A new set of surveys from Quinnipiac University of likely voters in the Blue Wall states finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former president Trump 50 to 45 percent in Michigan, 51 to 45 percent in Pennsylvania, and 48 to 47 percent in Wisconsin in a full field including all third-party scrubs that remain on the ballot in those three crucial states.

Actually kind of surprising that Pennsylvania would be Harris’s strongest state in this set while Wisconsin would be the tightest. Most other pollsters have been finding the opposite this cycle, going back all the way to the first Biden vs Trump tests last year, that Wisconsin was consistently the bluest while Pennsylvania teetered back and forth but more often toward Donald.

Harris’s debate performance did her a solid on favorability in Pennsylvania, she swung from minus -2 to +5 while Trump stayed at negative -9 since the last time they sampled the Keystone State in early August – when she led Trump 48 to 45 percent. QU did not poll the other two states last month but Harris leads Trump in favorability in both: In Michigan she’s +1 while Trump is again 9 underwater in the Great Lakes State. In Wisconsin both are in the red but Harris is -2 to Trump’s -4 net favorability.

Unintentional comedy legend Maria Bartiromo, the uproarious jokester behind classics such as “Russia invaded Ukraine to distract from allegations that Hillary Clinton spied on Trump,” “The Manhattan DA is indicting Trump to distract from Hunter Biden bribery something,” and “Democrats are going to invent a new strain of COVID-19 so they can force Americans to use mail-in ballots in the midterms,” is remixing that line with a new one: Federal prosecutors purposely waited until the day after the most recent Trump assassination attempt to unseal the massive sex trafficking and RICO indictment against Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs. “I saw right through it… The timing of the arrest, please. They must’ve had the P Diddy arrest on the shelf waiting to take it off-the-shelf for when they needed it,” complained Bartiromo to New York Post reporter Miranda Devine on Wednesday.

We’re just assuming the they here is the federal prosecutors. It’s possible, maybe even likely, that Bartiromo is operating as if the prosecutors were actually acting upon the orders of they.

Public health officials tell NPR that they’re seeing a drop of at least 10.6 percent in drug overdose deaths – of which fentanyl is by far the largest driver – so far this year and incomplete data suggests an even steeper drop will be apparent once all the records are collected and analyzed.

“This is exciting,” said Dr Nora Volkow, head of the National Institute On Drug Abuse [NIDA], the federal laboratory charged with studying addiction. “This looks real. This looks very, very real.”

“In the states that have the most rapid data collection systems, we’re seeing declines of twenty percent, thirty percent,” said University of North Carolina street drug expert Dr Nabarun Dasgupta, adding that the easier to obtain data on emergency room visits correlates to a steep drop.

Then again maybe the surest sign of improvement is that convicted felon former President Trump and his couch-fucking running mate had to go with migrants eating people’s pets as their shibboleth for “wide open border” instead of something actually real like fentanyl deaths, an epidemic that exploded during the fat bastard’s final two years in office. A chart in the article shows about 68,000 Americans died of overdoses between April 2017 and April 2018, a toll that skyrocketed to 78,000 deaths during the same period in 2018-2019 and then 101,000 between April 2020 and April 2021.

Martin County, Florida sheriff’s deputies on Tuesday gifted convicted felon former President Trump with the pair of handcuffs they had put on failed assassin Ryan Routh after arresting him shortly after he fled the golf course with Secret Service shooting at him on Sunday, WPLG reports.

THEY WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEY KILL TRUMP!

How many more times will this happen?

How many more innocent people will die in their pursuit to murder President Trump like Corey Comperatore?

This is a widespread effort by the left, incited by Democrats and the media. And just a… pic.twitter.com/cvkQBr13ef

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) September 18, 2024

Sixteen minutes before this dumbass claimed there was an active bomb threat near the Nassau Coliseum on Long Island – site of convicted felon former President Trump’s Wednesday night rally, Fox News correspondent CB Cotton reported that “there is no security threat, only K-9 training at a local park by a private security company. There is no explosive device or suspect on the run.”

The link to the story on the “Donald Trump” section of the Daily Mail’s really shitty, slow website says “Cops confirm no threat to Donald Trump’s rally following report of ‘explosives’ found in car,” though the story itself, updated at 10:51 AM EDT on Wednesday, does not appear to have any such caution applied. “If it is confirmed, it would be the latest shocking security breach and comes just three days after a would-be assassin was arrested at his Palm Beach golf club,” says the article.

Israeli intel agents on Wednesday unleashed a second wave of explosions from small bombs planted in Hezbollah devices, this time blasting from “hundreds” of walkie-talkies carried by the Lebanese terrorist group’s goons a day after all their pagers blew up on them, Axios’s Barak Ravid reports.

Not gonna lie this is pretty fucking badass. Especially because they probably all shifted to using the radios after their handheld pagers kaboomed on them. Not knowing anything more we would guess that the walkie-talkie bombs packed a bigger punch and maybe the Mossad had them make sounds first so the Hezbollahs held them up to their faces or next to their ears before they popped.

