“A Villager ruined more than $10,000 worth of Spam and Vienna sausages by urinating on pallets of the products at Sam’s Club,” says the lede to a Tuesday story at Villages-News.com, copied verbatim because there’s no way to improve upon that which as already achieved perfection.

According to an arrest affidavit, a woman happened upon the urinator in “Aisle 18” of the warehouse retailer’s location in the Village of Lady Lake, exposing his Vienna sausage and emptying it onto the processed meat products on the morning of May 30th. She took a cell phone video and alerted staff, who quickly found surveillance footage of the man having “walked up to two pallets, facing the shelf, placed both hands in front of him below the belt line, and stood there for several seconds,” per the affidavit. Cops concluded was “behavior consistent with urination” as though that need be said.

“Managers inspected the damage to the 188 units of 18-count Vienna sausages and the 345 units of 8-count Spam Classic. They concluded that because the products had been contaminated with bodily fluid, they would need to be thrown out. The merchandise had a total value of $10,584,” says the next paragraph of the Villages-News story, which also must remain preserved here verbatim.

Reviewing more footage, management then traced the urinator’s steps back to when he scanned his card to enter the store, determining him to be 70 year-old Patrick Francis Mitchell, who had since returned home from his errand at Sam’s Club. A warrant was issued and served at Mitchell’s house where police effected his arrest on charges of criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. Mitchell is free on $3,000 bond. The only thing that could’ve made this story more classic Villages is if he was a registered Republican. Sadly, VoterRecords.com lists both him and wife Selene as having “No Party Affiliation,” which does not foreclose the possibility he is MAGA so much as leave it ambiguous.

Former Republican Congressman Joe Walsh, who left the GOP years ago and last week registered as a Dem, tells Politico he’s seriously considering moving to South Carolina to launch a bid against dainty Senator Lindsey Graham, as it’s time to “fucking wake up and begin to do different things.”

“I am seriously considering moving to South Carolina and challenging Lindsey Graham next year, because he’s a piece of shit,” said Walsh, who describes himself as a “conservative” Democrat. “He’s everything that is wrong about our politics, and he’s the worst, most pathetic Trump enabler.”

The debate ought to be entertaining at least, should this happen and Walsh wins the nomination.

Said a likely medicated Attorney General Pam Bondi on Fox News Wednesday: “After the October 7 anniversary, they added new drinks to the menu. One was ‘Sweet Sinwar’ in honor, of tribute to the leader of Hamas … You can’t do that. And so we’ve sued them and we’re gonna stop this from happening. And anywhere in the country, if you do this, we’re coming after you.”

Under that logic the Trump Regime could sue a business for flying a Ukrainian flag or a future Dem administration could do the same to a gift shop that sells Confederate flags. This is fucking insanity and it’s obvious she’s hoping these pro-Hamas idiots are going to back off, settle, and then close down after repeated vandalism from far-right Zionist dickheads, but she better pray nobody like the ACLU gets involved. If they do, Bondi is running straight into a brick wall that’s going to turn into a titanium one if this goes to the Supreme Court, all the while painting targets on American Jews by blatantly arguing that the political needs of Israel outweigh all others’ right to free speech.

In the second half of the clip the Attorney General of the United States avoided answering a reporter’s question on where the legal threshold is for invocation of the Insurrection Act.

Texas Gov “Low Energy” Greg Abbott on Tuesday announced he’s ordering the state’s National Guard deployed to multiple cities ahead of planned anti-ICE protests, ABC 13 reports on the impotent worm’s bandwagoning with convicted felon President Trump’s authoritarian fapfest.

“Peaceful protests are part of the fabric of our nation, but Texas will not tolerate the lawlessness we have seen in Los Angeles,” said Abbott’s office in a statement. “Anyone engaging in acts of violence or damaging property will be swiftly held accountable to the full extent of the law.”

Wonder what the go signal is to get some Latino Oath Keepers or Three-Percenters to show up and open fire on the guard soldiers and ICE agents so the “Big Luau” can get started.

“The Consumer Price Index for All Urban Consumers (CPI-U) increased 0.1 percent on a seasonally adjusted basis in May, after rising 0.2 percent in April, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported today. Over the last 12 months, the all items index increased 2.4 percent before seasonal adjustment. The index for shelter rose 0.3 percent in May and was the primary factor in the all items monthly increase. The food index increased 0.3 percent as both of its major components, the index for food at home and the index for food away from home also rose 0.3 percent in May. In contrast, the energy index declined 1.0 percent in May as the gasoline index fell over the month. The index for all items less food and energy rose 0.1 percent in May, following a 0.2-percent increase in April.”

“Indexes that increased over the month include medical care, motor vehicle insurance, household furnishings and operations, personal care, and education. The indexes for airline fares, used cars and trucks, new vehicles, and apparel were among the major indexes that decreased in May. The all items index rose 2.4 percent for the 12 months ending May, after rising 2.3 percent over the 12 months ending April. The all items less food and energy index rose 2.8 percent over the last 12 months. The energy index decreased 3.5 percent for the 12 months ending May. The food index increased 2.9 percent over the last year,” says the monthly Bureau of Labor Statistics CPI report.

