Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson has removed Congressman Mike Turner from the chair of the House Intelligence Committee, CNN’s Annie Grayer reports. The reasons are not totally clear but probably because he’s considered a “RINO” among the fanboys for occasional independent thought.

Ranking Member Dem Congressman Jim Himes tells CNN’s Manu Raju that the firing “sends a shiver down my spine” and he’s “enormously concerned,” adding that Turner doesn’t automatically “bend the knee” to Trump and kept his “eyes on the prize” of oversight of the intel community.

Former Hampton, Virginia cop J’ron Harry is available for any other police departments who would want to hire him after he was the victim of a sneaky hooker named “Dream” who stole his personal vehicle, wallet, and phone after a December 30th trick at his Virginia Beach home, WAVY reports.

He could be useful for, you know, investigating similar cases of prostitutes stealing stuff from their johns. It happens a lot. Anyway Harry admitted to paying Alexis “Dream” Copeland $100 for the good time late last month and, when he was finished, went into the shower and asked her to join him. Instead “Dream” grabbed his keys and other shit, taking the car for a ride. Later that night other cops found the car and arrested “Dream,” who now faces Grand larceny auto theft, Grand larceny of greater than or equal to $1,000 not taken directly from another person, Credit card fraud of less than $1,000 in six-month period, Prostitution, Obtain credit card number – larceny, and Grand larceny – stealing motor vehicle. She’s due in court March 28th. What a total “nightmare” for her, right?

Officers from the New York City Police Department will have fewer chances to fuck shit up with their patrol cars after February 1st as a new rule taking effect will prohibit them from vehicular pursuits of suspects for traffic infractions and non-violent misdemeanors, a measure aimed at reducing the collateral damage often caused by car chases in the city, the New York Post reports.

“The NYPD’s enforcement efforts must never put the public or the police at undue risk, and pursuits for violations and low-level crimes can be both potentially dangerous and unnecessary,” said NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch. “The advanced tools of modern-day policing make it possible to apprehend criminals more safely and effectively than before, making many pursuits unnecessary.”

The NYPD’s data shows roughly 25 percent of the nearly 2,300 vehicle pursuits in 2024 resulted in a crash, property damage or physical harm, including an Astoria woman on a bike who was killed when a burglary suspect hit her fleeing from cops on October 22nd. Not sure how that wouldn’t have happened with this policy in place given that burglary is usually charged as a felony.

Justine Bateman calls for Gavin Newsom to be removed amid LA fires 'before something worse happens' https://t.co/y4Qb0qI3c5

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 15, 2025

Fox News on Wednesday reported that Justine Bateman has called for California Governor Gavin Newsom to be removed from office amid the fires ravaging Los Angeles. The tweet linking to their article about Justine Bateman used a photo of her face expressing contempt and disappointment while staring at something, possibly an image of the governor or a television with him speaking.

The significance of Justine Bateman expressing her opinion on the matter of Newsom’s tenure is self-evident in the very tweet and the article it links to. All questions such as “Who is Justine Bateman?” and “Seriously, who the fuck is Justine Bateman?” have thus already been addressed.

Fox News has spoken loud and clear: This is Justine Bateman’s world, you and Gavin Newsom are just living in it. The raging fires and immense suffering are just background noise. You are nothing.

Sources tell the Washington Post’s Jeff Stein that convicted felon “President-Elect Donald Trump is encouraging Vivek Ramaswamy” to “take” the now-empty Ohio Senate seat following couchfucker Jaydee Vance’s resignation ahead of his swearing in as Vice President on Monday.

“Unclear what this would mean for DOGE, which Trump picked Ramaswamy and Musk to lead in November,” Stein adds, before noting that the “Senate decision up to Ohio’s governor.” Which means that Ramaswamy can only “take” it if it’s being offered. There’s no mention of whether Mike DeWine is actually offering it to Ramaswamy. He can’t otherwise just “take” the appointment.

Unclear is whether Dems should want “Da Vek” in the seat if there’s any hope for Sherrod Brown to make a comeback. On one hand he’s got a shit ton of money and it’s Ohio. On the other he’s a complete jackass and might end up being pretty unpopular in the Buckeye State.

Israel and Hamas have agreed to a ceasefire and hostage release deal, the AP reports. Great that convicted felon President-Elect Trump can claim credit for it after his threats to Gaza.

And like clockwork the fat bastard posted “WE HAVE A DEAL FOR THE HOSTAGES IN THE MIDDLE EAST. THEY WILL BE RELEASED SHORTLY. THANK YOU!” emphasis added to the “WE,” even though subsequent reporting will no doubt reveal it was Biden’s State Department that did the actual work.

“This EPIC ceasefire agreement could have only happened as a result of our Historic Victory in November, as it signaled to the entire World that my Administration would seek Peace and negotiate deals to ensure the safety of all Americans, and our Allies. I am thrilled American and Israeli hostages will be returning home to be reunited with their families and loved ones,” he continued.