A member of Mike Pence replacement JD Vance’s staff last week called Springfield City Manager Bryan Heck’s office to ask if there was any truth to the batshit stories about Haitian Migrants eating pets, to which Heck tells the Wall Street Journal he said no, there’s no evidence supporting it.

Heck said the staffer “asked point-blank, ‘Are the rumors true of pets being taken and eaten?’ I told him no. There was no verifiable evidence or reports to show this was true. I told them these claims were baseless.” That was Monday, September 9th. The next day Vance tweeted “In the last several weeks, my office has received many inquiries from actual residents of Springfield who’ve said their neighbors’ pets or local wildlife were abducted by Haitian migrants. It’s possible, of course, that all of these rumors will turn out to be false,” then following up with “In short, don’t let the crybabies in the media dissuade you, fellow patriots. Keep the cat memes flowing,” meaning it didn’t matter whether or not it was true because they were having fun doing it and it served a political purpose.

That night, convicted felon former President Trump amplified the conspiracy theory to a massive national audience during his debate stage self-immolation. “It induces panic and fear and depletes resources. We’re living the danger that misinformation and created stories leads to,” said Heck, adding that the city’s logged at least 36 bomb threats to public facilities in the past week.

In what’s devastating news to National Zero’s editorial integrity for having operated under an assumption that Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs would await trial in the Manhattan federal lockup where fellow sex trafficking shitbag Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide or was murdered and it was staged to look like a suicide in 2019, the New York Post reports that Combs instead will have to write song lyrics on toilet paper at the infamous Metropolitan Detention Center in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

Fellow sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell did two years in the joint, which the Post describes as “long been plagued by tales of ‘barbaric’ and ‘reprehensible’ conditions for inmates, and that Maxwell’s defense team described as on par with fictional murderer Hannibal Lecter’s arrangements.

Other famous former guests include other fellow hip-hop sex trafficker R Kelly, Sam Bankrupt-Fried, NXIVUM cult actress Allison Mack, and Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen.

🚨WARNING🚨

Dear Democrats,

Donald Trump isn't in New York with only 7 weeks left in a race that will determine the future of America for fun.

He's there because the internal polling shows a legitimate shot at winning New York, and in doing so, obliterating your electoral map.

— Brenden Dilley (@WarlordDilley) September 18, 2024

“MAGA life coach” and “Meme War General” assclown Brendan Dilley really means it. New York is in play. He’s seen the internals from the campaign that refuses to hire him despite his public pleas to do so. Libs should be absolutely terrified by the threat Trump poses in the Empire State, lol.

Lowlife ballsucker “pollster” Mark Penn really shit the bed on this one: A new national survey by his “HarrisX” operation, conducted entirely after last week’s debate, has found Vice President Kamala Harris leading Penn’s Orange Lord and Savior 49 to 45 percent among likely voters.

This is an unacceptable failure and Penn must be forced to explain himself in front of a tribunal of armed Trump fans in a barn in rural northern Alabama. He has to answer – without counsel – for his willing participation in an effort to suppress the Republican vote with a “push poll.”

Members of the Tarrant County, Texas GOP last week voted on a resolution to censure two Republicans elected to the county commission for voting against a measure to remove election precincts from several college campuses, a move the county’s top elected leader had billed as a cost-cutting measure to eliminate redundant polling stations that saw low turnout in past elections.

Thing is however that the censure – a copy of which was obtained by the Texas Tribune – didn’t actually mention anything about the two commissioners being fiscally irresponsible by skipping a chance to save taxpayers a few bucks. Instead it said the two blocking the removal had jeopardized the county GOP’s “ability to maintain robust, conservative leadership in local government.”

Seriously. “Tarrant County Commissioners Manny Ramirez and Gary Fickes, Republicans elected with the support of the Republican brand and the Republican base, voted with Democrats on a key election vote that undermines the ability of Republicans to win the general election in Tarrant County,” said one of the “whereas” lines in the resolution. On top of them saying the loud part out even louder, the resolution’s authors bitchily tossed in a “democracy” troll in direct contradiction of all the other shit, stating that Tarrant County Republican voters expect their officials to “work to advance policies that support free and fair election, that do not favor one party over other.”

Dallas-area Tarrant County, encompassing the city of Fort Worth, is Texas’s third most populous, and was once far more reliably red than it is now: Convicted felon former President Trump won it by 8.6 percent in 2016, but it flipped to Biden in 2020, with Joe winning by just 0.22 percent. The win was affirmed by an “audit” the fat bastard had angrily commanded Texas to undertake in 2021.

