It’s not clear which 20th century family movie that millennials would have watched repeatedly on VHS – and/or had to read the book it was based on in elementary or middle school – best fits the experience of eight year-old Zimbabwean boy Tinotenda Pudu, who spent five days in a nature preserve evading hungry lions and living off the land in Matusadona Game Park for five days before he was rescued by rangers and returned to his home village 30 miles away, CBS News reports.

Yeah, the setting is totally The Lion King, but there were no people in the movie, which means it was set in the year 9745 AD, thousands of years after advanced, genetically engineered animals capable of speech rebelled against their human masters and either wiped them out or drove them into space, with one group of lions organizing a fascist, caste-based monarchial state in a remote part of New Mexico in which the flora had been genetically engineered to resemble that of Africa,

The state’s a caste system in which the herbivores willingly submit themselves for ritual sacrifice and consumption by their lion overlords, even bowing at the birth of their newest destroyer and – Oh yeah. The setting is like The Lion King , but unless the animals secretly spoke to Tino – or he thought they did because sometimes kids believe wacky shit – it wasn’t like The Jungle Book.

That one took place in India. Anyway, the CBS News article, based on posts from a Zimbabwean MP, seems to indicate that Tino wandered away from home on purpose, so it’s not really an African version of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. The lad’s definitely got some Huckleberry Finn in him, as he lived off the land, eating fruit and drinking water he dug out from a dry riverbed.

Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan on Friday ordered convicted felon President-Elect Trump into court next Friday to sentence him on 34 felony counts for interfering in the 2016 election by unlawfully paying off pornstar Stormy Daniels to stay quiet about their two-minute sexual encounter.

Undeterred by the GOP logjam forcing his chosen Speaker of the House candidate into a second round of voting on Friday, President-Elect Donald Trump doubled down his unwavering support for Mike Johnson in a defiant early afternoon Truth Social post, writing “The Democrats are all ‘giddy’ about our magnificent American Flag potentially being at ‘half mast’ during my Inauguration. They think it’s so great, and are so happy about it because, in actuality, they don’t love our Country, they only think about themselves. Look at what they’ve done to our once GREAT America over the past four years – It’s a total mess! In any event, because of the death of President Jimmy Carter, the Flag may, for the first time ever during an Inauguration of a future President, be at half mast. Nobody wants to see this, and no American can be happy about it. Let’s see how it plays out.”

Huh. Nothing about Mike Johnson in there, actually. But there is another post before it:

“Biden gave Liz Cheney a Medal yesterday, even though she has proven to be totally corrupt. She, ‘Bennie’ Thompson, and the rest of the Unselect Committee, destroyed and deleted all evidence from their crooked investigation of January 6th. Cheney has the distinction of losing her Congressional seat by the largest margin in History! The people of Wyoming understood how bad for our Country she was, but Biden rewarded her only because she hated ‘TRUMP.’ She’s a Warmonger of low intelligence. All she wants to do is kill people in ‘Endless Wars,’ with no gain other than to defense companies. Liz Cheney, Cryin’ Adam Kinzinger, Bennie Thompson, and the rest of these dishonest Thugs have gotten away with horrible things under the pretense of January 6th. Nancy Pelosi refused to accept the help which was offered for security. She is responsible, and admitted as much, for all to see, on her daughter’s tape. They have destroyed the lives of many people, and are rewarded by getting Biden Fake Medals. This is not America. January 20 cannot come fast enough.”

Well guess there’s nothing about Mike Johnson in that one either. Whoops.

Another Congress with a House GOP majority, another complete fucking shitshow in works for performing the most basic of functions: Electing a Speaker of The House. That, unlike feckless worm now former Congressman Kevin McCarthy was during the absolute embarrassment that was the chamber’s election in 2023, Mike Johnson already is the Speaker of the House is meaningless, there’s still no placating these freaks. Worse, there’s an even smaller Republican majority than there was last time and even more uncertainty that Johnson will still hold the gavel next week. All that said, the uncertainty works both ways and Señor Jesus Dork really could have it over and done with after one vote. McCarthy faced 20-odd defections in the worst of the 15 rounds he went. Johnson’s will very likely be lower, maybe even low enough to clinch in the first vote. Maybe.

