“Eagle Ed” Martin, the former Capitol rioter defense lawyer who sucked so badly at his first Trump 2.0 job of Acting DC US Attorney that he got replaced by deranged alcoholic crone Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro, is now on his way to being forced out of his second job as “Weaponization” commissar/pardon attorney at Justice Department headquarters by Trump defense lawyer/current Deputy Attorney General, who CNN reports has found the disciplinary pretext to toss Martin.

To actually dignify said pretext by reprinting it here feels wrong on like a base fundamental level because propagating even the smallest impression whatsoever that the Trump Regime places any value on integrity and professionalism. At the same time it’s darkly funny for precisely the same reason. So screw it: Blanche found that Martin had improperly shared with outsiders details of the grand jury “investigations” into California Senator Adam Schiff and New York Attorney General Letitia James’s mortgages, denied it when confronted, and then saw that denial promptly implode when Blanche found emails in which Martin had shared with outsiders the details of those “investigations.”

Again, this is as though Blanche gives a shit about misconduct when they’re already blatantly (and incompetently) weaponizing the federal criminal justice system against the Orange God Emperor’s political enemies and in favor of his friends. Blanche himself moved a profligate convicted sex offender to a cushy Club Fed for white collar criminals even when she had lied to him in an interview.

He just thinks Martin’s a thirsty amateur who never should’ve been allowed to work with men and wants him gone. Martin, who doesn’t know how to work with men, gave Blanche a reason.

There’s not a lot of info available Marshfield, Wisconsin man Mathew Samson’s actual campaign for a seat on the school board in the town about 100 miles west of Green Bay and, as such, the lack of any online presence for his bid is an early sign that he’s not going to win on the 17th.

Another, more perilous sign however might be the four felony charges of child abuse and one count each of first-degree recklessly endangering safety, false imprisonment, strangulation and suffocation, and a misdemeanor count of battery, all as a domestic abuse incident, that he was hit with last week, according to the Marshfield News Herald, who laid out the allegations against him in exhaustive and wince-inducing detail that will not be reprinted here. It was however both Samson’s wife and kids who have suffered physical and psychological abuse – including him constantly threatening suicide – at his hands for which Samson, 41, faces 48 years in the clink.

And yeah, Samson is MAGA. “I recently posted about the shooting in Madison in anger and frustration. It was a response post out of anger and frustration with the continued youth Trans epidemic and the anger was against those that harm Christian children, and underneath it those that enable these youths to be like this. I took it down because my conscience weighed on me over how un Christ like it was,” he wrote in a December 2024 Facebook post on his personal profile.

Examining the set of quotes in this Tuesday night Politico article headlined “Republicans are freaking out about Hispanic voters after a Texas upset” first requires one crucial but not especially difficult assumption: That they really are freaking out after that 15 point state Senate special beatdown on Saturday and rather than just performatively dialing up the panic meter to keep their base engaged.

If it was limited to just the actual politicians then maybe it’s mostly fear porn. But that Texas GOP consultant Brendan Steinhauser says that the “imagery coming out of Minnesota in the last few days has had a huge impact on not only Hispanic voters, but swing voters, independents in Texas and around the country. What’s transpired there has definitely led to a bit of a political backlash,” and Latino Never Trumper GOP strategist Mike Madrid said younger Latino men are activated against MAGA because all this ICE shit has “angered and upset them” then, well, maybe it really is as bad as Politico and Ted Cruz and fucking asshole Lt Gov Dannie Goeb aka Dan Patrick make it sound.

The problem for the rest of us is there’s zero quantification of how bad it’s supposed to be because the actual turnout numbers are completely useless. On Saturday Dem Taylor Rehmet won by 15 in a district Trump carried by 17 percent in 2024, which sounds impressive when you don’t actually present any of the raw counts whatsoever, which Politico didn’t. Rehmet took 54,267 votes to Republican Leigh Wambsganns’ 40,598 for a total turnout of 94,865 in this runoff. Both of them also lost a few thousand raw votes from their first round on November 4th in which some other GOP d-bag and Wambsganns combined for 52.4 percent. So that was stupid and hopefully the Texas GOP fired whoever was supposed to bribe third place loser John Huffman to drop out back in September.

