Equatorial Guinea Vice President Nguema Obiang Mangue on Tuesday wasn’t naming names but just said it: Too many government officials are using taxpayer time and property to fuck and it has to stop immediately, Reuters reports. “The executive is taking this decision following the videos of a sexual nature that have gone viral on social media in recent days and that denigrate the country’s image,” said the tiny West African country’s state information agency in a statement on the crisis.

It’s not clear why it’s the veep and not his boss, President Teodoro Obiang, speaking publicly about the crackdown, but it’d be hilarious if the job was handed to Mangue and he’s leading the anti-fucking in government offices task force as part of his vice presidential “portfolio,” kind of like the time Trump announced Mike Pence would lead the COVID-19 response so he could take the blame.

Anyway, the crackdown means increased security patrols in the buildings and more surveillance cameras to stop encounters that reportedly surfaced after a police raid on the home of a finance ministry official turned up hundreds of amateur porn clips of women who Reuters writes “appeared to include wives of other powerful government figures and other family members.” Yikes.

“A lot of talk about massive CHEATING in Philadelphia. Law Enforcement coming!!!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday, clearly agitated and impotent per usual.

It may or may not be a coincidence that Harris campaign officials tell the Washington Post’s Matt Viser they’re seeing high turnout among Puerto Rican voters in the city. Actually it probably isn’t a coincidence that the reporting among an ethnic group that his campaign managed to insult and piss off last week is leading Trump to freak out and make empty threats of “Law enforcement” coming.

And a Philadelphia Police source tells CNN they have no idea what the hell Trump’s talking about.

Tú, disfrutando de una buena Crunchy Wrap Tejana, con un Crush Burrito, unas papas bien delis y tu agüita bien fría.

No lo se, piénsalo. pic.twitter.com/9dYShswfX7

— Taco Bell Guatemala (@TacoBellGuate) November 5, 2024

Huh… Why is it “Taco Martes” and not just “Taco Tuesday”? Like there’s already an English word in the name of the not-really authentic Mexican fast food chain. They don’t call it “Taco Campana” in Guatemala or Mexico or whatever other predominantly Spanish-speaking countries in which it operates, so clearly they’re not afraid of associating with the American origins of the brand. Which leads us to question why “Taco Tuesday” was too much of stretch for the marketing of the weekly celebration of “La Campana’s” namesake staple. And don’t even get us started on why it’s “Taco Martes” and they couldn’t even put an actual goddamned taco in the image but instead went with a Crunchwrap and a burrito. Might as well have added a few ketchup packets next to the fries too.

“An Ann Arbor, Michigan, man was charged in a federal criminal complaint today with sending a threatening communication, announced United States Attorney Dawn N Ison. Ison was joined in the announcement by Cheyvoryea Gibson, Special Agent in Charge, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Detroit Field Division. Charged was Isaac Sissel, 25, who is currently staying in Ann Arbor.”

“According to court records, on Nov 2, 2024, the FBI National Threat Operations Center in West Virginia received an anonymous online threatening submission. The threat read in part: ‘I shall carry out an attack against conservative christan, (sic) filth in the event trump wins the election. I have a stolen ar15 and a target I refuse to name so I can continue to get away with my plans. Without a specific victim or ability to find the place I hid the gun, there’s not a thing the FBI can do until I complete the attack.’ Sissel was arrested by the FBI this morning and will be making an appearance in federal court this afternoon,” says an Eastern District of Michigan press release.

Allies and advisers of convicted felon former President Trump are telling him he’s got nothing to lose by prematurely claiming victory on Tuesday night and he should do it if he’s got any 100,000+ vote lead in Pennsylvania even if the count is far from over, sources tell the Guardian. Others however, Steve Bannon included, have warned that it’ll make him look foolish if the race is closer than that.

All of it hinges on whether Trump travels from his private Mar-a-Lago watch party to a larger one for his campaign at the Palm Beach convention center, a situation which the paper’s Trump beat guy Hugo Lowell describes as fluid. “Trump’s aides have suggested if he does decide to announce himself as the winner, he will motorcade over from Mar-a-Lago, and if not, he might not make an appearance at all,” writes Lowell about how the night could go for the Orange God Emperor.

