In remarks at a press conference following an important meeting with his more powerful partner in the fight for global repression and authoritarianism, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin said ChiCom dictator Xinnie the Pooh had expressed some “concerns” about how badly the Russians are getting their asses kicked by the furious Ukrainian counteroffensive, the New York Times reports.
Xi didn’t say anything publicly about Ukraine, an omission taken by the Times as a sign the ChiComs are not going to help turn the tide. Since we don’t have any further info to report about the meeting and don’t feel like filling in three paragraphs of background info, we’re just going to pretend Xi told Putin “YOU INSOLENT FOOL! We worked for decades to develop these carefully laid plans to defeat Dark Brandon and you’ve been made to look weak and cowardly by a TV comedian!” as a lightning bolt split the sky outside of the the Jade Palace and Xi’s pet mutant dragon tigers growled and bared their golden teeth at Putin. “And your supposed brilliant mad scientist Doctor Arkady Fenix choked on his own vomit from drinking homemade vodka mixed with paint thinner and died the day before he was supposed to complete the time portal and send modern ChiCom-Russian commandos to invade Washington in 1925! I’m tiring of your incompetence!”