The incendiary devices that torched a shit ton of ballots in drop boxes in Portland, Oregon and nearby Vancouver, Washington had “Free Gaza” written on them, USA Today reports.

“It was not immediately known whether the suspect was a pro-Palestinian activist or whether the fires were an attempt to cause confusion ahead of the election,” they wrote in the article and no shit it very well might have been a false flag. Something seems off about “Free Gaza,” like that’s not the actual language used. Shouldn’t it be “Free Palestine,” “Ceasefire Now,” or “River to the Sea”?

Old Man Biden’s going to lurch out of his coffin and give the children a ghastly fright before handing out candy and reminding them that he’s a kind and decent president who cares about them

Several people are dead at the scene of a Wednesday hit and run accident at a historic cemetery in the town of Hyannisport on the Cape Cod peninsula in Massachusetts, Boston 25 reports.

They were dead before the accident too, some possibly for 150 years or even more, based on the dates sort of visible on the weathered headstones knocked over by the Hyundai Santa Cruz that some asshole, who had fled from the cops earlier, plowed into the cemetery at around 7:25 AM.

The vehicle was left at the scene and the suspect fled on foot. No description of the driver was available but, unless it was stolen, cops should be able to figure out who was behind the wheel.

Are winged rodents in your home driving you just batty? Well the Fort Myers, Florida News-Press has THE article for you on how to deal with an unexpected visit from a squeaky little flying bastard.

“The first step in removing a bat from your home is to stay calm,” the paper quotes from tips by the Florida Bat Conservancy. “If the bat is flying around, it is not trying to attack anyone, it is only attempting to find a way out.” Next you need to turn on all your lights because, contrary to some dated myths, bats aren’t blind and don’t fear light. “Next, close the doors to adjoining rooms to confine it to one room. Open any exterior doors and windows in the room the bat is flying around (more bats will not fly in),” the Bat Conservancy says but we have to stop them right there.

What the hell makes them so sure about that? Okay maybe they’re saying that bats outside will not automatically follow the first one indoors but they should spell that out and not fucking lie to people.

“More than likely, the bat will just fly out the open door or window within a few minutes. Do not chase the bat out.” Okay. Don’t chase bat. But can you bang pots and pans or something to scare the fucker toward the egress? Well they sure as hell don’t say that or anything about to do next.

The next section begins with “It will take more effort to remove a breeding colony than a single bat that accidentally flew into your home or garage.” Lol. They don’t say whether to stay calm.

See what we did there with the headline? It’s Kamala in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, which is the state capital. We’re pretty good at coming up with clever little puns like that sometimes.

Requesting a judge relocate the initial hearing in his case against Elon Musk over the $1 million lottery scam, Philadelphia District Attorney Larry Krasner filed a motion Wednesday seeking enhanced “security surrounding the hearing. Enhanced security is possible either at City Hall or at the Juanita Kidd Stout Center for Criminal Justice (CJC), which is more fully staffed with sheriffs than City Hall. The same day this Complaint was filed, Elon Musk posted to his 202.7 million followers on X, the social-media website he owns, his agreement with an attack on the integrity of the Court the statement that Larry Krasner ‘knows it’s not illegal but wants a leftist judge to stop it before Election Day.’ That retweet now has 8.9 million views. Id. It immediately triggered an avalanche of posts from Musk’s followers. Many made antisemitic attacks on Krasner. See, eg, Exhibit 1 at 2 (‘Krasner and Soros, both Jewish, both corrupt goons.’); Exhibit 1 at 3 (‘Shapiro PA Governor / Krasner Philly DA / soros money machinations / what’s the Jewish population of Pennsylvania? Weird how they end up in every position of consequence every single time.’)

