Kristi Noem weighs in on report husband lives cross-dressing double life: 'The family was blindsided by this' https://t.co/UOis9YJGLw pic.twitter.com/b7Ohxk2VcQ

— New York Post (@nypost) March 31, 2026

In an “exclusive” responding to the Bryon Noem embarrassment printed by the Daily Mail on Tuesday, the New York Post quotes a statement from “representatives” of the dog-murdering former Homeland Security Secretary, reading “Ms Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at the time,” and goddamn is there a lot to work with there.

First off, assume it’s 100 percent sincere and accurate – a heavy lift, sure. But lift you must and read it carefully. VERY carefully. “Ms Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this.” Note how “Ms Noem” and “the family” are two distinct parties here. One is “devastated,” the other “blindsided” as in surprised, which very easily could be interpreted as “Kristi knew, she’s devastated the Daily Mail published the pics of her husband cross-dressing and wearing fake boobs, and she never sat her kids down to tell them their dad has issues so it’s better they find out from her first and not the stupid Daily Mail. So yeah they’re ‘blindsided’ because for so long they thought that only one of their parents was a twisted amoral freak with no respect for the sanctity of their marriage, not both.”

Then there’s the “they ask for privacy and prayers at the time.” Yeah, pray for the kids that Corey Lewandowski just spends the next few days at a strip club in Pierre and doesn’t intrude upon their privacy. Pray he only texts Byron just to ask which sites have the best “bimbofication” vids.