See libs, we’ve already explained why you’re responsible for the Capitol riot and the seemingly unbridgeable political divide in the United States, but it seems more specifically you’re also responsible for QAnon driving millions of Americans into the pure madness of an internet cult.

The bottom line is that if you hadn’t spent four years making life so difficult for Trump by voting for Democrats who worked – often successfully – to thwart his agenda and leave him with next to zero real presidential accomplishments during his administration, his fans would not have felt the need to invent an alternate reality where he’s secretly fighting against a cabal of murderous Satanic pedophiles who communicate in code through product listings on Wayfair.com. They wouldn’t have come up with that shit if you had just shut up and not laughed at him for sharpie-ing a hurricane forecast map to make it look like he was right when he said Alabama might be in the storm’s path.

There’s almost no doubt whatsoever that book by pornstar Stormy Daniels which detailed Trump’s underwhelming sexual prowess during their encounter, describing his anatomy hilariously left his fans feeling powerless and in need of hope. You joked about it for months and fueled their desperation. So what if some anonymous psychopath manipulated them into a doomsday cult? You leftists pushed them to do it. These people love their country and believe in good government. Who are you to say that Reptilian ultra-terrestrials who live in their city built of pure black onyx in a massive, sulfuric cavern five miles underneath the Denver International airport and secretly control Hollywood and the news media aren’t a concern to hardworking, everyday Americans? Who the fuck are you to let your facts and reason and your fancy educations get in the way of progress being made in exposing that “truth”? Why can’t you just “Trust the plan”?

You need to learn to listen to these people. Hear them out. Start understanding why they think Tom Hanks was secretly executed in December and replaced with a hologram. You made Tom Hanks popular by watching his movies for four decades, so it’s on you to build a bridge to unity.

A good start would be to explain to them that Tom Hanks is the secret identity of Dr. Robert Langdon, world renowned crypto-archaeology expert whose real work in exposing the secret cabal that controls the world is detailed in the “fictional” book “The DaVinci Code” and its sequels. Robert Langdon plays himself as “Tom Hanks” in the documentary film adaptations.

Then when you’ve earned their trust, tell them that Joe Biden is actually Q.