“Even worse, one account responded to posts about the lawsuit at least 19 times by inviting political violence, posting Krasner family’s home address, including numerous posts also stating, ‘Krasner loves visitors. Mask up and leave all cellphones at home.’ The directives to ‘mask up’ and to ‘leave all cellphones at home’ are to prevent identification of illegal actors by video, by eyewitnesses, and by cellphone geolocation. These posts, which unquestionably are criminal, and remain posted on Musk’s X website,” Krasner continued in the motion, also asking the judge to require Musk be present.

Puerto Rican-Dominican American rapper Nicky Jam, a dude who convicted felon former President Trump referred to as “she” before he took the stage with him at a Las Vegas rally last month, undorsed the fat fuck in an Instagram video on Wednesday. “The reason that I supported Donald Trump is because I thought he would be better on the economy in the US where a lot of Latinos live, myself included. There are a lot of immigrants who are suffering because of the economy and as a businessman I thought this was the best movement. Never in my life did I think that just one month later a comedian would show up and criticize my country, and speak poorly of my country. And for that, I revoke any support for Donald Trump,” said Jam, translation via NBC’s Alec Hernandez

Just listen to these two mutants piss and moan about the Harris campaign’s winks to women to vote for her against their domineering MAGA husbands’ commands. What fucking worms.

A Chinese-born non-citizen University of Michigan student who voted Sunday faces charges of unauthorized elector attempting to vote and perjury for casting the ballot, which is in all likelihood going to end up counting because it already went through a tabulator, the Detroit News reports.

The 19 year-old male student, name withheld, signed a document identifying himself as a US citizen before casting the ballot, then he contacted the county clerk’s office to ask if he could get the ballot back, apparently having realized he fucked up. No doubt he would’ve been caught sooner or later.

But the MAGA kids sure are going to freak the fuck out over this one. Especially if Donald loses.

Dem PAC American Bridge is putting $200,000 into a mass texting campaign to Latinos in Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin to make sure they know what Tony Hinchcliffe said about them at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, Politico reports on not letting a bad day for MAGA go to waste.

“Floating island of garbage?! This happened over the weekend from a Trump-approved ‘comedian’ and Trump STILL hasn’t apologized. This degrading treatment of Americans isn’t funny. It’s an example of what it could be like if he’s elected again,” the text will say, twisting the knife on them.

Convicted felon former President Trump has pulled out of a planned Saturday appearance at the Penn State-Ohio sportsball game for reasons unknown but hopefully bad and embarrassing.

So here’s Vice President Kamala Harris pledging to seek common ground with Americans of all political stripes and vowing that non-Democrats and those who don’t vote for her are not the enemy.

A new Marquette Law School survey of likely voters in Wisconsin finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 46 to 44 percent with phone sex freak Bobby Jr, who cannot get off the ballot, in third at 5 percent and other Russian asset Jill Stein at 1 percent.

We’ll be thanking the Good Lord for a long time if, should He choose to condemn the mentally infirm Orange Sinner to a defeat followed by imprisonment, that He also ensure that Kennedy’s vote total in Wisconsin and Michigan larger than the margin of Harris’s win. May the Almighty flavor His creation with that particular cosmic justice to those who urged Bobby to run third party last year.

“The Trump-Vance Campaign filed a lawsuit against Bucks County, Pennsylvania for turning away voters. This is a direct violation of Pennsylvanians’ rights to cast their ballot – and all voters have a right to STAY in line. The Pennsylvania Department of State made clear if voters are in line at a county elections office by 5:00 PM, the counties MUST give voters the opportunity to apply for their mail-in ballot. Pennsylvania voters were turned away as early as 2:30 PM,” says the Trump campaign in a statement. They don’t say what relief they’re seeking and what they could get since early voting is already over in Pennsylvania. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was $100 million in damages.

House Foreign Affairs Chair Michael McCaul was alarmed Wednesday by reports that then-25 year-old Tim Walz once had a girlfriend who was the daughter of a ChiCom party official – who died in 1999 – when Walz worked as a teacher in China in 1989, nearly two decades before Walz ever McCaul evidently forgetting he was supposed to be outraged over Joe Biden ambiguously calling Trump “supporters” garbage. Some politics expert this guy is, missing that memo.