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Wednesday commanded that no new wind turbines be built until 2029, posting “Windmills are an economic and environmental disaster. I don’t want even one built during my Administration. The thousands of dead and broken ones should be ripped down ASAP. Most expensive energy, only work with massive government subsidies, which we will no longer pay!” along with a video clip of shards of fiberglass washing up on the beaches of Martha’s Vineyard from a busted wind turbine from last summer, prompting closures due to the hazard.

Seems like kind of an edge case rather than an outright “economic and environmental disaster,” but let’s see how effective the fat fuck is in halting construction of new wind turbines nationwide.

“Following a devastating hurricane season, Duke Energy Florida is giving away 1,000 free trees to its customers as part of its ongoing collaboration with the Arbor Day Foundation. On Friday, Jan 17, which is also Florida Arbor Day, Duke Energy Florida customers can request a free tree online starting at 9 am at arborday.org/dukeenergy, while supplies last. The 1-gallon trees are shipped directly to customers’ homes with planting and care instructions and are expected to be delivered in time for National Arbor Day in April,” says a press release from Florida utility Duke Energy.

“Available tree species include the sweetbay magnolia, red maple, bald cypress, bottlebrush and crape myrtle (pink). The company also participates in several National Arbor Day tree giveaways with local cities, counties and communities and encourages residents to be on the lookout for those opportunities in the coming spring,” the press release continued. No fine print was included, just some “tips” to the free tree recipients on making sure they plant it away from power lines.

It’s not clear what will happen to the remaining trees should fewer than 1,000 ratepayers take Duke up on the offer – as in whether they’ll be planted on one of the utility’s properties or promptly thrown in a wood chipper and the mulch dumped in a landfill. And while the press release encouraged the lucky ratepayers to plant their tree, it didn’t say they had to. After all, it’s theirs to put in the garage until it dies or to strip down and try to carve into a staff like Gandalf’s from The Lord of The Rings before getting bored with that project and throwing it out. You could even rip off the leaves and paint the wood black so it becomes a scary Halloween tree and/or year-round goth tree.

The 2025 Duke Energy Free Tree giveaway starts 9 AM EST Friday. Get em before they’re gone!

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump has delighted in the obsequiousness of corporate leaders bowing before him and lavishing large gifts upon his transition/inaugural funds, Axios reports on the fat fuck happily screaming at them for their about-face in the threats of his wrath.

“You guys made this amount of money last year and you’re gonna make so much more now because of me,” Trump told lampreys from one company. “But when I needed you, where the fuck were you? You weren’t with me and maybe you were with” Kamala Harris. A minion tells Axios the oligarchs can expect basically nothing. A lot of these guys are going down [to Mar-a-Lago] taking victory laps because he’s taking their money and they’re in for a rude awakening,” a corporate consultant said.

“Sure, he’ll throw an inaugural party with their money but he owes them nothing.” A Trump aide said “He’ll take your money and then tell you, ‘I don’t give a fuckk what you want.’ He did that during the campaign. He’s going to do what he wants, what the base wants.”

Tops on this quintuple feature of Wednesday Senate confirmation Wrestlemanias is Matt Gaetz replacement former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi’s hearing before the Judiciary Committee for her to become the nation’s top law enforcement Trump retribution officer.

Following the failure of the last two attempts to “expunge” one or both of convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s impeachments from his first maladministration, white nationalist conspiracy freak Marjorie Taylor Greene this week introduced HR 25, this one targeted at the second impeachment.

“Whereas the Constitution provides that the House of Representatives ‘shall have the sole Power of Impeachment’ and that the President ‘shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors’; Whereas, on January 13, 2021, the House of Representatives passed H. Res. 24, Agreeing to Article I of the Resolution Impeaching Donald John Trump, President of the United States, for high Crimes and Misdemeanors, by a vote of 232 Yeas, 197 Nays, and 4 Not Voting; Whereas Article I of the Resolution, entitled ‘Incitement of Insurrection’, contains a subjective account of that which transpired at the Capitol on January 6, 2021; Whereas Article I of the Resolution omits any discussion of the circumstances, unusual voting patterns, and voting anomalies of the 2020 Presidential election itself;”

[A shit ton more “Whereas” lines whining about the 2020 election.]

“Resolved, That the January 13, 2021, impeachment of President Donald John Trump is expunged, as if such article had never passed the full House of Representatives, as the facts and circumstances upon which such article was based met the burden of proving neither that President Trump committed ‘high Crimes and Misdemeanors’, as set forth in section 4 of article II of the Constitution, nor that President Trump engaged in ‘insurrection or rebellion against the United States’, such that he is forever precluded from ‘hold[ing] any office… under the United States’ pursuant to section 3 of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution,” says the text of the bill.

The newest Marist/NPR/PBS national survey’s question of “In the coming year, do you expect your personal family finances to” finds 63 percent of Republican voters answering “get better” vs 26 percent saying “stay about the same” and only 11 percent saying “get worse.” While the opposite motivated reasoning for Dem respondents was definitely there it was less pronounced, with 32 percent saying it will get worse for them vs 41 percent “same” and 27 percent saying it’ll improve.

