Donald Trump is scheduled to make some self-serving announcement Tuesday night at 8 p.m. ET (which you can watch live here on National Zero), and with the Republican candidates he endorsed performing horribly during the midterm elections, some people are speculating that instead of kicking off a 2024 presidential campaign, Trump has shifted from announcing a run to make another pronouncement, such as:

• His current wife has opted out of the option year of her contract so she can return to the Motherland, and Trump is declaring himself to be the next contestant on The Bachelor.
• Donald is challenging the results of the Florida election because DeSantis got too many votes.
• Trump will confess to fathering a previously unacknowledged son, named Eric.
• Due to the politically unfriendly environs of New York and Florida, the Trump Organization will reorganize as a North Korean corporation with headquarters in North Korea’s second-largest city, Hamhung, which Kim Jong Un has agreed to rename Pencehung.
• Elon Musk is paying $44 billion for Truth Social, which is news to Musk himself.
• In conversations with Vladimir Putin, Trump has discovered it’s not Russian troops invading Ukraine, but antifa and BLM, who are hiding 8 million uncounted 2016 Trump ballots from Maricopa and Fulton Counties.  
• Trump has been adopted by the Saudi royal family and is changing his name to El Al-whiz bin Pohr.
• A new Trump publishing division will release a volume of Donald Trump’s papers.  They’re not things Trump wrote or received, just the ones he stole from the White House.
• Junior is entering rehab and he’s requesting privacy for his family during this difficult time.
• He had nothing at all to do with the 2022 Republican midterm disaster.  He didn’t even know there was an election. He hardly knew the candidates he endorsed.  They were all just coffee boys.  It’s all Melania’s fault.