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Cops in Italy on Monday announced the arrests of 13 people connected to Chinese mafia crews on charges such as drug dealing, sex trafficking, and aggravated robbery following a nationwide sweep amid the gangs’ growing presence in the traditional homeland of organized crime – and where good old fashioned La Cosa Nostra and Ndrangheta are on the wane, Reuters reports.

The numbers don’t lie: In 1991 in Sicily there were at least 253 murders connected to mafia activity, in 2020 there were four of them. Meanwhile these Chinese crews have blasted at least two people in Rome this year alone as part of the “Hanger War,” an internecine turf battle over control of the luxury clothing trade. A direct comparison in illicit revenue within Italy is tough to come by but that the Chinese gangs are estimated to have minted €13 billion across the EU last year vs €10.7 billion for the locals in their country. Either way it’s clear the Temu Don Corleones are kicking serious ass.

Rasmussen Reports, the pollster that in 2023 found a majority of Republican respondents to agree that Mike Lindell should be the chair of the RNC, last week found a majority of respondents – 54 percent – to “believe it’s likely that members of President Barack Obama’s national security team committed crimes when they manipulated and manufactured intelligence to promote a false narrative about Russia and Donald Trump, including 37 percent who consider it Very Likely.”

Exactly how they found this majority is unclear, but it most likely required a good deal of trial-and-error in which the question was re-worded continually during as the survey was conducted, that it began with “Do you believe Obama and his team committed crimes connected to the 2016 election?” to “Recent reports from trustworthy sources indicate that former President Barack Hussein Obama, a Kenyan-born Muslim, had committed treason and tried to overturn President Trump’s historic landslide 2016 election victory. If true, should Obama be executed?”

“Sidney Sweeney, a registered Republican, has the HOTTEST ad out there. It’s for American Eagle, and the jeans are ‘flying of the shelves.’ Go get ‘em Sidney. On the other side of the ledger, Jaguar did a stupid, and seriously WOKE, advertisement, THAT IS A DISASTER. The CEO just resigned, the company is in turmoil. Shouldn’t they have learned a lesson from Bud Lite, which went Woke and essentially destroyed, in a short but very Woke campaign, the Company. The market cap destruction has been unprecedented, BILLIONS OF DOLLARS LOST. Or just look at Woke singer Taylor Swift.”

“Ever since I alerted the world as to what she was by saying on TRUTH that I can’t stand her,” wrote convicted felon President Trump on Monday. It’s Sydney Sweeney, Señor Tiny Weenie.

The demented Truth Social missive was a break from the actual governing and policy-ish work of justifying his impulsive, Stalinesque firing of the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics just hours after they handed him a shitty monthly employment report on Friday. “Last weeks Job’s Report was RIGGED, just like the numbers prior to the Presidential Election were Rigged. That’s why, in both cases, there was massive, record setting revisions, in favor of the Radical Left Democrats.”

“Those big adjustments were made to cover up, and level out, the FAKE political numbers that were CONCOCTED in order to make a great Republican Success look less stellar!!! I will pick an exceptional replacement. Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAGA!” Trump posted, obviously realizing he fucked up but digging deeper as the fat fucking baby is wont to do.

Republican California Congressman Kevin Kiley is, supposedly, according to a tweet and not an article by Breitbart, planning to intro a bill in the House banning redistricting before 2030, effectively asking his party to stand down in Texas so his district does not end up getting erased by Golden State Dems in retaliation for the MAGA Republican power grab in the Lone Star State.

“Is this a Panican move?” Breitbart’s social media schmuck wrote in the tweet after the “reporting.”

The reception from Kiley’s GOP colleagues will all but certainly end up being like that of Republican Senators in early 2022, who expressed zero interest in remedying gerrymandering nationally even after the post-2021 map produced no real advantages for them in the House.

“Chickens, rabbits and guinea pigs make up an important part of the diet of our predators, especially the European lynx – which needs whole prey, which is reminiscent of what it would naturally hunt in the wild 🐾 In zoos we have a responsibility to imitate the natural food chain of the animals – in terms of both animal welfare and professional integrity 🤝 If you have a healthy animal that has to leave for various reasons, feel free to donate it to us. The animals are gently euthanized by trained staff and used as fodder. That way, nothing goes to waste – and we ensure natural behavior, nutrition and well-being of our predators ♻️💕” says an auto-translated Facebook post from the Aalborg Zoo in the town of the same name in Denmark. The “gently euthanized” part seems a little dicey.

