Senate Majority Leader John Thune picked RNC chairman Mike Whatley, the second choice for his current post after stupid Ronna Not-Romney was finally decapitated last year, as his second choice to be the next North Carolina Senator after after stupid Lara Trump decided she didn’t want to risk losing to a popular two-term former gov in what could be a rough year for MAGA, Axios reports.

Of course being the not-actually-a-paper of record for a distinct subspecies of donor class douche who fondled with happy groans over their Youngkin 2024 fantasy on-and-off in 2023, Axios (not-incorrectly) identifies Whatley’s fundraising chops as secret sauce going into the race and does not at any point identify what other public, general elections Whatley has actually won.

Instead it’s a “thrilling” minute-by-minute recall of how Whatley 2026 was born. “Then, on July 16, Whatley attended a reception hosted by the Thune-aligned Senate Leadership Fund PAC. During the gathering, which was attended by about 75 top donors and senators, the Republican leader introduced Whatley as the party’s nominee for North Carolina Senate,” Axios writes like they think Robert A Caro might see it and send a handwritten note praising their masterful composition.

Republican Texas state Representative Giovanni Capriglione, fresh off his announcement that he won’t be running for reelection because of what that stripper blabbed about to MAGA website Current Revolt, tells the Texas Tribune in a statement that his last extramarital affair was “years ago” and that the other allegations like paying her and other women for sex are “categorically false and easily disproven” adding he had “never, nor would I ever, pay for an abortion.”

Oh wait he said “pay for an abortion” and not “get a donor or a staffer or someone to pay for the abortion of a fetus that was formed from my sperm.” Sharp dude, getting all precise with his language like that on that very specific assertion. Almost offsets the part where he said that it’s “easily disproven” as though he then immediately supplied a full ZIP file of the system image of every smartphone he’s ever owned, every phone bill, his email passwords, his bank accounts, credit card bills and any other conceivable method of not actually directly disproving it let alone “easily.”

But hey, a limited hangout where he quits politics because he fucked around on the side years ago, which seems awfully goddamned extra, is wage enough for the sin of his conservative values.

On some level this cunt is just trolling but he’s also saying what he really believes, that “for years government officials allowed those entities to dictate the political narrative” is a problem within the scope of policy and not like just making shit up about Hillary being on fucking horse tranquilizers. So if he really believes that then one day in the future there may just be a time when a Dem commissioner starts seeing the same remit and starts turning the screws on ISPs to get them to throttle any website that deliberately propagates misinformation aimed at changing political narratives.

Reminded that Stephen Colbert is a comedian and not a news anchor, Carr then said “Frankly, the media industry across this country needs a course correction.” On some level the MSM kind of deserves this deliberate and unsubtle threat given their “Yeah Trump is a fascist and plans on ending American democracy but Joe Biden’s really old and there are a lot of questions about Hunter,” bit from last year but seeing the Fourth Estate burned to the ground isn’t good.

Republican former Long Island Congressman George Santos is currently being driven upstate or is already upstate or is possibly entertaining a fantasy like in the end of Spike Lee’s 2002 classic 25th Hour in which he dreams of himself turning left and, as actor Brian Cox narrates, just keeps driving and driving and driving until he’s in a very desolate stretch of northern Nevada where he finds there’s a little burlesque place with a HELP WANTED sign in the window. Kitara will make all her money with cash, will live off grid. No one will know anything. They won’t even bother coming to look. All the customers forgot about George Santos and they wouldn’t even notice the resemblance under all the fabulous makeup anyway. And then in a few years Rosario Dawson will show up and join him so they can live and grow old and grey together platonically under the same roof…

Abrupt cut to a wide shot of the car passing the exit to go west on the George Washington Bridge and continuing north toward the seven year prison sentence. Fade to black. A Spike Lee joint.

NOAA’s satellites division chief Steve Volz agency deputy general counsel Jeff Dillen, who in 2019 were tasked with investigating then-and-now-again Trump ballsucker Acting Administrator Neil Jacob’s actions after the Sharpiegate debacle have been placed on leave from the agency in what this CNN article doesn’t actually just say the pretty fucking obvious: that it’s political retribution.

