Addressing reporters after a briefing with Suckretary of State Marco Rubio on Monday, House Speaker Mike Johnson summed up the rationale for going to war with “Israel was determined to act in their defense here, with or without our help… Because Israel was determined to act, with or without the US, our commander in chief had a very difficult decision to make…”

Which means that Trump had no agency, couldn’t have just told “Bibi” to go fuck himself, we’re not helping, and relied on the robust missile defense systems on the Middle East bases to hold up if the Iranians targeted American assets in retaliation for and IDF attack, according to Johnson.

For what appears to be the first time in over five total years of misrule by convicted felon President Trump has either a member of Congress or one of their staff apparently deliberately leaked to the media a talking points memo composed by the White House – that time in 2019 when it was the company lines on the first impeachment some dumbass staffer had accidentally included Democrats on the email list. Someone’s obviously trying to undermine Team Orange from within the party and can’t blame them considering the shit they’ve been handed, like this canned response to “What do you say to Americans who say this is not worth the American casualties?” or similar:

“The Iranian Regime would kill any American if given the chance. These are vicious and radical terrorists who hate our country and our very way of life. Thousands of Americans have been killed by Iran over the years – President Trump is ensuring they can no longer pose a direct threat to our people and our country,” which Anna Paulina Luna already got tripped up on Sunday on MS Now.

But the “if given the chance” is, Jesus Christ, you could say the same thing about North Korea, Belarus, Myanmar, Sudan, arguably Russia and just keep going so it doesn’t mean shit.

THANK YOU PRESIDENT TRUMP! 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/z3p280dOus

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) March 2, 2026

This sure feels awful close to the old “This never would’ve happened if…” song-and-dance, right?

“Everybody watch Sean Hannity tonight at 9 PM. Bibi Netanyahu will be interviewed! PRESIDENT DONALD J TRUMP” posted the Commander-in-Chief at 3:52 PM on Monday, promoting his favorite Fox News host’s nightly show to all 340+ million people living in the United States of America.

Then seven minutes later US Central Command tweeted “As of 4 pm ET, March 2, six US service members have been killed in action. US forces recently recovered the remains of two previously unaccounted for service members from a facility that was struck during Iran’s initial attacks in the region. Major combat operations continue. The identities of the fallen are being withheld until 24 hours after next of kin notification.” They have yet to similarly hype Sean Hannity’s show.

The House Ethics Committee on Monday posted a preliminary report finding that absolute maniac Congresswoman Nancy Mace “may have engaged in improper reimbursement practices under the House reimbursement program by seeking reimbursements that exceeded her reimbursable expenses incurred. If Rep Mace engaged in improper reimbursement practices, then she may have violated House rules, standards of conduct, and federal law. RECOMMENDATION: The Board recommends that the Committee further review the above allegation concerning Rep Mace because there is substantial reason to believe that Rep Mace engaged in improper reimbursement practices.”

The vote was 6 – 0 in favor of further review of the total $3,165.68 that Mace knowingly over-expensed for lodging costs. Knowingly, as the report specifically says “April 2023 emails between Rep Mace and her then-chief of staff, Dan Hanlon, show that Rep Mace was made familiar with the House’s new reimbursement process as well as the form that had to be submitted with requests for reimbursement. That form requires Members to confirm by signature that they ‘incurred the above unreimbursed official travelrelated expenses’ and ‘acknowledge and [are] aware that making false, fictitious, or fraudulent certification may render the maker subject to criminal prosecution…”

Well these sure were a bust for Team MAGA now weren’t they?

Montana Congressman Ryan Zinke on Monday announced he will not be running for reelection in November, now the 25th House Republican this cycle to get tired of winning and MAGA and shit.

Evidently commanded to make some shit up for damage control after everyone started asking question about the horrible state of the skin on his neck, White House doctor Sean Barbarella was forced Monday to issue a statement saying “President Trump is using a very common cream on the right side of his neck, which is a preventative skin treatment, prescribed by the White House Doctor.”

“The President is using this treatment for one week, and the redness is expected to last for a few weeks,” Boobarella continued. He did not explain why can’t RFK Jr and/or Joe Rogan just have a look at the “redness.” At least let them try some ivermectin or mercury or laudanum or something on it.

Several of the FBI agents fired by dipshit Director K$H Patel last week – for the grave offense of not quitting their jobs immediately in 2022 when their superiors assigned them to track down the classified documents convicted felon President Trump had stolen from the White House at the end of his first failed administration – were part of a counterintel unit dedicated to preventing the very kind of Iranian reprisal attacks the Trump regime is warning of right now, the New York Sun reports.

Now since it’s K$H Patel, incompetence cannot and should not be ruled out. However if you recall last June during the days after the first Trump attack on Iran there were a LOT more highly touted deportations, circlejerking over “Iranian sleeper cells,” and that bullshit about 1,500 Iranian agents that “crossed the border” 2021 through 2025 and so on when the campaign was brief and limited.

This time? The IDF just killed the fucking Ayatollah with US support which, well you’d think that they would be a LOT angrier, more bloodthirsty, and ready to avenge him immediately. Of course this could change any minute, but it’s quite possible that K$H knows that it was then and is now all bullshit and he can just fire federal law enforcement agents for following orders four years ago.

Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin needs to lay off the meth or whatever the hell’s addling his brain because he twice called Pete Hegseth “President Hegseth,” then corrected himself, and THEN said “President Hegseth” again… then called Iran “Iraq” for the second time on TV Monday.