The post links to a page on the zoo’s website, which goes into further detail and hypes the tax savings for live horse donations. “Aalborg Zoo gratefully receives live horses, which we euthanize and slaughter for food at Aalborg Zoo. Our needs vary throughout the year, and there may be a waiting list. Before you consider contacting us regarding donation, the following conditions must be met: You must provide your name, address and phone number when registering the horse…”

The Most Transparent President in History. 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/q8RCo1hn7k

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) August 4, 2025

Cops in Caribou County, Idaho are seeking an unidentified Idaho man to issue a littering citation after he disposed of his girlfriend’s lifeless body in the Blackfoot River sometime last week, leading to a manpower-intensive three-hour search for the remains, East Idaho News reports.

“When my team went in and pulled it out of the water, that’s when they realized it was just a life-size companion doll,” said Caribou County Sheriff Adam Mabey, adding he “was hoping it’d blow over and no one would ever hear about” his deputies having chased down some incel’s discarded sex doll.

Mabey was however at least satisfied with how his department’s response went as an unscheduled, unintended training drill, saying he’d “rather go all out and make sure we did everything properly at a scene… than to rush in and do something and find out we should’ve done something more.”

Because he’s done such a great job running the company of the past year and Cybertrucks are flying off the lot (sarc) Tesla on Monday awarded drug-addicted founder/CEO Elon Musk $29 billion worth of shares in the troubled electric vehicle manufacturer, CNBC reports.

We’re now at the “You have no right to punch me in the face if I punch you first… It’s actually tantamount to murder for you to pounch me back” stage of Republican politics in the United States.

Former Tennessee state NCAA football coach Derek Dooley on Monday launched his campaign to take on extremist fanboys MAGA Congressmen Buddy Carter and Mike Collins for the nomination to face Dem incumbent Jon Ossoff in 2026, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports.

“I haven’t known a president in my lifetime who’s been able to achieve these kinds of results. That’s what the people want,” Dooley said in his ball-sucking launch ad. “They want someone who is going to mean what they say, say what they mean. And then go deliver results.”

Tropical Storm Dexter, cursed with what may be the freaking nerdiest name possible for a tropical cyclone, is likely to form between North Carolina’s Outer Banks and Bermuda on Tuesday, the Weather Channel reports on the very low-energy beta storm’s all but certain ineffectuality.

There’s a joke going around on the smart political writers and podcasters these days. It might be old, it might be new, and would absolutely credit whoever came up with it if they could be identified, but it goes like this: A JFK assassination truther dies and, having lived an otherwise pious and virtuous life, he’s welcomed into Heaven and given an audience with God. Naturally the first thing the departed soul asks is “What actually happened in Dealey Plaza?” and God says “Lee Harvey Oswald took a Carcano .38 up the Texas Book Depository and fired three shots at Kennedy’s car, with two of the bullets fatally striking the president. He was the only shooter and he acted alone.”

The truther then says “Oh no. This goes higher than I thought. They even got to God himself!”

MAGA will persist. There will still be the hats, the rallies, the stupid bullshit from ProudPatriots.com, the Trump flags, and everything in between. The fascist batshittery of the American right wing that preceded the rise of and then was supercharged by convicted felon President Trump in 2016 will remain energized for decades and will in all likelihood be picked up by another sui generis leader who can channel it. Maybe more masterfully, maybe less, maybe the same level. The right wing grift-o-sphere has plenty of future ahead of it even if its Dear Leader has both a constitutional and gerontological expiration date within sight by the end of the decade (subject to change).

Republican members of Congress are fun (or “fun”) to watch on Sunday morning shows as they struggle with their narratives imploding on contact with actual scrutiny, weak spots that they’re far more susceptible to given their disposition as elected officials who have to answer to their own constituencies whose loyalty to the Orange God Emperor varies. Which could be why there’s only one Congressional Republican, Lindsey Graham, sitting for an interview this Sunday – and on the safest show, Maria Bartiromo’s, to boot. Which leaves the rest of the GOP booking gaps to be filled by Stephen “Baby Goebbels” Miller, dipshit Dr Oz, regime Economic Spokeswiener Kevin Hassett, and EPA maladministrator Lee Zeldin to go out there with all the confidence of mediocre white men who don’t have the problem of directly answering to voters who occasionally won’t buy their bullshit.

“The very wonderful and talented Lara Trump, whose show is a big ratings success, put racist sleazebag Charlamagne ‘The God’ (Why is he allowed to use the word ‘GOD’ when describing himself? Can anyone imagine the uproar there would be if I used that nickname?). He’s a Low IQ individual, has no idea what words are coming out of his mouth, and knows nothing about me or what I have done – like just ending 5 Wars, including a 31 year bloodbath between Republic of the Congo and Rwanda, where Seven Million people have died, and there was no end in sight.”

