You knew this was coming: Fat former President Trump’s minions have been preparing for a “holy war” against the 21st century’s Elvis Presley if and when she ends up publicly endorsing Joe Biden as many of his fans haven’t been able to shut the fuck up about, Rolling Stone reports.

We’re just going to clip this one paragraph verbatim since we can’t quite do it justice by recomposing it: “Trump has reacted to the possibility of Biden and Swift teaming up against him this year not with alarm, but with an instant projection of ego. In recent weeks, the former president has told people in his orbit that no amount of A-list celebrity endorsements will save Biden. Trump has also privately claimed that he is ‘more popular’ than Swift is and that he has more committed fans than she does, a person close to Trump and another source with knowledge of the matter tell Rolling Stone.”

The report goes on to describe Trump having complained that Swift was named Time’s 2023 Person of The Year rather than him, lol. A minion tells Rolling Stone that the plan is to portray Swift as an out of touch Hollywood elitist and blah blah blah. “It would be more fuel thrown on to the culture-war fires. Another left-wing celebrity who is part of the Democrat elite telling you what to think.”

“Joe Biden might be counting on Taylor Swift to save him, but voters are looking at these sky-high inflation rates and saying, ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,'” abortion pill milkshake guy Jason Miller told Rolling Stone in a statement confirming the internal angst.