In a rare calendar alignment not seen since 2005, American Jews will be deprived of one of their most sacred Christmas traditions next week: Ordering Chinese food and going to a movie theater since most other establishments are closed on the Christian/hypercapitalist holiday, as USA Today reports the Tribe will instead celebrate the first night of Hanukkah on December 25th. Such a convergence of the Hebrew and Gregorian calendars will next occur in 2035 and then again in 2054.
What’s probably a loss in the tens of millions nationally for cinemas and purveyors of sodium-flavored carbohydrates mixed in with meat byproducts is a gain for those in mixed families whom would prefer to avoid gathering for two separate celebrations in a single month because hearing Aunt Mary-Catherine drunkenly calling Uncle Bernie a “Christ-killer” once a year is enough.
Also those chocolate gold shekels are freaking terrible and make gingerbread seem like a delicacy.