As the 2022 Midterm primaries approach and Trump endorsements for key Republican races have dwindled down to just a few remaining open spots, at least five members of the Former Guy’s imperial court in exile are being paid contracts up to $10,000 per month to squeeze an endorsement from the Orange Allah, the Washington Post reports. Among the most fervid would-be endorsees are quack daytime TV doctor Mehmet Oz and amoral MAGA capitalist David McCormick, both of whom are locked in an apocalyptic battle to show themselves most worthy of being showered in the Holy One’s golden glory and the GOP nomination for Senate in Pennsylvania.

Separately, the Daily Beast reported that the Donald may just decline to endorse any candidate in the hotly contested Ohio Senate primary as he’s afraid of backing a loser in the race and thought the recent confrontation between frontrunners Josh Mandel and Mike Gibbons was embarrassing (even though it’s more or less the same kind of stupid shit he himself has done in debates).

Any endorsement that materializes going forward is contingent above all on a candidate’s ability to win, thereby preserving Trump’s influence over the GOP ahead of an expected comeback attempt in 2024. Many observers reacted to Wednesday’s undorsement of Mo Brooks in Alabama as being much more about Brooks’ shitty polling numbers relative to the two other candidates Mike Durant and Katie Britt than Brooks’ supposed heresy against Donald’s reinstatement fantasies, and that above all else Donald needs a perfect-ish record for GOP endorsements going into the Midterms.

Except he’s already failed. Putting aside the first-in-the-nation Texas primary earlier this month in which Trump grossly mischaracterized his “33-0” record, the Donald is 0 for 2 in the other 49 states before the first vote. Sean Parnell dropping out in Pennsylvania and Trump backing away from Mo Brooks for likely losing aren’t erased if he eventually picks the winner.