Say what you will about James Comer and Jim Jordan – this site has said plenty. Yet for all the many times that they made themselves look like absolute stupid assholes, even the clearest instances of their incompetence very rarely ever unfolded in real time, on live television, self-immolated the way pockmarked fascist white nationalist Missouri MAGA Senator Eric Schmitt did on Tuesday.

In all fairness, expectations are always pretty low when Comer and Jordan take their perches in the hearing room and start hammering their latest stupid bullshit conspiracy theory, making it fair to say Schmitt’s utterly embarrassing fuckup was actually worse since, until Tuesday, he had managed to project an image of estimable sophistication and competence compared to Gymbo and Fuckwheat.

Before actually getting into the specifics of the disaster, it’s worth seeing it on the face of not Jack Smith, not Eric Schmitt, but Alabama Senator Katie Britt – a Hill lifer who worked her way up to now-retired Senator Roy Blunt’s chief of staff and then won the old man’s seat – looking on like she’s about to burst into tears upon realizing what Schmitt and his aides just did in a hearing:

And if you didn’t watch the topmost video of Schmitt and Amy Klobuchar on CNN here’s what went down: Schmitt and his staff had this whole fucking ridiculous conspiracy in their heads of Jack Smith colluding with Fulton County, Georgia DA Fani Willis predicated entirely on the theory that Smith went to an Atlanta Hawks home game on February 3rd, 2024. Schmitt even accused Smith of perjury for denying he had gone to the game. Right here is where it’s important to mention that there’s nothing prohibiting a federal prosecutor from sharing notes with a local district attorney. No statute, no Justice Department policy. If they’re investigating the same conspiracy then they are absolutely free to work together if they so choose, and there is nothing preventing them from doing so as long as they’re not violating any laws. This was all just MAGA bullshit and dust clouds.

If it was based on truth. On the night in question Smith went to an a Maryland Lady Terps home game. In Maryland. Some fucking asshole on Schmitt’s team confused the Iowa Hawkeyes with the Atlanta Hawks, even going so far as to put up the placard illustrating the Smith-Willis collusion conspiracy, which they very quickly took down when they realized the mistake, far too late.

Who knew Jack Smith was a Caitlin Clark fan?

— Eric Schmitt (@Eric_Schmitt) September 29, 2026

Who knew Eric Schmitt was even fucking dumber than Jim Jordan and James Comer. It’s like Schmitt tried to copy their lyrics but not the meaning, that if (really when) you fuck up you can just chalk your mistake to some larger conspiracy or that, okay, maybe that witness didn’t blow the conspiracy wide open but they’re going to be super-duper subpoenaed next week and we’ll get to the bottom the mystery of the treasure that Hillary Clinton and Hunter Biden buried at Pirate’s Cove.

Those two would tie together the most ridiculous shit on the same level of specious inanity as “Smith went to an Atlanta Hawks game, therefore he and Fani Willis colluded” but they would NEVER have done so in a way that can be falsified in real time, in the room. This guy was the fucking attorney general of Missouri and defendants who lost cases against his office might seriously consider petitioning for a new trial at this point. That’s how bad of a self-own this was.

Or just measure it by the look on Katie Britt’s face.

BONUS CONTENT:

It really was that bad.

Same reason Benny Johnson deleted this pic.twitter.com/sfOQuTVt6N

— Southern Cowgirl 💕 (@DrSouthern) September 29, 2026

Schmitt’s team apparently had orchestrated a whole blitz, starting with a morning Axios slobbering “SCOOP” claiming that Schmitt was on the shortlist for Jaydee’s running mate in 2028.

And this pitiful bit on the Charlie Kirk-less Charlie Kirk Show almost immediately afterward.