Hey Nancy, this you?https://t.co/InkxwaVeeh

— Andrew Jara (@Jara_Films) February 3, 2026

A whistleblower’s complaint against Hindi nationalist freak Tulsi Gabbard so classified it had to be hidden in a safe for months has been handed over to Congressional Intel Committee leaders, CBS News reports so buckle up for another really fucking batshit scandal.

“Warren County Prosecutor David P Fornshell announced that Olivia Clendenin, 29, of Franklin was convicted by a Warren County jury of attempted murder, two counts of felonious assault, and illegal discharge of a firearm at or into a habitation, along with accompanying firearm specifications,” says the prosecutor’s office in a press release and even the long headline here can’t quite do it justice.

“On January 1, 2025, Clendenin became aware that her husband and her boyfriend were together at a party after both men found out earlier that evening about the relationship each had with Clendenin. After unsuccessfully attempting to persuade her husband to leave the party, Clendenin responded to 5559 Dearth Road in Clearcreek Township, the location of the party,” and just gotta break it there mid-sentence to note that these people are already such freaking hicks before…

…”with a .40 caliber handgun. Clendenin then fired eight shots striking a male victim, who was sitting on the porch at that residence, in the abdomen nearly killing him. ‘The victim had simply been invited to a New Year’s Eve party and found himself in the middle of Clendenin’s barrage of gunfire,’ said Fornshell. ‘Clendenin may have started 2025 as a free person but will spend the rest of 2026 and at a minimum the decade thereafter incarcerated for attempting to murder at least one of her romantic interests – albeit striking and almost killing an innocent victim,'” the press release continued.

The victim was neither the boyfriend nor the husband, he’s never been publicly identified and, as mentioned, the prosecutor only knows that Clendenin shot him, not why. Even freaking wackier is that the only jealousy involved was Olivia’s over the husband – described as “estranged” in some reporting – getting along with the boyfriend at the latter’s house, even after they both knew of the love triangle-ish sitch. Which ended in some dude getting shot in the gut eight times in a drive-by.

This pair of tweets from Minneapolis Fox 9 reporter Paul Blume need be copied and pasted here for the full effect because holy freaking shit this is where the Minnesota US Attorney’s office is at:

“SHOCKING FEDERAL COURT MOMENT: DOJ attorney Julie Le, ‘The system sucks, this job sucks’ to Judge Jerry Blackwell who pressed her on why so many court orders are being ignored by ICE/Trump admin. She asked to be held in contempt just so she could get 24 hours of sleep. Judge Blackwell had ordered the SHOW CAUSE hearing because he was frustrated that in five Habeas cases he was presiding over, he felt his orders were being ignored, leaving immigrant detainees unconstitutionally locked up for days. Le said that govt lawyers just cannot keep up,” wrote Blume.

You read that right. “This job sucks,” and asking to be held in contempt so to sleep in a jail cell is where the Trump Administration’s Justice Department’s morale is right now. Epic rage quit.

“Sleazebag ‘influencer’ and lawyer Leonard Leo, who has legal issues of his own, goes around telling everyone how he has the Legal System RIGGED. I hope that’s not true and, if it is, it should be thoroughly looked into. Leonard has a big and very dangerous mouth!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday afternoon, evidently enraged by Leo breaking kayfabe and bragging about having installed fascist authoritarians that helped save Donald from dying in prison.

Then again it’s more likely that Trump doesn’t understand Leo’s role in shaping the federal judiciary and thinks that the handful of times they ruled against him make Leo an antagonist. Never mind that Trump actually, you know, nominated dozens of those judges that Leo vetted and sent to him.

The post came hours after the fat bastard posted “Was Ilhan Omar there to protect her corrupt ‘homeland?'” atop a link to a Fox News video headlined “US forces strike ISIS-Somalia leaders in Somalia caves: foxnews.com/video/638867263011” because “hahahahaha Ilhan Omar’s in ISIS!” which is just stupid. If she were then the fucking idiot would’ve gotten what he’s wanted for years.

Surprisingly that one about Omar flew well under the radar of pretty much everyone else except Politico, like he’s gotta say something REALLY racist to grab the headlines these days.

