As has been fairly widely expected, Dem former Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown is readying a comeback campaign in Ohio to take on Republican Jon Husted for his Senate seat, Axios reports citing sources telling them that he’s interviewing consultants and campaign staffers.

Attorney General Pam Bondi on Monday ordered an unnamed federal prosecutor to go to a grand jury and seek charges against former FBI Director James Comey and former CIA Director John Brennan for something something the 2016 election, Fox News’s David Spunt (lol) reports.

Probably going to have to get pretty creative and then even more creative again because the statute of limitations and all that headache but actually even writing that fucking sentence is probably giving Bondi and DC US Attorney Jeannine Box-o-Wine too much credit because it assumes the whole point is to secure indictments – if even that’s happening right now. The appropriate amount of credit would be that they’re simply leaking to Fox News that they’re talking about going to a grand jury just so they can look busy while the MAGA base is increasingly fucking furious at them for overpromising and under-delivering on state-sanctioned infliction of pain and suffering on their totems of hate.

All the credit in the world to them for that. Great job, Pam and K$H and Box-o-Wine. UR crushin’ it with the intentional leaking to state media on a preliminary step sold as “BREAKING NEWS,” rather than just waiting until those two are actually hit with indictments and THEN run to the right wing media to triumphantly lord your accomplishment over the libtards and the establishment.

“The SPAM® brand, in collaboration with Kroger, is turning heads this summer — and they’re doing it in style. Earlier this year, SPAM® sushi products rolled out nationwide at Kroger’s Family Stores, including Ralphs Grocery Company, and now they’re hitting the road to celebrate in true SPAM® brand style! Introducing the first-ever SPAM® Musubi Mobile: a larger-than-life food truck shaped like a SPAM® Musubi that’s nearly seven feet tall — an unmistakable site for fans and musubi lovers alike,” said some Spam press release National Zero chose to use as a spam filler article.

“In honor of National SPAM® Musubi Day on Aug 8, the SPAM® Musubi Mobile will visit select Ralphs locations in Southern California, offering free samples of SPAM® Musubi and SPAM® Norimaki, all accompanied by music, outdoor games, SPAM® brand merchandise, coupons and more,” the inane spam continued in an interesting test case to see how much spam readers will put up with.

If this spam proves ineffective in increasing engagement, even if it’s from spambots that would post spam like that shit about making $14583 from home last month, then it’s time for spam Plan B: Pasting in promotional copy about generic Cialis now being available without a prescription.

There’s supposed to be some reason for it other than what this peckerwood just said on CNN, that he’s doing everything in his power to make sure Dems don’t win the House in 2026.

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Monday began living out every corrupt politician’s dream by ordering his cabinet to fire Attorney General Gali Baharav-Miara and end her pesky bribery case against him, Axios reports. The country’s supreme court immediately issued an injunction pending appeals with the eventual outcome unclear but sources said Netanyahu and his minions are looking to rally their base and create political pressure on Baharav-Miara to resign.

Afrikaner Adrian De Wet, one of three whites facing trial in the 2024 murder of Black women Maria Makgato and Lucia Ndlovu on a farm in South Africa’s northern Limpopo province, turned state’s witness on Monday, testifying to the court that his boss, farmer Zachariah Olivier, forced De Wet to toss the bodies into the pig pen after Olivier had shot the two dead, the BBC reports.

As if that weren’t already fucking horrific enough, De Wet, 20, said Makgato, 45, and Ndlovu, 34, had trespassed onto Olivier’s pig farm not to break into his home or hotwire his car, but to steal some nearly-expired dairy products that had been stored for the pigs to eat. They then became pigs’ food themselves after Olivier killed them and ordered a then-teenage farmhand “under duress” to dispose of their bodies. De Wet’s testimony, if accepted by the court, will earn him immunity and a dismissal.