Can’t carry the photo here because Getty images is a RICO operation but good God convicted felon President Trump was captured sporting a hideous rash-like situation on his neck Monday, this in addition to his still-wounded hands that he keeps covering up with makeup. It could be a condition called Actinic Keratosis, which dermatologists always consider to be precancerous.

Probably hurts and/or itches pretty badly. Might want to put some bleach of maybe Windex on it.

Former Russian senator and oligarch Umar Dzhabrailov was found unalived with a Luger pistol on the floor next to him at a luxury apartment complex in Moscow on Monday, just weeks after he commented publicly on his numerous mentions in the Epstein files, the UK Sun reports.

“I knew Epstein. I was introduced to him by Ghislaine Maxwell, a soulmate of mine,” the now-deceased 67 year-old said recently to a reporter. “But I never could have imagined that they were partners, that she was involved in finding those girls who are now all over the media. I regret that Ghislaine, the most charming woman, got a life sentence,” Dzhabrailov continued. His mentions in the Epstein files amounted to a few emails exchanged with Maxwell that did not implicate him.

So maybe it was something else. The Sun’s article also mentions that Dzhabrailov’s company bank accounts had been frozen 10 days ago because who the hell knows what he did to piss off Putin.

A pair of hot air balloonists were stuck in the gondola of their near-deathtrap for nearly five hours Saturday after it became snagged on a 900 ft high cell phone tower in Gregg County, Texas on Saturday, according to a kind of choppily-written Facebook post by the Longview Fire Department.

“At approximately 8:15 this morning, units from Longview Fire Department and multiple assisting agencies were dispatched to a high angle rescue after a hot air balloon basket carrying two occupants struck a cell phone tower at an estimated height of 920 feet near the intersection of State Highway 300 and FM 1844 in north Gregg County. Climbing operations began around 8:50 AM using multiple rope systems due to the extreme height and complexity of the incident. Rescuers made patient contact at approximately 10:00 AM. Both occupants are conscious and, at this time, no injuries have been reported,” the Department’s social media team wrote in the erratic post.

“All members of the rescue team are part of our highly trained Special Operations Unit from Stations 5 and 2, operating in a coordinated technical rescue effort. Longview is in command of the scene and the operational activities. This is a highly technical and time intensive operation. Updates will be provided as information becomes available. We appreciate the support and cooperation of the community as crews continue working to bring both occupants safely to the ground. Additionally: the second occupant has been removed. This is still an ongoing operation,” the post continued, evidently having been edited repeatedly rather than just summarized an after-action.

But holy fucking shit that had to suck for the balloonists. Even worse if they’re like real hardcore QAnon and/or MAHA assclowns getting themselves blasted with all that 5G up close for five hours.

Convicted felon President Trump on Monday told CNN’s Jake Tapper that, per other anchor Pamela Brown “the big wave is yet to come, so clearly things are gonna be escalating, not deescalating” in Iran. Separately the fat bastard told Fox’s Bret Baier “that there is a plan on Iran and that they have always had a plan,” to install new leadership in Iran… or just let some other leadership take power.

These three House GOP assholes really managed to put some variety into their bullshit on Monday, with Derrick Van Orden using the 1979 hostage crisis is the justification for the deaths of four troops that in all likelihood weren’t born yet when that happened, oh and Chris Murphy “causing discontent” among the ranks by asking questions. Then crazy Nancy Mace claiming that the Iranian nuclear program was not, in fact, “obliterated” last year and then bald weenie Texas Congressman Keith Self saying “All of the members of Congress that are bellyaching need to stop it. We’ve got young Americans in harm’s way today. If you’ve got a complaint, let’s deal with it afterwards.”

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 543 points, or 1.1 percent. The S&P 500 lost 1.1 percent, and the Nasdaq Composite futures declined 1.6 percent on the open Monday, CNBC reports while the price of oil is HOT HOT HOT!!! EVERYONE’S BUYING OIL!!! IT’S A BLACK GOLD RUSH!!!

Seriously expect the national average price for a gallon of gas to spike up to $3 within hours, per Gas Buddy’s Patrick De Haan, who also sees diesel hitting $4/gallon by next week.

At least 15 US Air Force planes have been moved from the stationing at Moron and Rota Airbases in Spain, Reuters reports on the end result of Foreign Minister Jose Manuel Albares’s proclamation that th- Damn that “Moron Airbase” is friggin funny. Like this is a fairly serious development in international politics that Spain at least temporarily kicked American weaponry out of the country because they would not allow their airspace to be used in support of convicted felon President Trump’s directionless attack on Iran and of course “Moron” as a proper noun from the country doesn’t have the same meaning as it does in English… Still, it kind of jumps out from the story.

A 15 year-old Mesa, Arizona kid was arrested at his high school last month after the FBI’s domestic terrorism unit tracked him down from chat room logs in which he threatened to massacre of Latino students in his school as well as a nearby mosque, the Arizona Republic reports on the kind of investigative capability and outcome that hardcore hockey fan K$H Patel was supposed to stop.

Or at least focus only on the Antifa libs throwing molotovs at Tesla dealerships.

Prior to the arrest cops executed a warrant on his home and found “tactical gear, a tomahawk, extremist-related materials, replica firearms and airsoft guns,” per Mesa PD Lt Jesse Macias.