“It’s an interesting coincidence that less than a week before Neil Jacob’s senate committee vote, the two dedicated career civil servants who investigated him for scientific integrity violations around Sharpiegate were dismissed from service,” one former NOAA official is quoted to do that work that CNN, like so much of the rest our emasculated news media, won’t just do in their actual reporting.

Yeah, this is where the President of the United States is at right now, deflecting questions about his association with a sex trafficker by telling reporters to ask the former President of the United States about his association with said sex trafficker, as if these two lines of reporting could somehow be at cross-purpose with each other. That’s the route he took after telling them that an alleged coup attempt against him by a different former President of the United States is the bigger story but they just kept asking him about the sex trafficker in the earlier part of the series of above clips.

Somewhere in there is an actual policy statement where the president expressed a belief he could send out bribery checks to voters unilaterally and without prior approval by Congress. That’s after the part where Trump told reporters he could pardon Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell.

From a Manatee County, Florida Sheriff’s Office report on what happened after Douglas Naeher attacked his wife Stephanie and tossed her over the side of their boat: “In an attempt to save her own life, the victim said she pretended to be dead. She tried to slow her breathing and remain motionless so the Defendant would stop hitting her. Once he stopped hitting her, he dragged her by her hair to the rear of the boat and into the water. The Defendant then placed both hands around the victim’s throat attempting to strangle and drown her in the water. As he was doing this, he said ‘I’m going to fucking kill you!’ The victim stated she was gasping for air and salt water was coming out of her nose. The other vessel started coming closer to their location. The victim believes this is the reason the Defendant let go of her. He left the victim in the water battered and gasping for air.”

“He then put the boat in gear and started to drive. The victim was able to interlock her feet around the ladder at the rear of the vessel and hold on. The Defendant dragged the victim behind the boat for a short time. The victim was fighting to stay above the water. She believes the Defendant tried to leave her and didn’t realize she was hanging on. The Defendant eventually stopped the boat, and the victim climbed back in using the ladder. When the Defendant noticed she was back on the boat, he started to punch and stomp her body several more times. He then dragged her to the back of the boat and shoved ner overboard. The victim saw a rope dangling from the rear of the boat and wrapped it around her right ankle just before the Defendant started to drive away a second time.”

Americans were sick of what was often described as all the wars and global chaos under Joe Biden so they voted for Trump because he claimed that in his first term nothing like the regional conflicts between Israel and toddlers in Gaza or the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The pitch was that you wouldn’t see footage of Cambodian artillery firing rockets into civilian areas in Thailand, that Thai jets wouldn’t be bombing the positions of their neighboring country’s military, that who the hell knows how many American and other western tourists are at resorts mere fucking miles from a border that is now a live fire zone and some cowboys from an impoverished third-world country’s poorly-trained army might be making incursions toward these resorts at this very moment.

Brilliant campaigning. Dems had no good answer because, like virtually every other tentacle of the propaganda beast it was either largely or entirely unfalsifiable, and was more of a vibe thing. Like Thailand and Cambodia’s military leaders were too afraid of President Trump to fuck around like this.

Anyway, AFP reports that the Thai government has declared martial law in eight border provinces.

You do have to hand it to Republicans how, what in 2017 was pretty much conventional wisdom, that now-convicted felon President Trump had in his first campaign been aware that his minions were in a mutually beneficial relationship with the propaganda and hacking operations of the Russian state and had at the very least entertained dirt offered by their agents during a meeting at the Trump Tower, have in the years since obfuscated what was already a pretty complex timeline – with different gaps filled in at different times, involving the actions of hundreds of players, conflicting accounts – has been obfuscated and over-complicated into utter meaninglessness. Screaming “RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA” and “HOAX HOAX HOAX!” despite there being like a shit ton of circumstantial evidence that the basic contours of what was alleged were largely true also helped.

The problem is that nearly a decade of this shit means that stupid cocksuckers like this Congressman Rick Crawford from Oxycontin Holler, Arklatucky or wherever kind of lost the plot and is now asserting that Putin had no preference in the 2016 election and you can tell because he was keeping the powder dry on her use of horse tranquilizers to calm her fits of Caligulan rage.

