This depiction of an alternate universe where April Fool’s Day is actually April Tool’s Day and it’s in celebration of dudes who wear their Oakley sunglasses upside down on the back of their heads while drinking Corona Light or Heineken instead of jokes is in no chronological order whatsoever because that would take too much concentration to arrange properly.
They’re trying to cancel President Obama. No one’s safe. https://t.co/4BE9vtOomJ
— Rep. Jim Jordan (@Jim_Jordan) April 1, 2021
This would’ve had the usual trite “Jim Jordan wrestles…” headline because we like to needle that spandex-wearing freak for his latent homosexuality and overall shitbrained uselessness.
The DOJ needs to release the tapes instead of allowing another witch hunt to take place. https://t.co/0rb7mTykcb
— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) March 31, 2021
No explanation necessary.
This is my Covid protection 💪#MakeAmericaHealthyAgain
It’s time to #FireFauci pic.twitter.com/IgWlTJyBYQ
— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) April 1, 2021
The headline there would’ve probably mocked Greene’s infidelity with her personal trainer.
Review: Pillsbury – Lucky Charms Cookie Dough – https://t.co/khqGMC5mFT pic.twitter.com/Oc0qvohSvu
— Brand Eating (@BrandEating) April 1, 2021
Still probably going to get to that Lucky Charms one standalone, but not sure if it’s over-the-top gross or stupid enough. Could probably find something better.
https://twitter.com/marceelias/status/1377752717951655941
Marc Elias is a goddamned national treasure… Here’s a few more stories that I have the links to but not the Tweets in front of me right now.
• New GOP-led voting restrictions move forward in Texas
• Republicans seek DOJ briefing on claims of ‘suspicious’ pre-Jan. 6 Capitol tours
• Alabama yoga bill stalls after conservative groups object
• New poll shows GOP extremist Ron Johnson in very big trouble, losing re-election
• Capitol riot suspect charged with using ‘electroshock weapon’ to assault DC police officer
There’s plenty more that I missed in this list of shit that I missed. I’m sure they were fun articles on The Hill to comment on, but fuck The Hill. I just realized the one thing that’s universally true about that site is that pretty much no one who works or contributes there has any fun, ever, while they’re doing it. Everything is just dour misery and exhaustion at life.
We’re better, and happier.
Happy April Fools, NatZero.