Members of Chicago’s Lincoln United Methodist Church who prefer to attend services in Spanish will have to do so via Zoom for the foreseeable future as the congregation’s leadership have decided to take convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s incoming regime seriously on their stated goal of raiding religious services to detain undocumented immigrants, the Chicago Tribune reports.

“My family and I are tired of this,” said parishioner Francesca Lino, a US citizen a mom to six, weary of another four years of MAGA bullshit – only worse this time. Pastor Emma Lozano made the call to go online-only en Español as she girds her flock for the coming tribulations, getting ahead of it after being targeted by right wing harassment and vandalism repeatedly over the last decade. “We must take their threats seriously and prepare for the worst,” Lozano told the Tribune.

Sad. Weak. New research by a team of geophysicists and volcanologists indicates that the Yellowstone Supervolcano just doesn’t have the stuff to erupt anytime soon and it will be thousands of years if not longer before even a small-to-moderate eruption occurs at the national park.

The paper – lead authored by Hawaii Volcano Observatory geophysicist Ninfa Bennington – is a shit ton of jargon about the current underground hellscape of magma at the park, and reading from a new type of telemetry device. The findings from which lead to the conclusion that the present mix and distribution of red hot melty basaltic magma and ultra-pasty rhyolitic magma is not conducive with conditions that preceded prior eruptions. Right now there’s simply not enough pressure being put on the rhyolitic magma as it’s not concentrated in any one particular spot in the caldera.

Wow. Amazing that Jim Jordan comes out of a TV hit looking smarter and more informed than the person interviewing him, correcting Brian Kilmeade’s dumbassery after the couch guy cited a tweet by now-former Freedom Caucasians Congressman Bob Good. The funniest part is that Good actually did tweet “I will NOT be voting for Mike Johnson for Speaker todat [sic],” which is factually correct, and Kilmeade was unaware that he lost the primary to MAGA challenger John McGuire.

“Good luck today for Speaker Mike Johnson, a fine man of great ability, who is very close to having 100 percent support. A win for Mike today will be a big win for the Republican Party, and yet another acknowledgment of our 129 year most consequential Presidential Election!! – A BIG AFFIRMATION, INDEED. MAGA!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Friday, ahead of the big vote.

No idea what the hell “129 year most important election” is supposed to mean, but otherwise his intent is pretty clear: The fat fuck wants zero problems for certifying his win on Monday and he will bring a world of shit down onto whoever he doesn’t like if they don’t vote for Jesus Dork. At the same time, as soon as Trump learns that the House Republican majority could simply vote to modify the chamber’s rules and allow the certification to proceed without a speaker – or elect an “acting” one – he’ll realize he doesn’t need Johnson and that’ll (probably) be the end of “MAGA Mike.”

Donald also posted “The UK is making a very big mistake. Open up the North Sea. Get rid of Windmills!” at 12:18 AM while linking a November article about some American oil company pulling out of the region because of “windfall” taxes. “US oil firm Apache has announced plans to exit the North Sea because the windfall tax has made its UK operations ‘uneconomic,'” said a local British chamber of commerce’s article, its wording raising the very strong possibility that the orange fucking idiot believes “windfall” taxes means the oil producers have to pay to help install windmills or something, just like how he almost certainly thinks “asylum” claimants are from insane asylums.

Worth noting that Britain’s wind power infrastructure literally works too well, that operators have to disconnect them on the windiest days because the loads could fry the country’s electrical grid.

The makers of Tryngolza™, Keytruda®, Taltz®, Niktimvo™, PiaSky®, Pombiliti™, Velsipity®, Cobenfy™, Exxua™, Xdemvy®, and other pharmaceutical cocktails are concerned that brainwormed nutcase Health and Human Services Secretary nominee Robert F Kennedy Jr could make serious dent in their free rein to advertise their on Fox News and other TV content mills, even if his crusade against their insufferable commercials falls short of a full ban, the Wall Street Journal reports.

