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- Republicans tackling the nation’s big problems like teenage menstrual cycles and Super Bowl entertainers. All around the world, they’re laughing at how unserious they are.
- Hannity, Carlson and Ingraham–as well as their lesser-known outrage artists on Newsmax and OAN–are simply characters created by entertainers, the way the “Stephen Colbert” character on the Colbert Report was separate from the actor. The difference is, the actors and the audience are on different pages about the authenticity of the performer. In these cases, the audience is not in on the joke.
- Congrats to Rush Limbaugh on the second anniversary of being drink- and drug-free. Some people go to great lengths to remain sober, and Limbaugh is fully committed.
- I’m becoming increasingly convinced that the identification of overflying high-altitude balloons was a problem caused by the creation of Space Force. My guess: It’s the same old song. The Trump Administration screwed up and never established a definitive altitude when the Air Force stops operating and Space Force takes over, and the balloons fell in that interim altitude.
- Also, eliminate the Space Force and put it back under the Air Force, which should be renamed Space and Aeronautics Command or something to reflect the new mission.
- Smoke detectors should come with adjustable sounds when batteries are low–one beep, two beeps, three beeps–so the resident can tell what device on what floor of the house needs attention.
- With the spread of AI, soon it will be cool to be non-digital. Underground clubs will feature “biological” entertainers who actually play instruments; it’ll be the kinda place your parents would tell you never to be seen in. AI will never have the silkiness of hearing Wynton Marsalis or Springsteen or Yo-Yo Ma. It’ll be worth getting grounded.
- Republican Vice Presidents are weird. One shoots a guy in the face and another is threatened with assassination by the President he served, and neither felt the necessity to talk to authorities. It’s like they think they live under different rules.
- The Ark Encounter, the “biblically factual” depiction of Noah’s Ark in Kentucky. With a zip line. Because historical accuracy.
- Corollary to smoke detector issue: if you’re searching a grocery store battery display seeking a 9-volt battery to stop the infernal beeping (“$16 fucking dollars for two batteries! Fuck you AND your rabbit!”), you should get at least a 20% mental health discount.
- I’m not shocked Fox cast members knew they were lying about, well, everything. Sadly, I’m also not shocked that not a single one of them suggested maybe, y’know, telling the truth during their programs to get the real story out or not putting the people on the air in the first place. What really did surprise me was how disconnected they were to the fact that they were the ones pushing the lies and flaming the problem.
- Republicans seem to believe everyone should always strive to be the best, and if you’re not, you’re a loser so why try? Democrats work to make things just a little better every day.
- I would wager that the number of times Slavoj Žižek was mentioned on a disqus board could be counted on one hand… before yesterday.
- When a client’s project goes haywire because they’re not listening to your recommendations, sometimes you gotta say, “You go and do what you like. It’s been nice knowin’ ya.” Firing a client can be liberating for both you and your team (who really wanted you to do it for a long time).
- “Stop trying to make ‘qua’ happen, Becky. It’s NOT going to happen!”
- Recently learned that the Humpty Dumpty of nursery rhyme fame wasn’t an egg. The basis of the story was an actual Very Large Cannon on the wall of a 1600’s English castle that fell to the ground when a smaller enemy cannon knocked out stone on the supporting wall, causing Humpty to “have a great fall” when it collapsed.
- Some of the best dishes I ever had came my way by just letting the people do what they do best and make what they like. A fantastic carbonara with truffles and a quail egg from our friend Jessie. Lamb sous vide with a pumpkin soup from an unknown apprentice of Joël Robuchon in Chicago. And literally anything Riccardo makes; the Family Dinner at his place could be put on most menus.
- How did I get this long in life without knowing “Shimmy Shimmy Co Co Pop” was not a cereal commercial jingle and was actually a radio song? And if it’s not a cereal jingle, how is it not?
- To the people who design smoke detectors: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want, except to awaken me at four o’clock in the morning with sporadic *cheeps*. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But I do have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that will make me a perpetual nuisance for people like you. If you redesign your smoke detectors to warn us of low battery power during daylight hours only, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. You can live your life, your long life, as you like. But if you don’t, I will look for you. I will find you, and I will annoy the fuck out of you. I will break into your house and change all your clocks so no two read the same time. I’ll reprogram your garage remote. I will change your wifi passcode daily. I will turn on the alarm clock in your guest room so it blares at 3 a.m. I will hire window salesmen to knock on your door just as you sit down to eat dinner, every day, for two months. I will drive slow in front of you in the left lane. I will be the customer in front of you at a McDonald’s drive-thru, taking eight minutes to decide what I want to order from the menu like I have never seen it before. I will pay your neighbor to mow his lawn at 8 o’clock on a Sunday morning… and use the leaf blower. I will step right in front of you in the express checkout at the grocery and yes… yes, I will have 16 items, not 12. I will walk by you daily and whistle the song “Call Me Baby” so it stays in your head everyday, day after day, burrowing into your head until you scream for mercy. These are my skills, and you will come to loathe me.