In other “Trumpworld” reporting, Puck’s Tara Palmeri on announced on the Tuesday edition of her podcast that she will not be reporting for Amazon Prime’s inaugural news broadcast from Mar-a-Lago as billed because her credentials have been yanked due to her pissing off one too many Trump minions with a recent story. Probably the one about them panicking over newly registered female turnout in Pennsylvania if we had to guess. The Washington Post meanwhile on Tuesday printed a valedictory for the fat fuck’s final (?) campaign on Tuesday, writing that Donald has lately “evinced some private doubt, especially compared with some of his advisers and allies. While his team has frequently predicted victory – citing internal polls, large crowds and what they say is an enthusiasm gap for Harris among key demographic groups – Trump has at times asked guarded questions, even after being shown polling that has him winning,” with Trump reacting by asking his sycophants “Why isn’t the national media saying we are going to win?” Unmentioned is that most if not all of that polling is complete horseshit concocted by right wing operations specifically to skew the averages.

Alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani cleared out his Manhattan condo last Thursday morning. Well all the valuable stuff, the New York Times reports on what workers sent by former Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss found at the place when they came to collect his valuable possessions to satisfy the $148 million defamation judgment a federal jury awarded them.

In the condo were “rugs, a dining table, a few small pieces of furniture and inexpensive wall art,” per the Times while the “art, furniture and sports memorabilia” that was supposed to go to the mother-daughter duo were not. Rudy also fucked off on completing the paperwork necessary to hand the condo over to them, the workers told a judge on Monday. Even better, a Reuters photographer took a pic of the drunken former mayor in a Mercedes convertible outside of the Palm Beach, Florida polling station as convicted felon former President Trump voted on Tuesday morning. The convertible was already supposed to be signed over to Moss and Freeman to satisfy the judgment.

The leader of the Trump-supporting evangelical advocacy group My Faith Votes was arrested for having more than one hundred explicit sexual images of children under the age of 14, including some as young as eight or nine years old, the Religious News Service reports.

Fifty-five-year-old Minnesotan Jason Yates was arrested after a relative using his computer found scores of photos and videos showing children being raped.  A vocal “christian” advocate, Yates published an op-ed in the Washington Times last July in which he warned perverted LGBTQ people would come “for the children.”

“We thought there could be a cultural truce, where at least we would be allowed to teach our families and our congregations in accordance with timeless values. Live and let live. So, we surrendered the public square. We retreated to the church pew and the living room couch.  And something filled the vacuum. It is a religion without a god, a superstition without tradition.  And it has come for our children.”

Turnout is mixed and not where we want it to be. We need more people to vote. We can't let turnout flatline.

Text everyone you know.

Make more noise.

We need more.

— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) November 5, 2024

“Our officers just arrested a man who was stopped during our screening process at the Capitol Visitor Center (CVC). The man smelled like fuel, had a torch and a flare gun. The CVC is closed for tours for the day, while we investigate. We will provide more information when we can,” said the US Capitol Police in a statement and this day just keeps getting better and better if you love chaos.

House Republicans tell CBS’s Robert Costa they’re “privately preparing to possibly contest the election in Congress, to block the certification,” should their Holy Orange Messiah, convicted felon former President Trump lose which is about as “no shit” of a story we can get right now.

Speaking to reporters after he and his former illegal immigrant wife voted in Palm Beach, Florida on Tuesday, convicted felon former President Trump refused an easy opportunity to tell his fans not to injure or kill anyone should he lose the election, among other stupid shit like complaining about Oprah Winfrey and snapping at another reporter for asking him about Florida’s abortion referendum.

Several polling stations in Fulton County, Georgia were forced to close Tuesday in response to MAGA terrorist threats, WABE’s Sam Gringlas reports. Officials are seeking a court order to be permitted to keep them open later past closing time.

The Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday tossed Missouri and Arkansas’s moronic lawsuit against the Biden Administration over the 2021 executive order simply stipulating “the head of each agency shall evaluate ways in which the agency can, as appropriate and consistent with applicable law, promote voter registration and voter participation,” with the two economically depressed Red States claiming it was some sort of election rigging scam or whatever their fucking grievance was.

It’s not like there was ever a stay in place at the district level but the appellate defeat is still fun too see on election day. The horse is not just out of the barn but far over the horizon now.

Nobody should go to the Republican National Committee’s ProtectTheVote.com site and submit false reports of suspicious activity at polling precincts to confuse and annoy the shit out of their election integrity team. Don’t write a report of people in RFK Jr 2024 t-shirts handing out free donuts to people waiting in line at a voting site in Kenosha, Wisconsin because that would be a waste of their precious resources. They only have so many lawyers on the squad in the state.

