Dow Jones drops like Lindsey Graham's pants at a molly party

Oooh oooh oooh! Wait, what if the headline said “Dow Jones drops like Mitch McConnell on a staircase”? Or “like Lauren Boebert’s dress at an off-Broadway musical”? Or “like a Russian politician from a 10th story window”? Or “salads from Sarah Huckabee’s diet after she started Ozempic”?

What about “tanks”? Is there any good one with “tanks”? Not as flexible, but could work in “tanks worse than Lara Trump’s latest single.” Hmmmm… Might have to start keeping a list of these handy.

Mike Johnson’s chief of staff could blame Musk for DWI arrest

Federal judge blocks Khalil’s deportation, sets Wednesday hearing

Ketamine Brain blames Ukraine for “cyberattack” on Twitter

Dow Jones drops like Lindsey Graham’s pants at a molly party

Seattle officials unsure if Cybertruck fire was arson or self-arson

Jaydee viciously booed for blaming housing costs on immigrants

Texas Republican intros ban on being transgender

NASA announces they got some data from fucked up lunar lander

Mike Flynn uges Musk to fire CIA agents behind “cyberattack”

Orange Ayatollah proudly owns Columbia protestor’s abduction

Terrified illegal immigrant Mexican doesn’t blame Trump

Ontario premier jacks US electricity export rates up 25 percent

“We’ve got a Biden economy”

Nepalese monarchists turn out in droves for deposed king’s visit

CNBC tells it like it is

Gateway Pundit just tweeting questions

Supreme Court to hear bid to end Colorado conversion therapy ban

Utah governor to sign bill banning water fluoridation

Senate Dems to intro bill forcing rehire for all veterans laid off

Orange Conquistador remembers to threaten Greenland again

Top State Department official called Rubio a homosexual

MAGAsymmetrical Warfare

Palestinian student protest leader in ICE custody

Human cannonball fails to correct for wind

Michigan Republican to intro bill completely banning porn

“You can’t really watch the stock market”

State of emergency declared over raging brushfires on Long Island

White collar criminal non-answers question about economic pain

Secret Service blasts armed libtard outside White House

ELON AND MARCO ARE FINE, OKAY?

NRCC chair says Musk told him VA “bureaucrats” fired employees

“Shut Up About Egg Prices”

Lara Trump concerned US moving to all-digital Monopoly money

North Carolina woman hides under pile of clothes to escape cops

South Carolina Blasted Convict ordered Kentucky Fried Chicken

Movie Night Friday: Battleship

Was MAGA nation into mass federal firings before DOGE was cool?

Monmouth University to shut down polling operation

SDNY prosecutors working Adams case placed on leave

WATCH LIVE: Trump pretends he understands crypto

Bondi DOJ opens investigation into egg prices

Regime drops case against carcinogenic rubber plant

Job numbers down because of deportations: Breitbart

Virginia Trump fan having second thoughts

Missouri Dem state lawmaker says MAGA Congressman sent aides to try to intimidate staffers over angry calls from constituents

TSA agents encouraged to thank Noem for ending their CBA

Gay airplane removed from military databases in anti-woke purge

DOGE idiots signed off on $80 million for migrant hotels in NYC

Scott Bessent skips the “stocks gain with Trump’s polls” line

Kind, benevolent president opens America to oppressed minority