Somewhere out there in the MAGA media there’s a whole hooooeee ton a stories bout this country boy who, just couple years after his mama birthed him in the backbed of a broken down Silverado, picked up a old guitar and started strummin when he just barely knew how to walk. From then the boy always knew what was gonna be, even before his Uncle Bobby Dave snuck’m into the Garth Brooks show at the Palladium down in Stuckeysville ’cause Bobby Dave worked security there.

Hell, that was right before Bobby Dave got high on meth, shot his boss in the forehead, stole the register, and burned the Palladium to the ground. Damn. Lots of people were steamin mad over that, especially that judge who said Bobby Dave had to go to jail until he’s dead and they ain’t gonna let him out even a minute before then. Anyway, so now the boy all grown up and he’s a big star in Nashville and he singin lots of songs about regular folk like Bobby Dave and his little girl, Destiny Starlette, who’s all grown up now and she even got three of her own. She all by herself and she got three mouths to feed. Top of all that she have to collect call her daddy Bobby Dave… right when he get out of solitary for stabbin Destiny’s second baby daddy Luis in the neck with a broken hair comb for knockin her up and then goin to jail himself for stealing copper from the Union Pacific yard.

Them corrections officers shoulda known them two shouldn’t be in the same jailhouse an- Oh right, so the boy, Jason Aldean, he all grown up now and he a big hit in traditional America, especially with his latest single “Try That In A Small Town,” which is telling them Antifa queers and BLM thugs on no uncertain terms are they gonna be allowed to loot and burn a tight, close-knit community like Stuckeysville or anywhere else out in the country. But now them Jews who control the media say that song is CANCELLED from CMT, which now stands for Communist Music Television. Real Americans ain’t gonna take this no more! They keep pushin us down but we risin back up! MAGA!