A new set of CNN swing state surveys finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 48 to 43 percent in Michigan, 51 to 45 percent in Wisconsin, while Pennsylvania is tied at 48 percent each. At a margin of error at 4.8 percent that puts Harris outside in Mich and Wis. Probably her best polling this month.

“During my Administration, we had peace in the Middle East, and we will have peace again very soon! I will fix the problems caused by Kamala Harris and Joe Biden and stop the suffering and destruction in Lebanon. I want to see the Middle East return to real peace, a lasting peace, and we will get it done properly so it doesn’t repeat itself every 5 or 10 years! I will preserve the equal partnership among all Lebanese communities. Your friends and family in Lebanon deserve to live in peace, prosperity, and harmony with their neighbors, and that can only happen with peace and stability in the Middle East. I look forward to working with the Lebanese community living in the United States of America to ensure the safety and security of the great people of Lebanon. Vote Trump for Peace!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Wednesday and whatever internal polling he got that told him he had to spew this shit must be interesting.

🚨🚨🚨 HUGE 🚨🚨🚨 GAME CHANGER 🚨🚨🚨 DEMS R SO FUCKED 🚨🚨🚨 “The House Judiciary Committee is examining a whistleblower report that the FBI targeted Donald Trump soon after he announced his presidential campaign in June 2015, an off-the-books operation ordered by FBI Director James B Comey that predated the Crossfire Hurricane operation. An FBI agent involved in the probe revealed the off-the-books criminal investigation on Tuesday in a protected disclosure sent to the committee,” says the lede to an EXPLOSIVE new Washington Times report.

Good fucking God, these people are actually serious. It was even in a freaking Truth Social push alert on Tuesday. Fucking tweaker trolls on The Hill Disqus threads at 3:30 AM in October 2018 would barely even blink at this and here we are so many years later with Jim Jordan and his assclown car trying to make it a thing again. In what universe do even a majority of the most hardcore MAGA dead-enders in their audience still get fired up over “OBAMAGATE”?

“The whistleblower disclosure said two female FBI undercover agents infiltrated Mr Trump’s 2016 campaign at high levels and were directed to act as ‘honeypots’ while traveling with Mr Trump and his campaign staff on the trail,” the article continues and holy fuck. This isn’t real. Can barely even copy and paste from this article, forget typing a summary. Torso hurts from laughing too hard.

“I don’t really do endorsements. I’m not shy about sharing my views, but I hate politics and don’t trust most politicians. I also understand that people want to hear from me because I am not just a celebrity, I am a former Republican Governor. My time as Governor taught me to love policy and ignore politics. I’m proud of the work I did to help clean up our air, create jobs, balance the budget, make the biggest infrastructure investment in state history, and take power from the politicians and give it back to the people when it comes to our redistricting process and our primaries in California.”

“That’s policy. It requires working with the other side, not insulting them to win your next election, and I know it isn’t sexy to most people, but I love it when I can help make people’s lives better with policies, like I still do through my institute at USC, where we fight for clean air and stripping the power from the politicians who rig the system against the people… And I will always be an American before I am a Republican. That’s why, this week, I am voting for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz,” wrote former Celebrity Apprentice host Arnold Schwarzenegger on Wednesday.

“No matter where you put [guck guck] that apostrophe, it’s [mmmm… guck guck guck] a distraction for Harris [mmmmmfmmm guck guck] going into the [guck guck guck guck slurrrrrrrrptttttt] final six days – and [slurrrrpppttttup-tup-tup] an interesting final test [guck guck guck…. mmff slurpt] for her relationship with the man who elevated her to the vice presidency and handed her [guck guck guck guck guck] the campaign baton,” wrote Politico Playbook earlier. Maybe they can poke their heads out from under the GOP’s table and see if this response means she’s passed their fucking “test.”