This kid is so fucking stupid that to use the “Detective Pikachu” image in this article would imply that he made the crime hard to solve: WPRI reports 24 year-old Taunton, Massachusetts man Richard Jovahn Nunes has been charged with six felony counts of receiving stolen property valued at over $1,200 in connection with what was actually a spectacularly well-executed July 8th burglary at a card store in nearby New Bedford. Surveillance footage from 2:32 AM on the night in question shows a masked suspect smashing through the front door, then into a display case, shoving fucking $113,000+ worth of rare Pokemon cards into a backpack, and walking out within 30 seconds.

Given Nunes’s subsequent actions you can kind of start to see why prosecutors could be hesitant to charge him with the heist itself: He tried to sell them to other Pokemon fans locally, at least two of whom promptly reported it to police, leading to a search warrant and his arrest, all but doing the hard part of the job for law enforcement. Like holy shit, drive to goddamned Las Vegas or Seattle or Little Rock, Arkansas next April or May and post a Craigslist ad from your motel room. It’s not a fucking catalytic converter you ripped out of a Hyundai, you thirsty, thirsty subtard.

Fuck. What a moron and again it’s hard to imagine a textbook burglary that may not have ever been solved being all too easily and so stupidly undone on the theft side being the work of the same guy.

Officials in Thailand on Friday said thanks but no thanks and fuck off to third-party efforts to mediate the now skirmish-y conflict with neighboring Cambodia, Reuters reports.

House Republicans and their aides anonymously tell Politico they’re losing patience with dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi five minutes ago and might complain some more privately if she doesn’t unfuck the Epstein situation somehow. They don’t actually know how but they’re freaking the hell out, as you might have seen from another Politico report includes quotes like “Democrats smelled blood in the water and they caught us flat-footed” on how this week went for the House GOP.

While they can’t do anything to get convicted felon President Trump to cut Bondi loose and even less so while Congress is out of town for the next 40-something days, they also cannot do anything to avoid having her testify in front of the House Judiciary Committee, a legal requirement. “She is in for a rough September at the very least,” said one House Republican anticipating the testimony. The second choice after Matt Gaetz “has very little time to turn this around,” asserted another.

“From pillar to post, handled this thing so badly and bizarrely,” a “senior House GOP aide” said, evidently not considering that, while it’s probably true that Bondi fucked this up, she just might have been following someone else’s orders. “It was tough to watch the whole thing. We were just like ‘What the fuck are they doing over there,'” the aide continued, getting closer to understanding it.

A longer follow-up to “There are no coincidences” and “There are no coincidences again” should’ve been done today and this clip would’ve been a perfect intro to it. Instead let’s just paste in Trump posting the same fucking thing the date-rapey idiot said above in a stupid Truth Social post and promise to come back to the whole non-coincidence of the present juncture in the MAGAverse: “The Radical Left Democrats are doing everything in their power to distract and obfuscate from our GREAT six months of service to America, results of which many are saying is the BEST six months in Presidential history. They have gone absolutely CRAZY, and are playing another Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax but, this time, under the guise of what we will call the Jeffrey Epstein SCAM. As things are revealed and, I hope will take place quickly, you will see that it is yet another Democrat CON JOB. Hopefully, the Grand Jury Files will put an end to this HOAX. Everyone should see what is there, but people who are innocent should not be hurt. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

“After many years Australia has agreed to accept American Beef! For a long time, and even though we are great friends, they actually banned our Beef. Now, we are going to sell so much to Australia because this is undeniable and irrefutable Proof that US Beef is the Safest and Best in the entire World. The other Countries that refuse our magnificent Beef are ON NOTICE. All of our Nation’s Ranchers, who are some of the hardest working and most wonderful people, are smiling today, which means I am smiling too. Let’s keep the Hot Streak going. IT’S THE GOLDEN AGE OF AMERICA!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, solving all of America’s problems with one groundbreaking deal shattering a once impenetrable trade barrier down under.

Except for the fact that beef is now averaging an historic high of $6.12/pound so what the fuck does this idiot think is going to happen to that price IF there’s suddenly massive demand from Australia and all the other countries, real and imagined, that he’s trying to sell it to? Fat, stupid cunt.

