So there’s this movie I watched on HBO Max but didn’t get to finish. It’s got this super powerful corporation that secretly built an underground hypersonic railway that goes from Sarasota, Florida to Hong Kong. It also built these anti-gravity shuttles that can fly down through a hole in Antarctica to the center of the Earth, which is technically a different planet because there’s a layer of atmosphere between the Inner Earth and the Outer Earth. There’s also daylight in this Inner Earth for some reason. The corporation also built a giant holographic dome that looks like an island in the Pacific. The dome is on that island in the Pacific for some reason I did not catch.

What does any of this have to do with Godzilla and King Kong? I don’t want to spoil it. Actually that’s a lie. I don’t want to explain it because it’s so fucking stupid. What I’d rather do is bitch and whine about Hollywood, and ask the question of what part of “two legendary movie monsters beat the shit out of each other” needed to have all this extra nonsense in it? I get the plot needs a setup and everything, but seriously, this movie sucks. The two Alien vs Predator movies, for all of their faults, were still pretty entertaining – and a crucial reason is they needed far less shitbrained implausibility to set up the apocalyptic battle between their set of iconic killing machines.

The worst part here is that the previous movies I’ve seen in this “Monsterverse” that led to this crossover were actually really solid. “Kong: Skull Island” is an A-minus from me (the only reason it’s not an A-plus is the director didn’t take enough art direction from Peter Jackson’s 2005 King Kong remake, which was spectacular). The 2014 Godzilla was great too from what I remember. I never watched all the way through “Godzilla: King of The Monsters”, but from what I didn’t tune out I guess I should’ve seen all this bullshit coming in “Godzilla vs. Kong”.

Sometimes Hollywood fucks up so badly I kind of root for QAnon. This is one of those times.