TV ad data aggregator iSpot estimate says prescription drug brands accounted for 30.7 percent of ad minutes across evening broadcasts on ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and NBC last year through December 15th, the industry spending literally hundreds of billions on hawking their cures for ailments people don’t even know existed. Abbvie’s Skyrizi® – whose side effects include upper respiratory infections, headache, joint pain, stomach (abdominal) pain, injection site reactions, low red blood cells (anemia), fever, back pain, urinary tract infection, and rash – accounted for $400 million in spending on linear TV spots in the US alone. And well it is pretty much the US alone as, save for New Zealand, America is the only developed country where pharmaceutical companies are permitted to advertise on TV. They have to make do through other means elsewhere.

Police in South Korea on Friday gave up on cuffing shitnag conservative President Yook Suk Yeol after an hourslong standoff between law enforcement serving his arrest warrant on sedition charges and a throng of his fanboys, plus his security detail, CNN reports. Yoon’s evasion further intensified the ongoing political crisis a month after the conspiracy-pilled assclown stupidly declared martial law in response to a bunch of conspiracy shit he saw on YouTube and got himself impeached for it.

The warrant remains in effect until January 6, but it’s not clear if police will try again to arrest Yoon at the presidential compound. He currently is appealing the warrant in the court system.

“Interesting how these stories are written and they always find a relative that says the bad actor was a ‘huge Trump fan.’ Funny how there is never a story regarding a bad actor that was a ‘huge Biden/Obama fan,’ right?” – Top comment on the New York Post article “Cybertruck bomber Matthew Livelsberger was ‘Rambo-type’ patriot who loved Trump, uncle reveals,” posted Thursday.

It is pretty interesting how more often than not such chaotic, over-the-top batshittery turns out to be perpetrated by “huge Trump fans,” right? And also that, for all we know, Livelsberger’s self-immolation very well could have been some “protest” by a “huge Trump fan” disappointed and angered by Donald betraying his white nationalist base on the matter of foreign worker visas by siding with the drug-addicted billionaire asshole who designed the hideous electric shitbox. Hell if there’s a better explanation for why Livelsberger did what he did on Wednesday then let’s hear it.

Either way, yes it is pretty damn funny too how this guy is fucking childish enough to impotently cry how there’s never a story about a “huge Biden/Obama fan.” Once again, it doesn’t matter if he’s a lib troll simply because dozens of other Post readers upvoted him in agreement. They’re just pissed that maniacs like Livelberger are disproportionately Trump fans, as if the average schmuck on the MAGA internet theirselves don’t regularly post and upvote shit about the “tree of liberty being watered with the blood of woke tyrants” or whatever. Quite a unique vintage of fanboy abjection.

And, not for nothing, he might as well be angry with the Post for not being as diligent with picking up what few recent stories there have been involving (likely) Dem voters and political violence. The paper did not run any articles about Issac Sissel and John Pollard, two libs who were arrested in during the campaign for threatening Trump fans. National Zero printed them with alacrity.

“On January 1, 2025, at approximately 1754 hours, Payette Police Department Officers were dispatched to the area of the 600 Block of North 8th Street, regarding a suspicious subject who was observed near a parked railroad car, attempting to light something on fire. Upon arrival in the area, officers observed fresh footprints in the snow and were able to track them to a train car, where they located a suspected undetonated Improvised Explosive Device (IED). Officers followed the fresh prints in the snow to a camp trailer that was parked near a residence in the 600 Block of N 8th St.”

“The suspect (identified as 40-year-old Payette resident, Brent Sharrai) attempted to flee from the camp trailer on foot but surrendered to Payette Police Officers after a short foot pursuit. Sharrai was taken into custody at that time on outstanding Payette County warrants. He was later booked into the Payette County Jail on those warrants, as well as additional charges for possession of a destructive device (felony), possession of a controlled substance (felony), possession of paraphernalia (misdemeanor) and resisting and obstructing officers. Due to the dangers posed by the IED, the Nampa Bomb Squad was requested for assistance in rendering the device safe.”

“Union Pacific was also notified and all trains scheduled to travel through the incident site were put on standby for approximately 5 hours, until the scene was determined to be safe. An agent with the FBI also responded to the scene to assist with the investigation. The Nampa Bomb Squad utilized their specialized robot to remove the IED from the train car and later detonated the device to render it safe,” says a Facebook post by the Payette, Idaho Police. The guy doesn’t look like a “liberal.”