The Trump Regime on Thursday approved the merger between Paramount and Skydance, just weeks after Paramount paid the bribe of settling a $10 billion fake lawsuit for editing an interview.

“Americans no longer trust the legacy national news media to report fully, accurately, and fairly. It is time for a change. That is why I welcome Skydance’s commitment to make significant changes at the once storied CBS broadcast network. In particular, Skydance has made written commitments to ensure that the new company’s programming embodies a diversity of viewpoints from across the political and ideological spectrum. Skydance will also adopt measures that can root out the bias that has undermined trust in the national news media. These commitments, if implemented, would enable CBS to operate in the public interest and focus on fair, unbiased, and fact-based coverage. Doing so would begin the process of earning back Americans’ trust. Today’s decision also marks another step forward in the FCC’s efforts to eliminate invidious forms of DEI discrimination. And Skydance’s commitment to enhancing local news and reporting-coverage valued by the public-will also inure to the benefit of the American people,” said FCC Nazi Brendan Carr in a statement that had absolutely fuck all to do with antitrust laws and everything to do with the regime’s cunty victimhood.

Not a whole lot to add that wasn’t already in the headline, but to at least flesh it out, ABC 7 reports that 36 year-old Stephen Blasetti had been locked up in the psychiatric ward at New York Presbyterian in Washington Heights, Manhattan following his Saturday arrest for going on a joyride on the Hudson River in a stolen dinghy and then a moored catamaran – while completely naked.

“He jumps from one boat to the other,” a cop told the New York Post after the arrest, while another said it was believed that Blasetti was high on meth given the Florida-ish behavior.

The cop guarding the maniac could’ve used a little of that stuff too since he/she fell asleep while guarding Blasetti at the hospital Wednesday morning, allowing the maniac to slip out of his room, steal a doctor’s white coat, and escape the premises. If anything it shows that Blasetti is adaptable and learned that evading police is easier when one wears clothes to blend in with their surroundings.

“According to the latest study from BCC Research, ‘Halal Food Regional Market Analysis: Middle East and North Africa’ is projected to reach $380.0 billion by the end of 2030, with a CAGR of 7.1 percent for the forecast period of 2025-2030. This report presents a detailed analysis of the halal food market across the MENA region, emphasizing emerging opportunities and market dynamics.”

“It explores key growth drivers such as technological innovation, economic trends, and strategic business initiatives. The market is segmented by product types and distribution channels, with country-specific insights for Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Egypt, Iran, the GCC countries, and the broader MENA region. Turkey and Israel are excluded in order to maintain focus on less-developed, higher-growth markets, offering a clearer perspective for businesses and investors aiming to tap into the region’s evolving halal food industry,” says a press release from BCC Research.

So yeah, the MENA region is seen as a huge emerging market for Halal food producers, according to whoever got paid to write this press release and the report it hypes, from whom you can likely also obtain other, similarly valuable insights such as “Asia: A huge market for rice” and “Mexico poised for explosive growth in guacamole, tortillas, jalapeños, and other spicy Southwest-themed foods.”

“Getting ready to head over to the Fed to look at their, now, $3.1 Billion Dollar (PLUS!) construction project. Also present will be Fed Chair Jerome Powell, Senator Tim Scott, Senator Thom Tillis, OMB Director Russ Vought, Chairman of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Bill Pulte, my Appointees to the National Capital Planning Commission, James Blair and Will Scharf, and various other construction professionals,” the fat fuck posted on Truth Social just before his tour of the Federal Reserve is set to begin.

Shitbag US Attorney General Pam Bondi, whose department in February dropped federal corruption and bribery charges against New York City Mayor Eric Adams because they said it was interfering with his reelection effort while he was supposed to be helping them enforce the Trump Regime’s immigration policy, announced Thursday that her department is suing New York City and Mayor Eric Adams for not helping them enforce the Trump Regime’s immigration policy.

There may or may not be a joke in this CNN story about the tomb of a medieval knight found under an ice cream shop in the city of Gdansk. It need not necessarily be a “Polish” joke but he was Polish.