“Ranger Chocolate Co is thrilled to announce the inaugural Portland Craft Chocolate Festival, a three-day celebration showcasing the region’s finest bean-to-bar makers, chocolatiers, and artisans. Taking place October 3 – 5, 2025 at Portland’s historic Olympic Mills building, the festival will feature tastings, pairings, demonstrations, and engaging conversations designed to connect chocolate lovers with the people behind the craft,” says a press release from Ranger Chocolate Company and yes the Olympic Mills building is an “urban rustic” former industrial site with its scoured old concrete floors and wood fixtures covered in a thick layer of epoxy. Where the hell did you think they were going to hold it? A friggin shopping mall or some Hyatt hotel? So basic.

“‘Portland has a vibrant craft chocolate scene, and this festival is an opportunity to bring together the best makers, innovators, and enthusiasts to celebrate the artistry and passion behind chocolate,’ said George Domurot, Founder and CEO of Ranger Chocolate Co. ‘We want to bring a positive and fun event to our community – one that honors the farmers who grow cacao, the makers who transform it, and the partners who create new experiences that elevate how we enjoy it,'” the press release continued and yes George is caucasian, has facial hair, and wears flannel shirts.

“The Portland Craft Chocolate Festival is set to become an annual tradition, celebrating ethical sourcing, sustainability” and cutting it off there because THAT is how you know this is for real a caucasian operation. Actually surprising and alarming that it took them until the third paragraph to get to “sustainability.” That should’ve been right up front and this whole freaking festival should’ve launched a decade ago at the latest. How in Christ’s name did it take white people this long to create a craft chocolate scene? Everything bespoke and artisanal that white people do – from friggin basil-scented soap to mocktails to $600 Brooklinen Egyptian cotton bedsheet sets – and THIS is the first craft chocolate festival in Portland’s history? They’re edging dangerously close to cheugy.

At least the logo’s really rizzy and vibey. PDX is such a wired way to abbreviate Portland too.