We’re thinking it’s probably a good time to bring back OMEGAnon, the government secret agent whose OMEGA DROPS electrified some of the leftist internet with its tales of President Biden secretly fighting against a worldwide cabal of Satan-worshipping Conservative beastialists who molest and sacrifice cats, dogs, bunnies, chickens, dolphins, and other cute animals.
This is probably because the real news is getting dull and depressing for left-leaning voters while the other guys build anger and momentum ahead of the midterms. While we’re proud of our President and his accomplishments so far, it’s hard to escape the feeling that more could’ve been done by this point. So to make ourselves feel better about our support for him, let’s pretend that he’s secretly giving us signals about a coming mass arrest of members of the Global Conservative elite for killing baby animals and drinking their blood in unholy rituals!
Come on! It’ll be fun! We can share made-up theories about the hidden messages in Biden’s latest speech, how the Mormon Space Lasers started the recent fires in Florida, and when exactly Paul Walker will come back and be appointed Attorney General to unleash the “Typhoon” of mass public executions of beastial sex deviants like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Ron Johnson. We’ll delve into spooky stories about Herman Cain’s assassination and how he was actually a secret “white hat” who was silenced before he could expose the secret Jared Kushner and China-backed plot to spread the MAGA virus bioweapon and leave millions of pet owners dead. He was a pizza company CEO after all. He knew what goes on those basements. That’s why he had to be knocked off.
Patriot
Whenever Biden or Vice President Harris fuck something up, we’ll say they’re just playing 12D bingo and any day now secret MAGA bestialist Joe Manchin’s number will come up and his card will read “B-I-N-G-O”. Any minute. Just watch patriots. It’ll be a great coping mechanism for when the GOP takes the House majority. We’ll explain in detail how President Biden let them win because you don’t catch someone cheating in an election using ballots made in Belarus from turnip fibers before they win illegitimately. You want until after the election to expose all the evidence with lots of hearings and reports and press conferences in a parking lot. That’s how a real master strategist plays it.
Not like those QAnon dipshits did. Fucking losers, lol.