Pussy-ass bitch Secretary of State Marco Rubio’s team are planning to issue a “limited run” of 25,000 US passports featuring the visage of the Holy Orange God Emperor, the Bulwark reports under a headline that’s a little more alarmist as it says “EXCLUSIVE: State Dept Finalizing Plan to Put Trump Picture on US Passports,” but then further down specifies that it’s a limited run rather than a full “permanent” redesign of all US passports. So still cultish, Maoist kind of shit, just apparently optional, like a vanity plate. Or maybe 25,000 passport holders are just going to be unlucky enough to have applied or renewed at the wrong time. If not then what happens when they don’t sell out?

So many questions. One not as vexing is what will happen to the few that do choose the Trump passport, since they might as well be wearing a t-shirt saying “I have 15 grams of heroin crammed into my rectum.” Cavity searches, lengthy interrogations, and getting turned around immediately will be the punishment for the lucky ones, charges of espionage and God knows what else for the rest.

“The Bulwark reached out to both the State Department and the White House this morning with a request for comment. A State Department spokesperson asked us for deadline extension as they were ‘looking into’ the inquiry. We gave them an additional two hours. In that time, Fox News published an ‘exclusive’ on the new passport design. A White House spokesperson then sent us an email response confirming the new design ‘on background’ with a link to the Fox News story,” the outlet wrote in one of the most believable stories ever told in the history of print media.