvantage at 22 percent underwater, 8 percent lower than Republicans.

Thus it’s “major” enough to warrant its inclusion in a section of the newsletter headlined “The GOP’s March blues” and led with “It’s a tough time to be a Hill Republican. Dragged by President Donald Trump into another war in the Middle East, the GOP’s problems are growing worse every day, and there’s no sign things have hit bottom yet.” Even if that 8 percent delta is almost certainly simply explained by the vast numbers of super plugged-in Dem voters who hate Chuck Schumer.

Scumbag US Attorney General Pam Bondi has joined other top Trump minions Stephen Miller, dog-murdering soon-to-be-former-Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, binge-drinking date rapist “War” Secretary Pete Hegseth, below-average-height Secretary of State Marco Rubio, and Navy Secretary John Phelan by moving onto an unnamed military base in the DC area to hide from a population angered by her incompetence and malevolence, the New York Times reports.

The move from an apartment in DC was fairly recent, within the last month, and was due to “threats from drug cartels and critics of her actions in handling the Jeffrey Epstein case,” the Times writes in the lede, summing up Bondi’s abject cowardice and suckery. The paper also got no public comment from the DOJ whatsoever besides a rep asking them not to print the name of the base itself.

Meaning the Trump Regime passed up a chance to spew some shit about “radical leftist Antifa terrorists threatening our brave, patriotic Attorney General” while also acting as if said insurgent elements capable of breaching a US military base and inflicting their violent designs on Bondi would not also be capable of tracking her movements to and from said base and DOJ headquarters.

The Andrew formerly known as Prince was supposed to have an “escape hatch” in the Middle East, but convicted felon President Trump ruined that for him by antagonizing Iran, the National Enquirer reports and l-o-freaking-l. It’s the National Enquirer but that makes total sense Trump would ruin it.

GOP Sen. Husted: People living in poverty are just not very… um… experienced at navigating the real world pic.twitter.com/Gz5WWc62eu

— Headquarters (@HQNewsNow) March 10, 2026

Senator Jon Husted didn’t mean you Ohio Republican voters. He meant Democratic voters and minorities. All those people who don’t deserve food stamps like you do.

Trying to make it look like he’s doing something whilst also being responsive to Fox News circlejerks, South Dakota Governor Larry Rhoden on Tuesday signed a bill making it a felony to disrupt a religious service, the South Dakota Searchlight reports on spreading anti-Don Lemonism.

There aren’t even two dozen mosques, synagogues, Hindu temples, or other non-Christian old world houses of worship in the vast, desolate state so the chances that this blows back on the MAGA electorate are pretty slim – unless they disrupt an Indigenous American ceremony.

You know for a movement that prides itself on hyper-masculinity and domination the whole American right wing sure has a lot of, um, Marc Thiessens. Say what you will about guys like Dan Bongino and Eli Crane being angry meatheads, they actually do fit the archetype of intimidation and readiness for violence. Marc Thiessen on the other hand seems like the archetype of pees sitting down. That’s before even addressing what he’s actually saying here, but why even bother. His soft facial features tell you everything you need to know about his capacity for courage.

“If Iran has put out any mines in the Hormuz Strait, and we have no reports of them doing so, we want them removed, IMMEDIATELY! If for any reason mines were placed, and they are not removed forthwith, the Military consequences to Iran will be at a level never seen before. If, on the other hand, they remove what may have been placed, it will be a giant step in the right direction!” posted the golden-haired, makeup-covered boomer that needed to be in the ground ten years ago.

“On Sunday, March 8, #TexasGameWardens in Wood County were contacted by organizers of the Lake Fork Lure Co Tournament to investigate a bass presented during weigh-in that raised concerns of possible tampering. The fish was flagged after a metal detecting wand alerted tournament staff to the potential presence of a foreign object. After confirming the alert, wardens conducted a necropsy on the fish and discovered three weights in its stomach that showed no signs of erosion.”

“Wardens also located weights of the same style and size in the angler’s boat. Curtis Lee Daniels, of Willow Park, was arrested and charged with violating fishing tournament law. Because the tournament’s total prize value exceeded $10,000, the charge is a third-degree felony,” says a Facebook post from the Texas Game Wardens on the foiled fishing fete fuckery.

