“They say men have dirty minds, but women are flipping the script with their Valentine’s Day gifts from Manly Man Co, makers of unique gifts for men. After combing through hundreds of hilarious, cheeky, and downright naughty messages engraved on their iconic Meat Cards, a fully customizable greeting card made of beef jerky, a trend has emerged: women might just be outpacing men in the risqué creativity department. The Meat Card lets customers put their thoughts and feelings – whether sweet, spicy, or completely unfiltered – on display. And when the team behind the scenes took a closer look at the submissions, one thing became clear: women are going all in on the humor and innuendo,” says a press release from the Manly Man Company. Fuuuuuuuuuuck, lol.

“Here’s a Sample of What Women Had to Say: ‘Hope you enjoy my meat in your mouth as much as I enjoy yours in mine,’ ‘This meat isn’t the only thing that’s getting jerked tonight,’ ‘Your meat is rare and well done, just like you.’ ‘I’m tender for your beef, always,’ ‘My favorite thing to chew on is still your meat,'” the press release continues and holy fuck this is as apparently real as it is stupid.

“‘We’ve always known our Meat Cards are a hit with couples, but we didn’t expect this level of witty, dirty fun. It turns out, when you give women a blank slate and a slab of jerky, they’re not afraid to get hilariously bold,'” says “Manly Man Company” founder Greg Murray promoting his meat-based gift cards ahead of Valentine’s Day. Thomas Ligotti was unavailable for comment.