Even worse would be if you told the RNC you witnessed people in QAnon t-shirts informing voters outside of a suburban Maricopa County, Arizona polling station that President Trump was friends with Jeffrey Epstein – and showing them photographic evidence of that friendship – which means he’s a traitor the cause of protecting underage children from sex trafficking. It would be a really shitty thing to do if you falsely reported that a UAW member was telling voters in Macomb County, Michigan that Elon Musk is anti-labor and won’t allow Tesla autoworkers to form a union.

Please just leave the RNC’s election integrity team alone. They’ve got enough on their plate today.

“The FBI was made aware of two instances of its name and insignia being misused in promoting false narratives surrounding the election. The first is a fabricated news clip purporting to be a terrorist warning issued by the FBI. The fabricated news clip reports falsely that the FBI purportedly stated that Americans should ‘vote remotely’ due to a high terror threat at polling stations. This video is not authentic and does not accurately represent the current threat posture or polling location safety. Additionally, a fabricated video containing a fabricated FBI press release alleges that the management of five prisons in Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Arizona rigged inmate voting and colluded with a political party. This video is also not authentic, and its contents are false.”

“Election integrity is among our highest priorities, and the FBI is working closely with state and local law enforcement partners to respond to election threats and protect our communities as Americans exercise their right to vote. Attempts to deceive the public with false content about FBI threat assessments and activities aim to undermine our democratic process and erode trust in the electoral system,” says the real FBI in a statement on more Russian-MAGA fuckery afoot on Election Day.

If you’re on the Twitters like us on this Election Day, you’re going to see quite a lot of just utterly insane, subatomic-level nonsense that some idiot such as Fox News media assclown Joe Concha thinks is a tea leaf. Like forget that this is a flip of a territorial legislature in a remote part of the Pacific Ocean by however many seats… and holy shit why are we even wasting time on this?

The real point was that the dumbassery of the MAGA hopium this dickhead is huffing from essentially the most insane and inconsequential source imaginable while still within the two-party system of US elections – in a place where neither Kamala Harris or Donald Trump are on the ballot – is compounded by the fact that he’s citing an exit poll. That’s what we want to say: Exit polls are going to be completely meaningless today. You can and absolutely should ignore them. For us, unless there’s some interesting or surprising finding – for example an opinion with no direct bearing on the result whatsoever, like “Is Trump mentally unfit for office?” – we’re going to be ignoring them too. The real purpose of exit polling is for data compiled months after the election, like Pew and AP VoteCast reports that’ll probably drop in January and probably won’t be aggregating data from fucking Guam (no disrespect to the fine folks living and voting there intended).

“An indictment was unsealed charging Nathaniel James Holmes, 51, of Jacksonville, Florida, with four counts of transmitting interstate threats to injury other persons. If convicted on all counts, Holmes faces a maximum penalty of 20 years in federal prison. According to the indictment, on four dates in October, Holmes transmitted threats to injure others, including threats to kill three particular victims, the children of one victim, and Jewish and African American individuals generally. A federal grand jury charged Holmes in a sealed indictment on Oct 24. He was arrested on Nov 1, made his initial appearance in court, and ordered detained pending a competency evaluation,” says a Justice Department press release on the charges against registered Republican Nathaniel Holmes.

Outspoken Trump supporting billionaire oligarch Bernard Marcus, founder of overrated big box hardware chain Home Depot, has died at the age of 95, the Post Millennial reports on a tragic end for a faithful follower of the Orange Jesus, whose mortal coil failed before he could witness Donald’s prophesied political resurrection. May Bernie forever wash dishes and silverware in the kitchens of Valhalla while the virtuous and victorious dead get drunk and feast in an eternal celebration.

Video obtained by ProPublica of a Republican National Committee “election integrity specialist” running a poll watcher training session via Zoom last week and published Monday completely undermines a key element of the party’s political messaging. This moron really fucked up.

The major snafu happened when a Pennsylvania poll watcher trainee asked the RNC official, Joe Neild, this question: “How do you know if they are illegal aliens or not, like, when they’re voting, as far as what you were explaining with the ID? And if they’re from another country it was OK as long as they had an ID. How do you know if they’re illegal aliens? How can you stop that?”

Neild’s response: “Well, if they’re illegal aliens, they’re not going to be inside the poll book. Because if they’re illegal aliens, they’re not going to be able to register to vote, because they’ll need a driver’s license number or a Social Security number. And since the recent litigation in the years past, you do have — to be able to get a driver’s license here in Pennsylvania, you have to show proof of citizenship. So that is one way that they will not be able to get a driver’s license. And then you have to be – since they’re illegal, they’re not going to be able to get a Social Security number either.”