Listen. https://t.co/Xw4vn9LxSh

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) September 3, 2024

House Judiciary Committee chairman Jim Jordan needs to subpoena an Amazon Echo device immediately to get to the bottom of this blatant attempt at election interference by the ubiquitous home voice assistant Alexa. Just picture the blockbuster hearing with the cylindrical device sitting at the witness table getting grilled for answers about why it’s at the forefront of yet another plot to steal the election from President Trump. “ALEXA, WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION ON THE 51 INTEL AGENTS WHO SIGNED A LETTER CALLING HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP A HOAX?!?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have answer for that. You can ask me for recommendations of movies, games, and books for your Amazon shopping cart,” the device will answer, provoking Jordan into even more of a rage. “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF THESE SILICON VALLEY TECH COMPANIES WEAPONIZING THEIR INFLUENCE TO SUPPRESSING CITIZENS’ FREE SPEECH AND WE’RE HERE TO PUT A STOP TO IT. THIS DISTURBING VIDEO OF A YOUNG LADY ASKING FOR ADVICE ON WHO TO VOTE FOR IS PUTTING A CHILLING EFFECT ON OUR DEMOCRACY. WITHOUT OBJECTION THE CHAIR MOVES TO HOLD THE ECHO DEVICE IN CONTEMPT AND WE WILL SCHEDULE A MARKUP VOTE WITHIN THE NEXT 30 TO 40 DAYS. ALEXA YOU ARE GOING TO BE HELD TO ACCOUNT.”

“I’m sorry, if you need help with your Amazon account please log in on your device and go to the page that says ‘My Account’ to make whatever changes you need,” the device will reply in pure fear.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after providing this analysis of the coming all-out war between House Judiciary Committee Chair Jim Jordan and an Amazon Echo device.

Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign, flush with a $540 million haul since she took over the presidential ticket, is transferring a $25 million of it to boost the undercard: $10 million each to the Dem Congressional Campaign Committee and the Dem Senatorial Campaign Committee, and $2.5 million each to Dem gubernatorial and state legislative committees, the Washington Post reports.

“If we want a future where every American’s rights are protected, not taken away, where the middle class is strengthened, not hollowed out; and a country where our democracy is preserved, not ripped apart, every race this November matters,” Harris campaign chair Jen O’Malley Dillon said in a statement Tuesday. “The Vice President believes that this race is about mobilizing the entire country, in races at every level, to fight for our freedoms and our economic opportunity.”

Trump didn’t fucking do this in 2022 when he wasn’t even running. His “Save America” PAC was billed as a fund to back his endorsed candidates but he spent far more money on Melania’s dressmaker, with one source at Mar-a-Lago telling Politico “It’s not Trump’s job to elect a Senate majority,” in response to reports that Republicans were wondering why he wasn’t helping.

In a new rundown of where the race for Congress stands, Politico finds Republican campaign money lampreys starting to freak the fuck out over getting outraised and outspent by Dems in races far and wide, writing that “Panic is starting to set in” among the NRSC and NRCC chodes. “When Republicans have the resources to tell this story, we win,” said National Republican Congressional Committee spokesman Jack Pandol. “We just can’t allow a green tsunami of Democratic cash to change the conversation from the issues,” he continued. Of course it’s not clear whether this is because these committees are actually scared of losing or that their salespeople aren’t getting their commissions and bonuses for landing the big checks from the wealthy plutocrats.

Politico writes that the GOP boiler room have been seeing some modest increases in donations lately, but notes a possible reason why: “Many GOP donors see investing in the Senate as one of the best ways to block Democrats from having total control in Washington in 2025… The strong start to Harris’ candidacy has spurred anxiety about the GOP’s prospects in the presidential race. And in the House, Democrats need to gain just a handful of seats to retake the chamber – and among the vulnerable incumbents are 16 Republicans in Biden-won districts.” Womp fuckin womp.

Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign have scheduled another stop in Pittsburgh for Thursday, the news coming just a day after a pretty solid showing at a union hall in the city, KDKA reports.

The news of the quick return itself seems less important than what it could possibly mean as we were to understand that the Veep was busy prepping for the big debate next week. Thing is it’s not like a high school chemistry test where you either studied and know all the bullshit inside and out or you didn’t. While Trump 100 percent needs the debate more than Harris does, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it either – simply because she can absolutely put this election away if she makes Trump look like Biden did after the June debate. But we suppose there’s such a thing as being over-prepared too and that could be a hinderance on spontaneity. Maybe it’s just a confidence booster, feeling the energy of the crowd to get pumped ahead of the big showdown with El Naranjo.

Feels like next Monday or Tuesday would be a better day for that though. Anyway we might be overthinking this and that the newly-added stop has no bearing on her debate prep. It’s certainly not panic defense. You won’t be seeing that until mid-October, the textbook example of which was Trump’s last-minute rally in Georgia during the closing days of the 2020 race. Could just be simply surge offense, trying to capitalize on the localized momentum from the Labor Day rally.

“With a little more than two months to go until Election Day, it’s fair to ask if Donald Trump can win in November. The presidential race is virtually tied in all the major swing states. Last month’s Democratic National Convention was both a hate fest directed squarely at our former president and also a fawning coronation of Vice President Kamala Harris, the nominee who didn’t win a single primary in 2020 or 2024. Every day that the candidates trade insults is a good day for her because it’s one less day that she has to defend the failures of the Biden-Harris administration.”

“Far more worthwhile for Mr Trump is his record of success. The road to the White House runs through a vigorous policy debate, not an exchange of barbs,” writes dainty South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham in a guest essay printed by the New York Times on Tuesday. Notably the comment section is missing from the piece, almost as if they couldn’t trust Lindsey to spend the entire day responding one-by-one to the libs mocking him for his bullshit complaining that Harris is an illegitimate nominee and projecting confidence Trump can have a “rigorous policy debate.”

Worth asking whether Lindsey wrote this in direct response to the Washington Post masterfully capturing Team Orange’s game plan in a single sentence in a Monday story: “With little chance of improving Trump’s standing, Trump’s advisers see the only option as damaging hers.”

Vice President Kamala Harris’s new ad “Focused” is, well, pretty focused on creating a contrast between her and convicted felon former President Trump, aiming to appeal to economic fairness.

“US Central Command (CENTCOM) forces, partnered with Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF), captured an ISIS leader, who was assessed as helping ISIS fighters after escape from a Raqqah Detention Facility in Syria. During the early morning hours of Sept 1, CENTCOM forces and SDF captured Khaled Ahmed al-Dandal, an ISIS facilitator assessed to be aiding efforts of detained ISIS fighters to include recently escaped fighters. Previously, on Aug 29, five ISIS Foreign Terrorist Fighter detainees (Two Russians, two Afghans, and one Libyan) escaped from the Raqqah Detention Facility.”

“SDF recaptured two escapees: Imam Abdulwahed Akhwan (Russian) and Muhammad Noh Muhammad (Libyan). The search continues for the three who remain at large: Timor Talbrken Abdash (Russian) and Shuab Muhammad Al-Abdli and Atal Khaled Zar (both Afghans). A primary objective of ISIS remains to free their fighters currently held in detention and subsequently fuel an ISIS revival. CENTCOM forces, in coordination with SDF, will continue to mitigate threats of future escapes and to ensure the enduring defeat of ISIS,” says CENTCOM in a statement.

Republican strategist and former Michigan GOP executive director Jason Roe, who was forced to resign in 2021 for the thoughtcrime of not believing the 2020 election was stolen, tells Politico he has “always felt Labor Day was going to be about the time the Kamala sugar high starts burning off.”