“OUR DEAL WITH CHINA IS DONE, SUBJECT TO FINAL APPROVAL WITH PRESIDENT XI AND ME. FULL MAGNETS, AND ANY NECESSARY RARE EARTHS, WILL BE SUPPLIED, UP FRONT, BY CHINA.”

“LIKEWISE, WE WILL PROVIDE TO CHINA WHAT WAS AGREED TO, INCLUDING CHINESE STUDENTS USING OUR COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES (WHICH HAS ALWAYS BEEN GOOD WITH ME!). WE ARE GETTING A TOTAL OF 55 PERCENT TARIFFS, CHINA IS GETTING 10 PERCENT. RELATIONSHIP IS EXCELLENT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, not really explaining what he means with “WE ARE GETTING A TOTAL OF 55 PERCENT TARIFFS, CHINA IS GETTING 10 PERCENT” or why suddenly Chinese students “USING” American higher education is no longer a massive national security threat.

The fat bastard then demanded fealty from Angelenos, posting “If our troops didn’t go into Los Angeles, it would be burning to the ground right now, just like so much of their housing burned to the ground. The great people of Los Angeles are very lucky that I made the decision to go in and help!!!”

"He has this incredible connection … with his Army": @SecArmy says troops were thrilled when @POTUS announced plans to restore military base names removed under Biden. 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/t3I2Gjl6mH

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) June 11, 2025

The above quote in the headline’s been truncated slightly as what Army Secretary Dan Driscoll actually told Fox and Friends Wednesday morning was “You can see he has this incredible connection, as Commander-in-Chief, with his army” while fondling himself over the magnificence of convicted felon President Trump’s speech to the troops at Fort Bragg on Tuesday, but that abbreviation does not at all obscure Driscoll’s slip into asserting the Holy Orange God Emperor’s personal dominion over the entire might of the armed forces of the United States of America.

Then there’s of course there’s what Driscoll did not say about the soldiers assembled at the fat bastard’s speech – one in which he still had bulletproof glass in front of him despite it being “his army” who would never ever take a shot at him with a high-powered sniper rifle.

A coalition of center and leftist party members in Israel’s Knesset have picked up support from two ultra-Orthodox parties in the chamber for their bill seeking to dissolve parliament and trigger snap elections, Bloomberg reports on a possible ominous development for dictator Benjamin Netanyahu.

The two hardcore religious parties, Shas and United Torah Judaism, are fucking off from supporting “Bibi” over his move to end the decades-long exemption from mandatory service in the IDF for members of Orthodox communities as the country’s Supreme Court has ruled the carveout illegal.

A Bibi minion complained about the dissolution bill on Army Radio Wednesday. “Going to elections now while there are hostages in Gaza and the Iranian issue is coming to a decision would paralyze the country,” said MP Ze’ev Elkin, a member of Netanyahu’s coalition. Bibi was supposed to testify Wednesday in his corruption trial but skipped out, claiming he was sick, the pussy-ass bitch.

“The INCOMPETENT Governor of California was unable to provide protection in a timely manner when our Ice Officers, GREAT Patriots they are, were attacked by an out of control mob of agitators, troublemakers, and/or insurrectionists. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, trying to turn his side back into the victims here.

A most unseemly and preposterous incident unfolded for one Sultan Alnofaie, a reputable young bachelor of 21, in the early hours of Sunday last in Clearwater, Florida, WFLA tele-news reports.

The row began when Mr Alnofaie inquired about the coital services of an entertainer at the the OZ Gentlemen’s Club and was presented with a bill for $300 for the services to be rendered to his phallus, upon which he promptly effected payment, only to be refused said service despite honest payment. The bachelor, expecting prompt service within the ordinarily impeccable confines of the gentlemen’s club, then found himself compelled to voice his considerable displeasure regarding the perfidy of the cyprian scented with Exclamation By Coty. The club’s doorkeep, said to be a man of great violence and temper, intervened and told Mr Alnofaie to exit the premises post haste.

Seething from the affront, Mr Alnofaie then telephoned the local constabulary, seeking their intervention and immediate recompense for the deprivation his leisure at the gentlemen’s club.

Upon the constable’s arrival at the establishment they were met with the furious patron who then explained with great vehemence the compounded insult of the unprofessional behaviour of the attendants at the club. Mr Alnofaie was then placed into the constablary’s custody and charged with the crime of misuse of emergency services. It is unclear whether he was reimbursed for the $300.

“It wasn’t a day ago, it was a little longer than that,” said TACO man on Tuesday, correcting himself on a completely made-up timeline of when he last spoke to California Gov Gavin Newsom.

A 27 year-old registered Republican Villager is being held on $26,000 bond following his arrest last week on a felony count of possession of methamphetamine with intent, Villages-News reports.

