Dominion Voting Systems CEO John Poulos confirmed plans Thursday to exit the news business by abandoning National Zero and handing control of the site back to its co-editors, Jack and Spartan after plans for a pay-per-comment model were received poorly by readers.
“This is shit. Fucking Mike Lindell told us this site was worth billions and it was the opportunity for a new revenue stream for our company after he and his MAGA friends ruined all of our public contracts with election commissions nationwide” Poulos said in a conversation via quantum onyx orb with Terran Emperor Laza Von Rothschild VII. “We thought it would be a quicker way to raise the funds necessary to accelerate our takeover of the Templar Combine than Executor Soros’s usual assassinations and bombings, but it looks like we’ll have to slog it out in court with Lindell.”
“Do not fail me again” the nine-foot tall Laza VII responded tersely, his eyes glowing an bright orange yellow as he cut off the quantum communication feed to Poulos’s office. The 657 year-old tyrant then proceeded to pace restlessly around his obsidian redoubt 20 miles below Davos, Switzerland, increasingly worried that the internet sleuths of QAnon were coming ever closer to revealing him and his secret control over all global government, media, and religious authorities.