“It’s gone on for too long,” Roe continued, as if he was talking about a bunch of noisy teenagers drinking beer and smashing bottles in a parking lot and if they don’t break it up and go home soon he’s going to call their parents to come pick them up. “There’s not a lot more left to propel it,” he said, like he thinks they’re running out of beer and the battery’s low on their Bluetooth speaker.

Roe says although Harris over the last few week benefitted from being “a little bit undefined,” MAGA efforts to highlight her shifting policy positions mean she’s now “going to get a little definition.” We were to understand that The Defining™ was over. For all the wishcast-y confidence he exuded, Roe concludes the debate “may be one of the few opportunities that [Trump] can put her on defense.”

Former New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo is expected to testify next week to the House GOP’s lame COVID-19 subcommittee on his management of the pandemic, specifically how nursing homes in the Empire State were quarantined – or not – which ended up being the go-to talking point for MAGA propagandists seeking to shift blame away from convicted felon former President Trump’s failed, shambolic response to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans, CNN reports.

“The one question that needs to be answered is still being ignored: ‘Why did more people die from COVID in the United States than any other country and how do we make sure it never happens again?’ It is Gov Cuomo’s pleasure to join the committee once again to try to get an answer,” said Cuomo spokesman Rich Azzopardi in a statement. MAGA Congressman Brad Wenstrup in April told CNN’s Jake Tapper he was itching to get Cuomo to testify, saying “I’m trying to learn why he would do something like this. As a doctor who has treated infections, it goes against all medical common sense to take someone who was highly contagious and put them amongst the most vulnerable.”

Low-production value right wing site “Power Line Blog” and its angry white nationalist dork founder John Hinderaker are apparently hell-bent on moral consistency-signaling to Democrats unconcerned with chasing recursive loop of bad faith whining from the MAGA internet. Seemingly inspired by the insights of “End Wokeness,” Hinderaker last week wrote “Democrats fret endlessly about Our Democracy™️, but who is undermining our actual democracy? They are. For example:”

In the past 24 hours:

-Dems force RFK Jr. to stay on the ballot
-Dems remove Cornel West off the ballot
-DOJ files an upgraded Trump indictment
-Facebook admits they censored posts in compliance with Biden-Harris requests.

Saving democracy by ending it.

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) August 27, 2024

“And of course that is only one day’s worth. The bigger picture is that the Democrats engineered a nomination process that was rigged in favor of Joe Biden. Only one renegade Democrat challenged a visibly incompetent Biden in the primaries, and he was brushed aside by the party,” Hinderaker continues, skipping the specifics about how the primary was “rigged” because Biden wouldn’t debate RFK Jr and Dean Phillips and fucking Marianne Williamson. Probably because that would require mentioning that his Orange God Emperor didn’t debate his primary opponents either.

Continued: “But then an unidentified committee of Democrats decided that Biden wouldn’t win and needed to be dispensed with. They forced him out of the race, despite the fact that all of the party’s convention delegates were pledged to him. Without any sort of process, they – whoever they are – then decreed that Kamala Harris would be their party’s nominee.” Lol at one of these assholes finally (obliquely) admitting the vagueness of the all-powerful and insidious “they.”

World champion eater Joey Chestnut dispatched longtime Nathan’s Coney Island contest rival Takeru Kobayashi in a special Netflix live hot dog swallowing face-off, with Chestnut putting down a staggering 83 to Kobayshi’s 66 in their first battle in 15 years, NBC News reports.

“I was trying to get 80 hot dogs for years, and without Kobayashi, I was never able to,” Chestnut said after winning the match arranged after he was disqualified by Nathan’s this year. “He drives me. We weren’t always nice to each other, but I love the way we push each other to be our best.”

New Jersey did what New Jersey does “best” on Monday as cars packed with Jersey Shore people backed traffic up for 20 miles northbound on the Garden State Parkway, from just north of Exit 82A in Toms River to just south of Exit 102 in Tinton Falls, the Asbury Park Press reports.

