Iga Paul, a two year Ugandan boy has made a full recovery after being hospitalized with minor injuries incurred when a hungry hungry hippo nearly swallowed him whole, CNN reports. Iga was about halfway down the fat fuck’s throat before a man who rushed to help was able smash it hard enough with a rock to get the hippo to spit Iga back out. “It took the bravery of a one Chrispas Bagonza, who was nearby, to save the victim after he stoned the hippo and scared it, causing it to release the victim from its mouth,” said a spokesperson for Uganda Police Force in a statement.
“Although the hippo was scared back into the lake, all residents near animal sanctuaries and habitats should know that wild animals are very dangerous,” the statement continued, not explaining why the cops didn’t come back and feed the son of a bitch 200 rounds of Kalashnikov kibble.