Charles Scott Straubel, 27, who lives with his parents – also registered Republicans – in the Village of Santiago, was driving a white 2016 Kia Optima late Thursday night when he was pulled over for running a stop sign, per an arrest report from the Villages of Lady Lake Police Department. Cops wrote that Straubel “appeared to be unsettled, disillusioned, nervous, sweating profusely, and fidgety,” during the stop. A K9 unit was called and the dog quickly found 90 plastic baggies, all of them containing a substance that tested positive for meth. Straubel, who was also found in possession of knives and a bat, told cops he was merely a meth user. The likely Trump voter then began “acting hysterically and salivating” after realizing he was going to jail and possibly prison.

“On June 10, a 30 year-old man from Randolph, New Jersey, was injured by a bison in Yellowstone National Park. At approximately 9:45 am in the Upper Geyser Basin at Old Faithful, a man was gored by a bison after a large group of visitors approached it too closely. The individual sustained minor injuries and was treated and transported by emergency medical personnel. The incident is currently under investigation, and no further details are available at this time. There are no photos or videos of this incident to share. This is the second reported incident of a person injured by a bison in 2025.”

“The first occurred on May 7. There were two reported incidents in 2024 and one in 2023,” says the National Park Service in a press release. Not a good look, New Jersey. Again.

When anything bad happened over the previous four years it was in Biden’s America. Protests at Columbia University? Not Kathy Hochul’s New York State or Eric Adam’s New York City, it was Biden’s America. Or Harris’s America for 107 days. Now they’re trying to make it into Gavin Newsom’s California and Karen Bass’s Los Angeles. No, the above is happening in Trump’s America.

“We are at the end of our agreement with Terry Moran and based on his recent post – which was a clear violation of ABC News policies – we have made the decision to not renew. At ABC News, we hold all of our reporters to the highest standards of objectivity, fairness and professionalism, and we remain committed to delivering straightforward, trusted journalism,” says an ABC spokesperson in a statement via CNN’s Brian Stelter on a pretty fucking abject act of submission to the Trump regime.

On Saturday Moran tweeted and deleted this factual statement about Reichsminister of racial purity Stephen Miller and his fat orange boss’s crusade against immigrants: “The thing about Stephen Miller is not that he is the brains behind Trumpism. Yes, he is one of the people who conceptualizes the impulses of the Trumpist movement and translates them into policy. But that’s not what’s interesting about Miller. It’s not brains. It’s bile. Miller is a man who is richly endowed with the capacity for hatred. He’s a world-class hater. You can see this just by looking at him because you can see that his hatreds are his spiritual nourishment. He eats his hate. Trump is a world-class hater, but his hatred only a means to an end, his own glorification. That’s his spiritual nourishment.”

Instead of taking that as a compliment, Krazy Karoline demanded that ABC News suspend or fire Moran. They did both and again bent the knee to the Orange God Emperor’s unholy regime.

Convicted felon President Trump and brainwormed HHS Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr’s regime’s budget for federal public health expenditures in 2026 proposes cutting the 988 suicide prevention hotline’s specialized support for LGBTQ youth, NBC News reports that the cruelty is still the point.

The 988 hotline will remain intact both via text and voice calls – kind of amazing in its own right all things considered – but the option that connects LGBTQ youth with “specially trained staff and partner organizations” will be axed. Guess which president signed the 988 legislation into law that specifically included that specialized service. It wasn’t Joe Biden or Barack Obama.

And yet HHS spokesworm Rachel Cauley defended the axing to NBC, saying that the whole 988 service will be funded at the same levels as previous years, but “does not, however, grant taxpayer money to a chat service where children are encouraged to embrace radical gender ideology by ‘counselors’ without consent or knowledge of their parents.” Hard to imagine how damaged someone can be to say that kind of shit about an effort to prevent teenagers from killing themselves.

Asked if it’s hypocritical for Republicans to be condemning the riots in Los Angeles while being okay with convicted felon President Trump pardoning thousands of Capitol rioters, House Speaker Mike Johnson said there’s a “clear distinction” between the two groups of marauders. He did not say the clear distinction. Johnson’s counterpart in the Senate, John Thune, was better at batting away the question, saying simply “I think the issue that’s in front of us right now is the chaos in LA…”

From the final report on the NTSB inquiry into the August 2024 death of retired champion dirtbike/dirtroad car racer Scott Bloomquist, whose Piper J3 plowed into a barn: “The pilot departed from a private airstrip and overflew his property. The airplane subsequently impacted a barn adjacent to the airstrip. The airplane sustained substantial damage, and the fuselage was mostly consumed by the postimpact fire that ensued. The pilot was fatally injured. An autopsy of the pilot was performed by the William L Jenkins Forensic Center, Johnson City, Tennessee. The autopsy report listed the cause of death as blunt force injuries and the manner of death as suicide.”

Underscoring that summary, the report’s conclusion says the NTSB “determines the probable cause(s) of this accident to be: The pilot’s intentional flight into a building as an act of suicide.”

So it was a mini-9/11-ing. The barn did really burn from the crash. It wasn’t a controlled demolition.

Sources on House Oversight Chairhick James Comer’s staff tell Axios that former Biden White House aides including Domestic Policy Council director Neera Tanden, Jill Biden advisor Anthony Bernal, former special assistant to the president Ashley Williams, and former White House deputy chief of staff Annie Tomasini have all agreed to sit for hours of stupid questions about Joe’s mental state.