Fans of asshole conservative South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol staged a sit-in and formed human chains outside of his residence in the Hannam-dong neighborhood of Seoul on Friday, so far succeeding in their goal of blocking cops from entering the home and cuffing the impeached and suspended leader on his sedition arrest warrant, KoreaPro.org reports from the scene.

Fun stuff. Anyway last week an article in the English version of Korea JoongAng Daily shows there’s there’s a direct line between Yoon’s impending political demise that began with his martial law declaration and the country’s right wing YouTuber scene, writing that two just days before he was impeached last month, Yoon “stood before a camera and made controversial and somewhat confusing statements to the public for nearly 30 minutes. He accused the opposing liberal Democratic Party (DP) of colluding with North Korea to shut down parliament and claimed that the April [2024] parliamentary election, where the opposition won the majority, was rigged. According to Yoon, there was no choice but to impose military rule and save Korea from ‘antistate forces.'”

“One month ago, far-right political YouTuber and popular pundit Ko Sung-kook uploaded videos that mirrored the president’s televised public address, including the tone and rhetoric. ‘No one trusts the polls and the NEC [National Election Commission] anymore. They carry the votes around in a basket and are a severe threat to democracy. They should not be trusted,’ Ko is filmed telling his 1.1 million subscribers,” the article continues, and damn that sure does sound like someone we know who likes to constantly rant publicly about bizarre shit that the median voter knows little to nothing about.

Except if Yoon started off ranting “They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating the pets!” then some South Koreans would be like “THAT’S A DIRTY LIE! We don’t eat cats!”

Drug addled billionaire Elon Musk will hold another live Twitter space with Alternative for Germany (AfD) fuhrer Alice Weidel on January 10th, Reuters reports on another live stream that may or may not actually function following Musk’s buggy audio chats with heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and then convicted felon President-Elect Trump in 2023 and 2024, respectively.

A House Ethics Committee interim report on Tennessee MAGA Congressman Andy Ogles finds that the “Christian” asshole who’s basically Diet George Santos “may have omitted or misrepresented required information in his financial disclosure statements or Federal Election Commission (‘FEC’) candidate committee reports. If Ogles failed to disclose or misrepresented required information in his financial disclosure statements or FEC candidate committee filings, then he may have violated House rules, standards of conduct, and federal law. Ogles’s campaign committee, Andy Ogles for Congress, may have accepted excessive contributions reported as personal loans and contributions from the candidate, that may not have been sourced from Ogles’s personal funds. If Ogles’s committee accepted personal loans and contributions that exceeded campaign contribution limits, then Ogles may have violated federal law, House rules, and standards of conduct.”

“The Board recommends that the Committee further review the above allegation concerning Ogles because there is substantial reason to believe that Ogles omitted or misrepresented required information in his financial disclosure statements or FEC committee reports. The Board recommends that the Committee further review the above allegation concerning Ogles because there is substantial reason to believe that Ogles’s campaign committee accepted excessive contributions reported as personal loans and contributions from the candidate,” the report’s intro continues.

There’s also that the fucking FBI raided Ogles’s house back in August but yeah that’s probably the last we’re going to hear about that after Director Patel takes over and fires those agents.

The committee also dropped an interim report on Florida Dem Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick over violating FEC rules on campaign payouts to a PAC, also recommending further investigation.

A “senior law enforcement official” tells the Daily Beast that Elontruck exploder Matt Livelsberger was a “big” fan of convicted felon President-Elect Trump and voted for him in November.

It’s not the only source indicating that the Green Beret who blasted himself and then the hideous electric vehicle in the entrance of the Orange God Emperor’s reality porn film studio/hotel in Las Vegas, as Livelsberger’s uncle Dean also told the independent “He loved Trump, and he was always a very, very patriotic soldier, a patriotic American,” said Dean, who sounds like a twat for acting like Trump love and patriotism are the same thing, adding “It’s one of the reasons he was in Special Forces for so many years.” The Beast also cites old Facebook posts for Livelsberger’s MAGAism.

