Trump dead: report - National Zero

Former federal Judge Maryanne Trump Barry, older sister to disgraced former President Trump, died at her home in Manhattan Monday morning at the age of 86, the New York Times reports on God once again choosing the wrong one of Fred Trump’s evil spawn but at least blessing us with the opportunity to troll National Zero readers with a misleading but still technically accurate headline.

Large headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung did not respond to a request for comment from the Times on this matter. Probably wanted to say Maryanne was a mean old bitch and he hated her.

New York Post reports Trump to completely defeat Tren de Aragua gang but then the daydream ended and a cold reality sank in

MAGA Senators still fine-tuning Hegseth defenses

NASA developing phone-sized aquatic probes to explore Europa

Venezuelan forces lay siege to Argentinian embassy in Caracas

Fox News reports wokeness ruining country music industry

Philippines Vice President Sara Duterte says she’s ordered assassin to kill President Ferdinand Marcos immediately if/when she is killed

Random thoughts Friday, Volume CCI

Hungarian Nazi enthusiast named to National Security post

We’re gonna miss him when he’s gone

Hedge fund manager going to play with a lot more people’s money

Maine Republican declared winner of election for state seat by one vote after being arrested for choking wife in October

Canadian Clustertruck captain convicted

Top German conservative activist dies at 96

Guy who can’t get webcasts to work interested in buying MSNBC

Texas Supreme Court gets Ken Paxton out of a jam

Matt Gaetz says he won’t be back in Congress on January 3rd

Judge Merchan indefinitely postpones Trump sentencing

Mike Rogers not under consideration for FBI chief: Trump minion

MAGA Land urges children to sacrifice new toys for America First

Tucker says he told Johnson to “check with Putin” on Ukraine aid

Team Orange “blindsided” by Hegseth rape accusation

Convicted California pedophile faces 740 years to life in prison

New York man actually laser eye-memes fucking Kevin McCarthy

“He was doing very well but, at the same time, did not want to be a distraction for the Administration”: Trump on Gaetz withdrawal

Matt Gaetz pulls out before things got even more messy

Republicans don’t actually know how mass deportation will work

MAGA propagandists put on nominee defense duty

Barrasso comes out in support of Pete Hegseth

Allegation: Hegseth drugged, sexually assaulted woman

ICC issues arrest warrant for Netanyahu

Bobby Jr agreed that Trump fans are “Nazis” back in 2016

Florida man arrested for planning to bomb Wall Street

Out of control inflation: banana sells for $5 million

House Republicans lining up to sink Gaetz nomination

Not The Onion: Alex Jones sues Sandy Hook families, The Onion

Capitol rioter convicted of plotting to murder FBI agents

House Ethics fails to agree to release Gaetz investigation report

Elon Musk got a lot done today

Orange Pharaoh rages over pushback to his shitty picks

Laken Riley’s killer convicted

Bald asshole former acting AG gets NATO ambassador nod

Grindr user “SenatorPartySlut1776” complies with blackmail terms

Freeman and Moss ask judge to hold Rudy in contempt

Jaydee stuck trying to sell Senate GOP on Gaetz

Surprise! Bobby Jr bought into “plandemic” shit in 2020

Walmart CFO says they’re getting ready to jack up prices

US Embassy in Kyiv shuts down over anticipated Russian attack

AG-designate Gaetz helped pay $10K in tuition for two underprivileged sex workers, Committee investigation found

Wrestling executive to head US Education Department

Guy accused of battery who cheated on wife once wrote of one’s “moral responsibility” while at Ivy League. (No, the other guy)