Coming to Oklahoma state Superintendent of Education Ryan Walters’ defense after the better part of two weeks of the far right assclown being left high and dry while accused of playing porn on a TV in his office during a meeting with the members of the Sooner State’s Board of Education and then falsely claiming the investigation into the incident was closed and he had been exonerated, state House Speaker Kyle Hilbert says he believes the TV was tuned to a 1985 Jackie Chan movie called The Protector, the Oklahoman reports on an oddly credible twist in the story.

“In my opinion, the most plausible explanation for what occurred that day is that the television, which had only been in the superintendent’s office for fewer than two months, automatically launched Samsung’s free streaming service and began playing a film that contained explicit content, without anyone in the room realizing it at the time,” said Hilbert as he explained his theory.

Which is actually genuinely 100 percent plausible. The two members of the board who saw the television screen said they had only briefly glimpsed naked women in a massage table-like setting and weren’t sure if it was actually porn. The Protector, Chan’s second American-produced movie, one still set and filmed in his native Hong Kong, does indeed feature a scene in a massage parlor with nude women. The free “Samsung TV Plus” does have literally thousands of channels of random movies and filler content. There’s literally a fucking Dawson’s Creek channel. It’s all Dawson’s Creek, all the time, 24-goddamned-seven. Furthermore, if you so much as sneeze too close to a Samsung TV remote you can suddenly find yourself watching Bigfoot Beyond The Trail: Searching for The Alaskan Sasquatch featuring an exclusive interview with a Bigfoot-themed rock musician.

How easily this can be corroborated is unclear. It may be a matter of simply asking Samsung to ascertain whether the movie was in fact playing at the time. If they can answer produce the data on their past schedule it would seem that Walters would be off the hook.

The only aspect that would not add up is Walters’ alleged evasiveness when called out by the board members for having it on the screen though these members – appointed by Gov Kevin Stitt who’s long sick of Walters – were already hostile to the notorious scumbag Evangelical crusader and Trump grift accomplice. It might be that Walters is simply a fucking asshole who couldn’t be bothered to address the issue that wasn’t even his fault and instead took it as a personal attack.

UPDATE 8/5/2025 8:17 PM EDT: Samsung corroborated Hilbert with their schedule, per Fox23.