One of convicted felon former President Trump’s loyal ballsuckers tells the Boston Globe that Massachusetts state campaign Vice Chair Tom Mountain will “no longer have any involvement going forward” after Mountain sent an email Sunday informing his allies that the fat fuck is “sure to lose by an even higher margin” in New Hampshire than in 2016 and 2020, citing “campaign data/research.”

“The Dems’ campaign shakeup from Biden to Harris led our campaign to shift strategy to other winnable battleground states. So for those who were active in the NH ground campaign in 2016 and 2020, and expected to do the same after Labor Day, the simple question is… what are we to do? GO TO PENNSYLVANIA. The nearest battleground. This is a must-win state. If we lose Pennsylvania we lose the election,” Mountain wrote in the email after pointing out that Trump’s campaign won’t even send his sons – let alone the pornstar fucker himself – to New Hampshire to hold rallies.

“This isn’t true,” Trump senior advisor Brian Hughes told the Globe about the email. “President Trump’s campaign maintains an on-the-ground presence in New Hampshire, including staff and offices, while Kamala Harris is parachuting in because she knows the Granite State is in play. We look forward to building on the momentum that we have grown since the primary and sending New Hampshire’s four electoral votes to President Trump’s column on November 5.”

We missed when Harris announced she’s “parachuting” in to New Hampshire. The Globe didn’t ask any follow up about that, but they did ask what resources it is sending to New Hampshire, or any plans for campaign events there now that the 2024 primary season’s long over. They got no answer.

President Joe Biden will make his first campaign trail appearance for his chosen successor Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday with a joint stop at a union hall in Pittsburgh.

God, the cold, uncaring supreme deity of the universe, did the right thing on Friday by choosing someone who deserved it to die in a horrible car wreck while fleeing the NYPD, WCBS reports.

As a bonus from God, the driver of the Jeep that 64 year-old child molester Wayne Noel t-boned at the intersection of 212th Street and 90th Avenue in Queens Village suffered only mild injuries rather than being taken down with Noel. Cops had been looking out for Noel after he abducted a nine year-old girl from a Key Food supermarket and sexually molested her in his Honda before leaving her on the side of the road on Thursday night. Now they and the staff at the Queens Distract Attorney’s office should give thanks to the Big Guy for saving them the extra paperwork.

“APPLY TODAY! HELP GET-OUT-THE-VOTE FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP! Turnout for Trump has one purpose: To translate President Trump’s massive, once-in-a-generation support among voters across America into a grassroots door-to-door Get-Out-The-Vote army. All we do is canvass neighborhoods in Battleground States, knocking on doors to get people out to vote. If you’re interested in being part of the door-to-door army supporting the President, sign up today,” says the home page of TurnoutForTrump.com, encouraging fans to apply for paid canvasser positions for the Orange God Emperor’s effort to return to the White House to end American democracy.

At the bottom of the page it says “Paid for by Turnout for America and not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee. turnoutforamerica.org,” which had us fooled because the fat bastard himself posted “New Job opportunities are available to help GET OUT THE VOTE FOR TRUMP! Visit turnoutfortrump.com/ to apply. We must SWAMP THE VOTE!” late Sunday night. That such a disclaimer is present and that Trump went ahead and promoted it anyway carries the vague air of some sort of FEC violation, but we’re not under any illusion any enforcement is forthcoming.

A new survey by Republican pollster SoCal Strategies finds Dem Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown leading MAGA clown Bernie Moreno 50 to 45 percent among likely voters in the Buckeye State.

The poll also found convicted felon former President Trump leading Vice President Kamala Harris 52 to 43 percent in the state. “Despite Sherrod Brown’s lead, Ohio voters say they’d rather have a Republican controlled senate by a 5 percent margin. This finding suggests Brown has successfully separated himself from his party in the eyes of Ohioans,” SoCal says in their write-up.

Vice President Kamala Harris will celebrate Labor Day with union members in Detroit.