“We had three Republican candidates who were ahead on election day in last cycle, and every time a new tranche of ballots came in they just magically whittled away until their leads were lost. It looks on its face to be fraudulent. Can I prove that? No,” said Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson Tuesday when asked if he agrees with convicted felon President Trump’s batshit insane call for the Republicans to somehow “nationalize elections” in “15 states,” in November. “Looks fraudulent.”

Must be nice to be that entitled of a cunt that merely having a suspicion makes one feel morally justified in tilting the table to one’s advantage. The NFL refs should apply the same logic to the “Big Game” on Sunday, make the Patriots’ receivers take off their right cleat just bec- Oh wait the Patriots did cheat a bunch of times over the last two decades. Plus their owner liked to get handjobs at a massage parlor owned by a Chinese spy who was often spotted hanging out at Mar-a-Lago.

Bad analogy. How about Republicans just have their own unofficial TurningPoint USA midterms on November 4? It’ll be a celebration of freedom without any woke Puerto Ricans to deal with.

Officials in Peoria, Illinois this week sued to block a state gaming board vote to consider the Par-a-Dice Casino’s plan to demolish its 1991-built premises and rebuild at the same spot, WMBD reports.

The specifics of the fight against the casino’s operator and the rebuild of the decaying gaming mecca aren’t really that important because holy fuck, “Par-a-Dice”? Good God. That’s actually depressing. Legitimately almost as bad as a Long Island fragrance outlet called “It Makes Scents.”

Denying them a new permit isn’t enough, they need to incite a mob to firmly but not violently chase everyone out of the building and burn it to the ground. Pave Par-a-Dice, put up a parking lot.

A US CENTCOM official tells Fox News that a Navy F-35C on Tuesday shot down an Iranian Shaheed drone after it “aggressively approached a US Navy aircraft carrier with unclear intent,” a development that may or may not have been the end result of binge-drinking date-rapist Pete Hegseth having googled “Gulf of Tonka [sic] accident [sic]” and getting “a fucking killer idea.”

“They did it in the water near Cuba too in like 1889 and then there was this newspaper guy who was kind of like Mr Murdoch before Mr Murdoch who wanted to give Teddy Roosevelt a reason to fight the Mexicans and then we took over Gitmo Bay when we got the beaners to surrender,” Hegseth probably said to the Joint Chiefs of Staff during a tense Pentagon briefing on the incident.

“I like Teddy Roosevelt. Much better president than the crippled one. I heard he would go on these safaris in India or Africa and he always came back with like a dead tiger or elephant. I bet he shot people too, just hunted them like they were animals because that’s more fun. Wouldn’t that be awesome if we could just go into some jungle village and sight a rifle at a voodoo chief? Like imagine he’s holding up his spear and saying some shit in his ooga booga language but you just know that he kind of knows he’s about to die? Fuck man. I wanna do that so badly,” Hegseth probably continued as the professional officers stared uncomfortably, one or two softly clearing their throats.

“USS Abraham Lincoln was transiting the Arabian Sea approximately 500 miles from Iran’s southern coast when an Iranian Shahed-139 drone unnecessarily maneuvered toward the ship,” CENTCOM said in a statement on the possible deliberately staged escalation ordered by Hegseth.

Shot, and not of Jim Beam:

I bring a gun into the district every week, @USAttyPirro. I have a license in Florida and DC to carry. And I will continue to carry to protect myself and others.

Come and Take it! https://t.co/GThPY2I8HO

— Congressman Greg Steube (@RepGregSteube) February 3, 2026

Terrified chaser:

A message to my fellow gun owners…put your safety back on 😉 pic.twitter.com/fkgWD7GsuB

— Jeanine Pirro (@JudgeJeanine) February 3, 2026

Israeli prosecutors on Tuesday announced their intent to charge Bezalel Zini, brother of Shin Bet director David Zini, following Bezalel’s arrest two weeks ago on suspicion of running an operation that smuggled hundreds of thousands worth of cigarettes into the Gaza Strip, Ynet reports.

“It is important that the public know that no tanks or drones were smuggled, otherwise people will believe the rumors that are published online. I have found it permissible to publish the nature of the suspicions, in order to dispel the heavy cloud surrounding the suspicions,” said Judge Yaniv Ben Harosh, and yes this is all translated by Google if you’re wondering why it’s so janky but holy shit.