Guess the “erosion” part means that the asshole had wanted to try claiming that the fish had swallowed them on its own as his cover story. Also, the Facebook post should’ve said “Daniels was by far the heaviest of the slippery, slimy son-of-a-bitches caught at the tournament” or similar.

“I’m working with Governor Gretchen Whitmer on trying to save The Great Lakes from the rather violent and destructive Asian Carp, which is rapidly taking over Lake Michigan, and all of the beautiful surrounds. I’ll be asking other Governors to join into this fight, including those of Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, New York and, of course, the future Governor of Canada, Mark Carney, who I know will be happy to contribute to this worthy cause. Separately, I am also working to save The Great Salt Lake, in Utah, which, in a short period of time, if nothing is done, will have no water. This is on top of everything else I am doing. Only ‘TRUMP’ CAN DO IT!” posted the Orange Largemouth Bass on Tuesday above a video of the carp jumping out of shallow water.

Guess Americans – and Canadians, who are just that much less likely to ever become Americans with every single gratuitous insertion of the stupid “Governor” joke – are supposed to be thanking him for pretending to give a shit on top of everything else stupid that he’s doing.

“President Trump is maintaining stability of global energy during military operations against Iran. The US Navy successfully escorted an oil tanker through the Strait of Hormuz to ensure oil remains flowing to global markets. We are having restrictions of flow of energy,” posted Energy Suckretary Chris Wright on Tuesday before deleting it minutes later because it was a lie.

Not big on copying headlines from upstream sources verbatim but, well, there you have it. Fact-check-ory Snopes.com went there because apparently enough people thought those two deeply disquieting photos were real. Not pasting them in here because they are indeed disquieting.

Also not clear what the joke was. Like it’s an Epstein files thing, obviously, but why are the otherwise PG-rated fakes of the 42nd President of the United States wearing normal clothes and the severely disabled late astrophysicist in a generic fairy tale princess costume circulating at all? Like is this someone trying to make it look like Clinton had a thing for Hawking when he was dressed like a little girl? Isn’t there anything more prosaic “Epstein Island” and thus inculpating that could be faked?

“Thomas Britt Alewine of Williamston pled guilty last month to Attempted Murder and Armed Robbery for an incident at the Dollar General located on Highway 252 in Belton, South Carolina. The Honorable Scott R Sprouse sentenced Alewine to 20 years at the South Carolina Department of Corrections. He will not be eligible for parole as the offenses are considered violent and most serious under South Carolina Law,” says the South Carolina 10th Circuit DA’s office in a statement.

“Anderson County Sheriff’s Deputies responded to the Dollar General outside of Belton off Highway 252 on February 19, 2025, in reference to an armed robbery and shooting. When officers arrived, they found the victim on scene having been shot by an unknown white male who pulled out a gun and demanded money from the employees working the store. After a brief argument between the employees and Alewine, he fired a revolver at the victim, grabbed money from the register, and exited the building and the premises. The victim was struck by a bullet and was transported to the hospital and treated. Doctors determined that the bullet passed through the victim’s shoulder, avoiding striking any bones or any major arteries,” the pretty well-detailed press release continued.

Nice of them to just skip the specifics of the actual robbery part. It’s embarrassing enough that they mention it was a Dollar General. Saying he got 20 years for $37 would just completely level him.

Electing a Republican mayor has cost the Town of Pemberton, New Jersey’s taxpayers at least $1.125 million as NJ.com reports the third of former skipper Jack Tompkins’s six separate sexual harassment cases have hit the governing budget of the municipality home to over 26,000.

Tomkins resigned in December after local officials were getting ready to kick him off the township’s insurance policy. The latest payout, a $275,000 settlement to records clerk Patricia Everett for an April 2025 lawsuit, will also come with a co-insurance cost of $45,000. Everett had alleged that not only did Tomkins sexually harass her, he had also singled her out for eating lunch at her desk while male coworkers got away with the same thing. Three lawsuits down, three to go.

Apparently fully aware that their majority is doomed, House Republicans are putting the work in during the next eight months to passing a second “Big Beautiful” piece of shit, one that will further gut Medicaid and other safety-net benefits already savaged in the last one, Politico reports.

Of course, it doesn’t mean it’s actually going to happen, but why not waste time and effort?