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Russia announces investigation into Burisma

Russian officials on Tuesday announced they were opening an investigation into Ukrainian energy company Burisma on suspicion of funding the ISIS terrorist attack that killed more than 140 people in Moscow’s Crocus City Hall concert venue last month, the Kyiv Independent reports.

Yeah this is real. White House National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan even addressed a reporter’s question about it during the daily press conference on Tuesday, somehow this flew under the radar of a lot of outlets. Like we get that Russians like to troll a lot, and not just in the regular internet propaganda sense, but at the highest echelons of power in their dysfunctional shitshow of a country. Like Putin himself was trolling when he said in February he preferred Biden be reelected.

This is kind of jumping the shark and borders on bad self-parody. It’s a joke National Zero would’ve rejected for being too on the nose with trying to tie Hunter Biden to ISIS. It’s just too uninspired, even if we’d mockingly urge Jim Jordan to subpoena Burisma. However if we could have printed this headline without the Crocus attack context that would be a pretty goddamned funny throwback to the fall of 2019: That Trump couldn’t get Zelensky to announce an investigation into Burisma then we so the Russians were taking the initiative five years later. Would’ve been great, but instead we’re stuck deconstructing something this overcooked Burisma-ISIS absurdity. Fucking dicks.

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