“Everything is fake, we are without fear of anything. They don’t want to bring him down, but his brother [David]. Thank God the public understands this well,” said the Zinis’ father, Rabbi Yosef. Well guess it wasn’t MAGA-inspired enough for the son of a bitch connected to the Netanyahu Regime’s Israeli version of the FBI to be profiting by supplying a black market controlled by Hamas without his not-actually-an-Evangelical-pastor dad to be calling it fake news and a Deep State plot.

The so-much-more-competent-at-spaceflight-than-Biden-ever-was Trump Administration’s NASA on Tuesday scrubbed this week’s planned launch of the first crewed Artemis mission to send four astronauts around the moon due to a hydrogen leak in the rocket booster, Reuters reports.

The next window to launch will be next month, the first trans-lunar human spaceflight since the end of the Apollo program early 1970s and a dress rehearsal for planned landings in the next few years.

“I agree with what Lindsey [Graham] is saying on defunding these sanctuary cities. We should pull our TSA agents out of their airports and not allow their airpot to be classified as international or even a regional hub. We should pull all of our aid,” said Oklahoma Senator Mark Wayne “Markwayne” Mullin on Fox News Monday night, which would mean he’s willing to fly to West Virginia or Tennessee and then drive to DC because Dulles and Reagan would be shut down without TSA.

“Why hasn’t the Fake News New York Times adjusted its phony article on the corruption and antisemitism which has taken place at Harvard. They never call for facts, or factchecks, because the Times’ is a corrupt, unprincipled, and pathetic vehicle of the Left. They wrote only negatively about me in the last Election, and I won in a landslide. To anyone who knows, they have ZERO credibility, a ‘Rag’ at the lowest level. I look forward to watching their rapidly falling circulation force them to finally close their doors. That would be great news for America!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday after the Times reported that he had forgotten his stupid anti-Harvard crusade.

The fat fuck really lost it after that story, posting “Strongly Antisemitic Harvard University has been feeding a lot of ‘nonsense’ to The Failing New York Times. Harvard has been, for a long time, behaving very badly! They wanted to do a convoluted job training concept, but it was turned down in that it was wholly inadequate and would not have been, in our opinion, successful. It was merely a way of Harvard getting out of a large cash settlement of more than 500 Million Dollars, a number that should be much higher for the serious and heinous illegalities that they have committed. This should be a Criminal, not Civil, event, and Harvard will have to live with the consequences of their wrongdoings. In any event, this case will continue until justice is served. Dr Alan Garber, the President of Harvard, has done a terrible job of rectifying a very bad situation for his institution and, more importantly, America, itself. He was hired AFTER the antisemitism charges were brought – I wonder why??? We are now seeking One Billion Dollars in damages, and want nothing further to do, into the future, with Harvard University,” all of this shit because Barron didn’t get accepted.

“Governor Kathy Hochul continues to hold a commanding lead over Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman, 54-28 percent, little changed from 50-25 percent in December, according to a new Siena Poll of New York State registered voters released today. Among registered Democrats, Hochul has an overwhelming 64-11 percent lead over Lt Governor Antonio Delgado, up from 56-13 percent in December. Hochul’s 49-40 percent favorability rating, up from 43-41 percent in December, is the first time Hochul has hit 49 percent favorable,” says the toplines of a new statewide Siena survey.

Siena also found Dems leading the statewide generic congressional ballot 56 to 29 percent which, while the question was phrased differently in their August 2022 poll as “who would you like to see control the House of Representatives,” as preference rather than intent, Dems had a smaller 55 to 40 percent lead there, the year the 3rd District sent fucking George Santos to Congress.

Mike Lawler and the other NYC-area Republican dipshits might want to keep an eye on that.

BREAKING 🚨 𝕏 offices in Paris were just RAIDED by the corrupt French and European police

This should NOT be happening to our American companies

TARIFFS TIME

— MAGA Voice (@MAGAVoice) February 3, 2026

It’s still early on in this particular news cycle but already we’ve got a MAGA media “voice” skipping the part about this being a French law enforcement investigation into Grok’s child porn-generating capabilities. “Summons for voluntary interviews on April 20, 2026, in Paris have been sent to Mr Elon Musk and Ms Linda Yaccarino, in their capacity as de facto and de jure managers of the X platform at the time of the events,” said Paris’s top prosecutor in a statement following the raid.