The other two, Olivier and 50 year-old farm worker William Musora, have yet to enter pleas. But let’s hear more about how there’s “a genocide that’s taking place that you people don’t want to write about. But it’s a terrible thing that’s taking place. And farmers are being killed. They happen to be white, but whether they’re white or Black, it makes no difference to me, but white farmers are being brutally killed and their land is being confiscated in South Africa and the newspapers and the media, television media doesn’t even talk about it.” That is unless you forgot about it three months ago because it’s hard to remember to continually assert there’s a genocide when there is no genocide.

Saudi Arabia, the monarchial petrostate famous for dismemberments, is on track for a record year of executions by beheading, CBS News reports, with 17 necks turned to stumps since Friday alone.

Prince Mohammed Bonesaw’s goons carried out 239 executions so far this year, well on track to exceed last year’s 338, a record since reliable-ish figures were made available in the early 1990s.

Start the presses! New York Post will expand to LA with launch of The California Post https://t.co/HqIWFuhThb pic.twitter.com/hDeewdvjnW

— New York Post (@nypost) August 4, 2025

The launch announcement literally says “The content will appear in a daily print edition and will have its own dedicated homepage for Californians with stories being published across multiple other platforms, including video, audio and social media,” emphasis added on that particularly insane part.

One small quibble: The “New York” in “New York Post” does not denote the state of New York, it’s the city of New York. The tweet says outright it’s going to be based in Los Angeles, so why “California” and not the “Los Angeles Post”? Yes, there’s a “Los Angeles Post” at LAPost.com but that looks like an AI-generated content mill that could’ve been bought up for a pittance.

Cops in Italy on Monday announced the arrests of 13 people connected to Chinese mafia crews on charges such as drug dealing, sex trafficking, and aggravated robbery following a nationwide sweep amid the gangs’ growing presence in the traditional homeland of organized crime – and where good old fashioned La Cosa Nostra and Ndrangheta are on the wane, Reuters reports.

The numbers don’t lie: In 1991 in Sicily there were at least 253 murders connected to mafia activity, in 2020 there were four of them. Meanwhile these Chinese crews have blasted at least two people in Rome this year alone as part of the “Hanger War,” an internecine turf battle over control of the luxury clothing trade. A direct comparison in illicit revenue within Italy is tough to come by but that the Chinese gangs are estimated to have minted €13 billion across the EU last year vs €10.7 billion for the locals in their country. Either way it’s clear the Temu Don Corleones are kicking serious ass.

Rasmussen Reports, the pollster that in 2023 found a majority of Republican respondents to agree that Mike Lindell should be the chair of the RNC, last week found a majority of respondents – 54 percent – to “believe it’s likely that members of President Barack Obama’s national security team committed crimes when they manipulated and manufactured intelligence to promote a false narrative about Russia and Donald Trump, including 37 percent who consider it Very Likely.”

Exactly how they found this majority is unclear, but it most likely required a good deal of trial-and-error in which the question was re-worded continually during as the survey was conducted, that it began with “Do you believe Obama and his team committed crimes connected to the 2016 election?” to “Recent reports from trustworthy sources indicate that former President Barack Hussein Obama, a Kenyan-born Muslim, had committed treason and tried to overturn President Trump’s historic landslide 2016 election victory. If true, should Obama be executed?”

“Sidney Sweeney, a registered Republican, has the HOTTEST ad out there. It’s for American Eagle, and the jeans are ‘flying of the shelves.’ Go get ‘em Sidney. On the other side of the ledger, Jaguar did a stupid, and seriously WOKE, advertisement, THAT IS A DISASTER. The CEO just resigned, the company is in turmoil. Shouldn’t they have learned a lesson from Bud Lite, which went Woke and essentially destroyed, in a short but very Woke campaign, the Company. The market cap destruction has been unprecedented, BILLIONS OF DOLLARS LOST. Or just look at Woke singer Taylor Swift.”

“Ever since I alerted the world as to what she was by saying on TRUTH that I can’t stand her,” wrote convicted felon President Trump on Monday. It’s Sydney Sweeney, Señor Tiny Weenie.

The demented Truth Social missive was a break from the actual governing and policy-ish work of justifying his impulsive, Stalinesque firing of the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics just hours after they handed him a shitty monthly employment report on Friday. “Last weeks Job’s Report was RIGGED, just like the numbers prior to the Presidential Election were Rigged. That’s why, in both cases, there was massive, record setting revisions, in favor of the Radical Left Democrats.”

