We don't have to write any more articles about the Iowa caucuses

National Zero scored a huge victory Tuesday with our liberation from having to write articles about the goddamned Iowa caucuses and the weather and all that shit now that, as expected, fat former President Trump defeated his rivals handily, though with reduced turnout and a slim 51 percent majority, having captured just about 5,000 more votes than Ted Cruz did it 2016.

WATCH LIVE: Orange God Emperor tours Los Angeles

Harvard Law professor wastes valuable seconds explaining why dickhead Andy Ogles’s third term amendment going nowhere

Navajo leader says tribe members being arrested by ICE

Baby Goebbels pissed elementary school wouldn’t let ICE in

New Jersey hit with sad, low-energy, weak earthquake

Oklahoma AG requests DOJ transfer prisoner for prompt execution

“Certainly I would not take responsibility”

Trump pulls Fauci’s security detail

Congolese governor killed in battle with rebels

United Healthcare hires new CEO

Demented old asshole doesn’t remember inviting Schiff on trip

Border Patrol agent’s funeral apparently won’t be a campaign stop

Fox News reports releasing violent felons from prison is bad

Puerto Rico-born veteran detained in New Jersey ICE raid

Orange Messiah to hold campaign rally in Las Vegas on Sunday

Operation “Appearance of Mass Deportation Underway” underway

High school dropout mistakenly screams over “guy” in ladies’ room

Nobody got shot in New York City for five days

Andy Ogles gunning hard for that pardon

“The problem is the president doesn’t have any leverage over him and Elon gives zero fucks”: Trump minion on AI project shitposts

Hegseth told Liz Warren he paid rape accuser $50,000

Nobody knows more about central banking

Orange Felon declassifies JFK, RFK, and MLK assassination files

Mike Johnson killed Cassidy Hutchinson subpoena over fears she would testify about sexually explicit texts House GOP sent her

Federal judge blocks Trump’s birthright citizenship order

FBI raids Rhode Island immigration lawyer’s office

Remote island off Antarctica in path of trillion-ton iceberg

WATCH LIVE: Globalist pretends he isn’t one in Davos address

Trump pulls security detail from Mike Pompeo, former top aide

Gasoline costs 3 cents more per gallon than it did a week ago

Ketamine Brain grateful for some Jew cred to back him up here

Nashville school shooter was influenced by Candace Owens

Fox News reports new Papist plot to undermine US sovereignty

“Episode 5 started with small spatter fountains”

Mississippi Dem intros “Life Begins at Erection” Act

Border Patrol ordered to summarily deport asylum claimants

“A country that lives in forest”

Orange Antichrist names zealot to lead US media agency

New fire threatens jail in Los Angeles County

Fired House Intel Chair worried replacement will be too focused on “Deep State” circlejerks rather than actual threats to America

Nancy Mace eyeing gubernatorial run

House GOP to continue investigating January 6th investigation

MAGA Congressman publicly badgers “moderate” colleague

Military to deploy 1,500 troops to border

Insurrectionist considering inviting pardonees to White House

Tim Burchett fucking sucks at whataboutery

Kremlin asset posts some kayfabe

Mike Johnson shreds presidential pardon abuse

Depressed fish healthier after being provided with fake humans

Floridians warned not to eat snow