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Former Zambian lawmaker’s associates arrested in total witch hunt

IT’S A TOTAL WITCH HUNT! Zambian President Hakainde Hichilema’s regime have arrested two men allegedly hired by Nelson Banda, the younger brother of fugitive lawmaker Jay Banda, on charges practicing witchcraft, possession of charms, and cruelty to animals in rituals meant to cast a dark spell over Hichilema, the Associated Press reports on a third world politically biased investigation.

Suspects Jasten Mabulesse Candunde, 42, and Leonard Phiri, 43, “were found in possession of assorted charms, including a live chameleon, and are alleged to be practicing witch doctors,” said Zambian Federal Police spokesman Rae Hamoonga, adding that their purported mission “was to use charms to harm the Head of State, His Excellency President Hakainde Hichilema.”

In all seriousness Hichilema has put up with a lot of bullshit since taking office in 2021, mostly led by his corrupt predecessor, Edgar Lungu. Not saying the Hichilema’s definitely a saint, he could be just as corrupt and/or despotic, but if you judge him solely by his enemies – and the fact that these clowns were resorting to fucking witchcraft to take him down – well maybe he is a good leader.

Though if he wants to take the country forward then maybe he should order prosecutors to drop the witchcraft charges and stick solely to the cruelty to animals rap. Don’t take that shit seriously.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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