“Those big adjustments were made to cover up, and level out, the FAKE political numbers that were CONCOCTED in order to make a great Republican Success look less stellar!!! I will pick an exceptional replacement. Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAGA!” Trump posted, obviously realizing he fucked up but digging deeper as the fat fucking baby is wont to do.

Republican California Congressman Kevin Kiley is, supposedly, according to a tweet and not an article by Breitbart, planning to intro a bill in the House banning redistricting before 2030, effectively asking his party to stand down in Texas so his district does not end up getting erased by Golden State Dems in retaliation for the MAGA Republican power grab in the Lone Star State.

“Is this a Panican move?” Breitbart’s social media schmuck wrote in the tweet after the “reporting.”

The reception from Kiley’s GOP colleagues will all but certainly end up being like that of Republican Senators in early 2022, who expressed zero interest in remedying gerrymandering nationally even after the post-2021 map produced no real advantages for them in the House.

“Chickens, rabbits and guinea pigs make up an important part of the diet of our predators, especially the European lynx – which needs whole prey, which is reminiscent of what it would naturally hunt in the wild 🐾 In zoos we have a responsibility to imitate the natural food chain of the animals – in terms of both animal welfare and professional integrity 🤝 If you have a healthy animal that has to leave for various reasons, feel free to donate it to us. The animals are gently euthanized by trained staff and used as fodder. That way, nothing goes to waste – and we ensure natural behavior, nutrition and well-being of our predators ♻️💕” says an auto-translated Facebook post from the Aalborg Zoo in the town of the same name in Denmark. The “gently euthanized” part seems a little dicey.

The post links to a page on the zoo’s website, which goes into further detail and hypes the tax savings for live horse donations. “Aalborg Zoo gratefully receives live horses, which we euthanize and slaughter for food at Aalborg Zoo. Our needs vary throughout the year, and there may be a waiting list. Before you consider contacting us regarding donation, the following conditions must be met: You must provide your name, address and phone number when registering the horse…”

The Most Transparent President in History. 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/q8RCo1hn7k

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) August 4, 2025

Cops in Caribou County, Idaho are seeking an unidentified Idaho man to issue a littering citation after he disposed of his girlfriend’s lifeless body in the Blackfoot River sometime last week, leading to a manpower-intensive three-hour search for the remains, East Idaho News reports.

“When my team went in and pulled it out of the water, that’s when they realized it was just a life-size companion doll,” said Caribou County Sheriff Adam Mabey, adding he “was hoping it’d blow over and no one would ever hear about” his deputies having chased down some incel’s discarded sex doll.

Mabey was however at least satisfied with how his department’s response went as an unscheduled, unintended training drill, saying he’d “rather go all out and make sure we did everything properly at a scene… than to rush in and do something and find out we should’ve done something more.”

Because he’s done such a great job running the company of the past year and Cybertrucks are flying off the lot (sarc) Tesla on Monday awarded drug-addicted founder/CEO Elon Musk $29 billion worth of shares in the troubled electric vehicle manufacturer, CNBC reports.

We’re now at the “You have no right to punch me in the face if I punch you first… It’s actually tantamount to murder for you to pounch me back” stage of Republican politics in the United States.

Former Tennessee state NCAA football coach Derek Dooley on Monday launched his campaign to take on extremist fanboys MAGA Congressmen Buddy Carter and Mike Collins for the nomination to face Dem incumbent Jon Ossoff in 2026, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports.

“I haven’t known a president in my lifetime who’s been able to achieve these kinds of results. That’s what the people want,” Dooley said in his ball-sucking launch ad. “They want someone who is going to mean what they say, say what they mean. And then go deliver results.”

Tropical Storm Dexter, cursed with what may be the freaking nerdiest name possible for a tropical cyclone, is likely to form between North Carolina’s Outer Banks and Bermuda on Tuesday, the Weather Channel reports on the very low-energy beta storm’s all but certain ineffectuality.