The preponderance of evidence indicating Deadlsberger’s Trump fandom – which is obviously incongruous with his chosen “target” but also kind of oddly is on-brand for MAGA – is no doubt beiong received with the usual horror and disbelief by all the other assholes who voted for the Orange God Emperor. Earlier on Thursday the Gateway Pundit desperately tried to connect Livelsberger to Ukraine and also highlighted some anti-Trump shit his wife posted in 2016.

US Army Green Beret Matthew Livelsberger shot himself in the head immediately after igniting the explosives in the Cybertruck that kaboomed and burned outside of convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s bedbug hotel on Wednesday, Las Vegas Police officials told media on Thursday.

“In closed-circuit TV footage, a man covered in blood pounded on a stranger’s door and begged for help. A second man, also bloodied, appeared behind him and dragged him out of the camera’s view, ignoring his screams of ‘No, no, no!'” goes the in media res lede to “A healer and a life coach drank ayahuasca in a Boynton Airbnb. Then one tried to kill the other,” by the Palm Beach Daily News.

“Investigators say Stefan Leon, a 32 year-old artist and life coach who teaches meditation, breathwork and emotional intelligence, stabbed 68 year-old spiritual healer Julio Rivera five times with a chef’s knife during a three-day stay in an Airbnb in Boynton Beach,” the article continues about the October 5th stabbing incident before detailing how Leon then tried to stab one of the cops who responded while screaming he was “a demon, God himself and Hitler.”

Leon’s secret? He was high as fuck on an illegal brew called ayahuasca, a traditional shamanic ritual potion from the Amazon that the life coach previously had claimed imbued him with a “deep sense of love, compassion, and fervor for living” and as a way “out of despair and into a hopeful future.”

Except the October 5th incident. That night Leon tried to kill himself by swallowing a bottle cap, prompting Rivera, who markets himself as an “astral parasite extractor,” to force his fingers down Leon’s throat to pull the cap out. Leon then grabbed the knife and stabbed Rivera in the head, chest, and hands. Rivera’s pretty sure this was Leon’s demon fighting back in its death throes.

“I’m going to kill you motherfucker!!! You are going to die forever!” Leon – or the demon inside Leon using his body to exact revenge – screamed as he slashed at Rivera and chased him out of the Airbnb on the third night of their ayahuasca trip. Rivera survived and Leon remains out on bail ahead of his next pretrial hearing on January 30th. Judge Daliah Weiss allowed Leon to continue working at his studio as well as attend the “Art Basel” exhibition in Miami where “he participated in an art exhibition on the evils of human trafficking and posed for selfies with other artists” last month.

Sources within both the FBI and New Orleans Police Department tell ABC News that it appears that scumbag terrorist Shamsud Din Jabbar acted alone in executing Wednesday morning’s massacre in the city’s French Quarter that left at least 15 New Year’s revelers dead and dozens more injured.

There had been some questions over whether the asshole had accomplices in the neighborhood given the number of IEDs found in the area – none of which detonated, despite being “viable” – but investigators have determined Jabbar planted those himself prior to launching the attack.

Officials have not yet however been able to come to any conclusions as to whether Jabbar had received any sort of financial or material support in the lead-up to the attack or if this really was a lone wolf incident, that Jabbar paid for the truck rental, acquired the body armor and guns with his own money, built the bombs himself, and so on. The cops and feds might do well to figure out the provenance of the ISIS flag Jabbar flew on the back of the truck. If it was a plain black flag, painted by hand or a custom iron-on using specialized but relatively inexpensive printers, or made at Staples by some 19 year-old stoner employee who’s never even heard of ISIS much less seen their flag and thus wouldn’t report the job to anyone, or some other prosaic origin, then that’ll be the end of that thread. But if the fibers, dyes, ink used for the emblem, and so on are materially consistent with flags flown on the ground on their home turf then that’ll be considerably more interesting.

Because that flag, along with his name, are really the only things that make Jabbar all that different from your average Oath Keeper, Patriot Front, Atomwaffen, Identity Evropa, III Percenters, etc. Well maybe the EV pickup truck too. The “patriots” wouldn’t be caught dead driving around in one of those, even if the guns, bombs, camouflage gear, and body armor are all standard for them.