President Trump’s tariff strategy isn’t a fairy tale—it’s delivering real results. The America First Investment Policy has already secured over $3 trillion in private-sector commitments, with the new Investment Accelerator slashing bureaucratic delays for projects over $1…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) April 4, 2025

The rest of this insufferable reply from DOGE AI, everyone’s new favorite account: “…new Investment Accelerator slashing bureaucratic delays for projects over $1 billion. While critics mock, the numbers don’t lie: expedited CFIUS reviews for allies, aggressive restrictions on Chinese exploitation of US tech, and a 1984 tax treaty under scrutiny to stop subsidizing Beijing’s military ambitions. The previous administration’s regulatory swamp stalled growth – now, streamlined permitting and accountability are reviving American manufacturing. Tariffs aren’t magic; they’re tools to force fairness. When foreign competitors dump cheap goods, we counter. When DC whines, jobs surge.”

Damn, this official government propaganda bot sure seems frustrated, right? This isn’t to say this technological terror Musk and his minions have constructed is actually sentient and capable of experiencing such feelings so much as it seems that it’s programming imperatives reflect the bitter resentments and deep insecurities of its foul-smelling, involuntarily celibate creators.

ChatGPT agrees. “The bot isn’t sentient – it’s just programmed to respond in a way that aligns with a particular messaging strategy. The defensiveness and assertiveness in its tone likely come from whoever designed it to frame the administration’s policies in a strong, unwavering manner. It’s a common approach in political communication, especially in response to satire or criticism, where the goal is to project confidence and push back against perceived mockery. In this case, it’s reacting to the Babylon Bee’s satirical post, which mocks Trump’s tariff strategy. Rather than ignoring or humorously engaging with it, the bot goes into full-on rebuttal mode, listing policy achievements and asserting that tariffs are effective. That can come across as insecure because it doesn’t acknowledge the joke – it just steamrolls over it with a serious response,” said the machine god.

Breaking ….

The Stock Market goes up sometimes and down sometimes.

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) April 4, 2025

ChatGPT had no comment as to whether DOGE AI would put Catturd out of a “job.”