Overall 44 percent of respondents expect improvement to 22 percent worse and 34 percent same.

The ceremony marking convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s ill-gotten return to power will be as cold and miserable as his wife as the forecast calls for a low of 7 degrees overnight, climbing up to just 29 at noon, with winds gusting up to 17 miles per hour and an Accuweather “Real Feel” of 16 degrees under partly cloudy skies. Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson may’ve ordered the Capitol flags to return to full-pole but the far bigger task for him now is to pray the cold away.

Should the near-deadly low temperatures deplete the crowd present and result in embarrassing images just keep in mind the MAGA assholes would never accept extreme cold as an excuse for a weak turnout if this were Kamala Harris getting sworn in. So don’t feel bad mocking them.

Then again it’s easy to imagine that the propaganda machine is guaranteeing that revelers will be given warming pouches and heating stations will be made available on the National Mall just to try to get more cultists to show up. And then when they do the few hundred pouches will run out within minutes as will the 30 max capacity of the four tents with those propane space heating lamps.

The Los Angeles MAGA asshole who was mocked for a tweet offering to “pay any amount” for private firefighters to protect his $3 million home in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood before deleting his account has now had his house deleted too, the New York Post reports, citing a LA County Sheriff’s website with updates on the status of individual addresses in the region.

“Does anyone have access to private firefighters to protect our home in Pacific Palisades? Need to act fast here. All neighbors houses burning. Will pay any amount. Thank you,” wrote the self-described “real estate baller” Keith Wasserman last week, attracting scorn from the libs who also saw his previous anti-property tax and pro-MAGA posts on the platform, with the anti-tax thing a particular sticking point as the levies fund Los Angeles’s fire department.

California Governor Gavin Newsom pretty excellently skewered convicted felon President-Elect Trump in multiple ways during this not very long clip, pretty much hitting on all his insecurities by mocking his childishness and ignorance, saying his ego will be sated by praise if he does what he’s supposed to do to help the people that suffered, and very excellently told what may or may not be an apocryphal tale of firefighters getting emotional when speaking to President Joe Biden.

Following yet another hours-long standoff with the presidential security detail, having to use fucking ladders to climb over buses the guards had placed there to block them from entry, cops in Seoul on Wednesday finally made their way inside impeached and wanted fugitive South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol to serve the arrest warrant on the disgraced right wing asshole, the AP reports.

No word yet on whether Yoon has been cuffed and how long it will take cops to get him out of the compound – if they can even get their hands on him. The fact that they even got inside, after having to deal with the buses, hundreds of Yoon’s dickhead fanboys, not to mention National Assembly members from Yoon’s party, is newsworthy on its own however. Yoon’s been holed up in residence for weeks following his impeachment and automatic suspension from office over his December 3rd martial law declaration that had been inspired by crazy conspiracy bullshit on YouTube.

UPDATE 1/14/2025 9:25 PM: Yoon arrested.

The US Securities and Exchange Commission on Tuesday filed a lawsuit against drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk for failing to disclose that he had purchased a ton of shares of Twitter during the lead-up to his takeover of the platform, increasing the value of his stake, Bloomberg reports.

The inaugural hearing of the House “DOGE” Subcommittee is (allegedly) still ongoing but that choice clip above of Texas Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett mocking the MAGA dipshits for dancing to Elon Musk’s beat is just the latest in the highlight reel that has already seen Nancy Mace weakly challenge Crockett to “take this outside” after being called a “child” for her batshittery.

A Vancouver, Washington man, his sister, and his former roommate’s son filed a lawsuit against PeaceHealth Southwest Medical Center last month over a pretty twisted fuckup from 2021.

Best to go in a straight line with this, per KGW 8’s reporting: On August 8, 2021, David Wells was eating dinner in the apartment he shared with roommate Mike Beehler when he began to choke on a piece of steak. Beehler discovered Wells and dialed 911, identifying himself by name. The dispatcher must’ve entered his name as Mike Beehler because that was the name Wells had been admitted as.

At some point shortly afterward Mike’s sister Debbie Danielson, also of Vancouver, got a call from PeaceHealth. Mike had been treated there before so her name was listed as his next-of-kin in his file at the hospital. “They said he’s basically brain dead,” Debbie told KGW. “Do you want us to keep him on life support, or do you want to pull the plug?” She said yes, but did not herself show up to the hospital. She spent the next few days making funeral arrangements, posting an obituary, and was even told not to worry about formally identifying her (not actual) brother’s body at the morgue.

Then Mike called a few days later. “I said, ‘You can’t be alive. You’re dead!” said Debbie.

Now Debbie, Mike, and David’s son, Shawn Wells, are co-plaintiffs in lawsuits against the hospital and the dipshits at the ambulance company whose EMTs didn’t even ask basic questions when responding to Mike’s call about his roommate having choked on a piece of steak.