“He didn’t know that, or India and Pakistan or, wiping out Iran’s nuclear capabilities, or closing the horrendous open Border, or creating the greatest economy, where prices and Inflation have come way down, and where STUPID and CORRUPT JOE BIDEN set the record for doing the Worst Job as President, EVER. But this dope, Charlamagne, would vote for Sleepy Joe or Kamala? Remember, one year ago our Country was DEAD, now it’s the ‘HOTTEST’ Country anywhere in the World,” posted convicted felon President Trump at 1:50 AM on Sunday, furious that Lara would ever book that “Charlamagne” douche for her Saturday night show on Fox News.

The image of convicted felon President Trump appearing on the jumbotron was booed viciously by the crowd attending the fake fighting circus WWE’s premier Q3 pay-per-view wrasslin’ event at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey on Saturday, per numerous clips on Twitter.

In 2017/18, I proved the Steele Dossier was fictitious intelligence, weaponized by corrupt FBI officials to deceive a federal judge and unlawfully spy on then presidential candidate Trump’s campaign- all paid for by his opponent.

The media called me a liar.

Now I’m the FBI…

— FBI Director Kash Patel (@FBIDirectorKash) August 2, 2025

“The media called me a liar. Now I’m the FBI Director: We just uncovered burn bags/room filled with hidden Russia Gate files, including the Durham annex, and declassified them. Once again, I released the prior FBI’s own documents and exposed the truth. The same media is calling me a liar again.”

“Maybe this FBI will release more docs directly, from FBI HQ… so we can see who is lying- wouldn’t want to deprive the fake news of more bogus Pulitzers. And then… 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸,” K$H continued.

Notice how he left out the files that he said he was going to release months ago?

A truckload of wieners that could’ve been put in people’s mouths instead ended up flopping all over I-83 in Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania on Friday, the AP reports in an article headlined “Hot dog spill shuts down highway in Pennsylvania commuters’ wurst nightmare,” emphasis added.

“Crews were stuck with a job they did not relish,” the AP wrote under the lede, emphasis added again. There’s no official byline so it’s not clear whether UPI’s Ben Hooper – the redoubtable chronicler legend in the business for masterworks such as “Crash on a California highway caused an hours-long ‘traffic yam’” after a similar spill of sweet potatoes – has been poached by the larger rival wire service to serve as their most elegant quill of family-friendly, whimsical reportage.

Which would suck because that guy’s such a fucking wiener. Then again it doesn’t matter as his “style” has plainly already infected the brains of the AP writers who came up with these lame puns instead of just treating the audience like adults and going with sophomoric dick jokes. The closest they got in this article was an apparently sincere use of “tube steaks” as another term for hot dogs.

In an article headlined “Florida parent demands resignation of school board chair who celebrated Hulk Hogan’s death,” Fox News reports that they found some random dad of an Alachua County, Florida Public Schools student to demand that Sarah Rockwell, chair of the district’s baord, resign for writing “Oh did Hulk die? I didn’t even know. Good. One less MAGA in the world,” in a since-deleted post after the openly racist and fascist pro wrestler expired at age 71 on July 24th. Rockwell then added in a reply to herself that the Hulkster had “worked with the McMahons to union bust professional wrestling. He’s never been a good guy. I feel absolutely nothing about his death.”

Jeremy Clepper, whose name does not appear on voter rolls in that town in the Sunshine State, told Fox in a statement that “needs to resign because of her comment ‘good, one less MAGA in the world,’ saying she wants all MAGAs dead,” and that it’s “absolutely terrifying that someone like her is at the head of the system.” Fox News’s article then links to a video of a school board meeting at which Clepper spoke at, writing that Clepper said “he was ‘initially removed’ from the meeting but that the environment became so hostile that he ended up leaving.” The link leads to a Twitter video posted by an influencer Corey A DeAngelis “school choice evangelist,” whose profile banner features convicted felon President Trump’s boilerplate endorsement of his book “The Parent Revolution.”

You know when you really think about it, math itself is kind of like a belief system. Yes, people say that 12 + 5 = 17 but when you drill down that’s just really a widely held opinion open to subjective interpretation. Some might simply feel differently about it. Also numbers themselves are just symbols that can have all sorts of meanings. And if you think those numbers are wrong then you might understandably begin to feel like all numbers are wrong and shouldn’t be trusted.