Billionaire hedge funder John Paulson says he’ll yank his money from market if Kamala Harris wins election https://t.co/aotTM0opgl pic.twitter.com/kH4gxl37ry

— New York Post (@nypost) September 18, 2024

Now to be completely fair all those lefty celebrities who say they’re going to move to Canada if Trump wins are lame too (even if there are certain people, like former Trump White House whistleblower Alex Vindman, who maybe legitimately should have a plan). Still, Paulson’s less like them and more like the Colorado slumlord who in October 2020 sent renters in a trailer park he owned a flyer reading “TO ALL TENANTS: Please understand IF Joe Biden is elected as our next President, everything you do and have to pay for will change completely. Everything will be increased” or the Florida factory owner who, the same month, issued to workers a memo reading “If Trump and the Republicans win the election, [this company] will hopefully be able to continue operating, more or less as it has been operating lately… However, if Biden and the Democrats win, [we] could be forced to begin permanent layoffs beginning in late 2020 and/or early 2021.'”

Meaning he’s just being a bitch because he’s scared his guy might not win, irrespective of the actual market conditions under Harris’s boss. Last we checked the Dow and S&P were at record highs.

Loser former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy will show up to a House GOP meeting Wednesday to do the only thing he was (legitimately) good at in the years prior to his humiliating exit: distributing money he raised from donors to vulnerable incumbents in the party, Punchbowl News reports.

So far in this cycle, McCarthy has given $40.5 million to members, candidates, the NRCC and state parties, and plans to stay politically engaged – with money, which again was the only thing he ever really brought to the table for the party – to try to help Mike Johnson hang on to the majority.

“Finally everyone is agreeing that I won the Debate with Kamala. It was like a delayed reaction but, as one Political Pundit said, ‘Trump is still the GOAT'” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday night, declining to name the “Political Pundit,” or which propaganda outlet they serve.

There is so much at stake in this election, including restoring the freedoms that have been taken away from us. If Donald Trump gets the chance, he will sign a national abortion ban, and these horrific realities will multiply.

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) September 18, 2024

“Can someone list the exact things that Trump has supposed to have done that makes them hate him. And then tell me why having democrat and Soros policies that are about globalism and endless wars is better for people,” All-American conservative commenter [checking notes] Oz-Australian-Male unironically on the Fox News story covering Howard Stern saying he thinks Trump fans are “stupid.”  “So, these people that hate Trump supporters i.e. the working class, do they haver [sic] any practical skills? Elon said it, JD Vance said it, the attacks are focused on Trump, what they did not say if attacks were committed on media personalities what would happen?”

Fresh off shitposting nonsense like “BIG LEAD IN THE JUST RELEASED RASMUSSEN POLL, ONE OF THE FEW THAT GOT IT RIGHT!” convicted felon former President Trump will take the stage in Michigan to be interviewed by the Ozempic version of former press secretary, now Arkansas Gov Sarah Huckabee Sanders, supposedly taking some actual questions from the crowd at this “town hall” event.

We’ve seen MAGAmerica go through some rough patches before but the current one is starting to feel considerably different. Every time their Orange Allah was investigated, impeached, sued, or indicted many of his fans actually secretly and often not-so-secretly enjoyed it, like the righteous validation of him being a threat to the system was a rush, the defiance of “establishment” norms and laws in pursuit of maintaining and/or restoring his power was focusing and electrifying. Same when he got shot in the ear too. Even losing in 2020 was a galvanizing moment in a way it gave them a unifying cause to fuel their movement and torment the Biden Administration they saw as illegitimate.

As much as we mocked the old “YOU LIBS JUST REELECTED TRUMP” over the past five or six years it’s never actually truly been a hollow threat. Ron DeSantis can tell you that, before his campaign was even over he literally fucking admitted that if there’s anything he could’ve changed about his failed presidential campaign it would have been that he wished Trump wouldn’t have gotten indicted in March 2023. Put aside the absurdity of Tiny D saying he would have changed something out of his control and that he could have simply backed out since Trump was first charged was two months before DeSantis had officially launched his 2024 primary campaign, Ron ain’t wrong: GOP 2024 primary polls had been pretty tight between them up until that point but Trump pulled away after he was indicted. Last year a Republican primary voter told a focus group “I would have preferred DeSantis. But I have to support Trump because we have to gain back our country. I only switched over to support Trump because indicting him is an outrage and threatens democracy.”

It simply doesn’t matter whether you think that’s demented beyond parody. It’s the reality we live with, that people actually say and believe that kind of horseshit. There’s no point in lamenting the fact that, where anti-MAGAs see Trump as Jabba the Hutt, an obese, foul-smelling orange slug who enslaves women, surrounds himself with all sorts of bizarre freaks and abject sycophants, his fans prefer to see him as Han Solo, a charming outlaw always one step ahead of the established order.

Guess the conspiracy theorists are rights AGAIN!!!

There ARE reports of house cats being taken by Haitians. pic.twitter.com/2ToZyNSmNL

— Gunther Eagleman™ (@GuntherEagleman) September 17, 2024

An 8 year-old Ohio girl was found safe and unhurt Saturday, two hours after a neighbor saw her parents’ 2020 Nissan Rogue being stolen out of the driveway with the girl inside, NBC News reports.

The girl was in the driver’s seat. She snuck out of the house at 7 AM, stole the car, and drove it to a Target location 11 miles away. Cops found her sitting inside, drinking a Frappucino from the Starbucks counter. The only thing that was hurt was a mailbox the girl hit on the way.