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The S&P 500 on Monday entered bear territory which, to those unfamiliar with turns of phrase common to the financial industry, sounds like a group of people wandering haplessly into a countryside rife with vicious predators who will, without any warning whatsoever, emerge from the brush and rip their faces off if they wander too close to the bears' stash of sweet, delicious honey that they've spent years carefully harvesting from the hives of angry bees on high branches.

As of 9:58 AM EDT on Monday the S&P 500 is down 104.14 points, or 2.05 percent, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average is down 1,300.81 points, or 3.40 percent, and the Nasdaq Composite is down 324.78 points, or 2.08 percent, as the self-inflicted bear mauling continues.

In the current top article their homepage, billed as "The Great Reshoring – Major garment producer Bangladesh says US buyers halting orders" Breitbart reports that American fashion companies have been canceling their orders from manufacturers based in the impoverished south Asian country in response to the Trump Administrations imposition of a 37 percent tariff on their exports.

Then there's some details about how the country's interim leader, Muhammad Yunus, as having "pleaded" with Trump to "postpone the application of US reciprocal tariff measures" in a statement and quotes plucked from an AFP article in which a Bangladeshi garment manufacturing executive said an American "buyer asked me to stop a shipment of leather goods – including bags, belts, and wallets – worth $300,000 on Sunday… He's a long-time buyer and now both of us are in limbo."

Absent from the story is anything whatsoever about "reshoring," that these buyers are looking to American manufacturers or are slapping together plans to launch their own factories. In fact the homepage on Breitbart says "The Great Reshoring" on top of the headline but the article itself leaves that part out. It's as if it said "Florence Pugh agrees to go on a date with Breitbart correspondent Matthew Boyle" and then the report was on how she recently broke up with actor Austin Butler, lol.

Fair trade!!

- Gunther Eagleman™ (@GuntherEagleman) April 7, 2025

"Look at this lead pencil. There's not a single person in the world who could make this pencil. Remarkable statement? Not at all. The wood from which it is made – what did it take to get that wood? It was cut from a tree, probably in the state of Washington. To cut the tree, it took a saw. To make the saw, it took steel. To make the steel, it took iron ore. This black center – we call it 'lead,' but it's really graphite, compressed graphite. It comes from some mines in South America. The eraser, a bit of rubber – probably from Malaya [Malaysia], mixed with sulfur and other chemicals. The brass ferrule – I haven't the slightest idea where it came from or the knowledge or skill required to make it."

"What's true for this pencil is true for everything we have. It's so complicated, we could not exist if we had to make everything for ourselves. That's why the free market is so important. It enables millions of people to cooperate, to work together, without even knowing each other, to produce goods and services that we all benefit from," said economist Milton Friedman in a bit on his and wife Rose Friedman's 1980 TV series Free to Choose, which Elon Musk was apparently watching at 4:59 AM EDT on Monday, possibly while high on mescaline in his office in the White House annex.

The point should be obvious enough and it was to Dollar Tree Catturd-level MAGA influencer "Gunther Eagleman™," who obviously carefully and parsimoniously chose his rebuttal to the most recent of Musk's displays of discomfit with his governing partner's suicidally fucking stupid trade war. Don't expect this rift to metastasize further so you can be pleasantly surprised if it does.

"If it's a little inflationary, but it's good for national security, so be it. I mean, get over it. National security trumps a little bit more inflation. I look at tariffs, they're an economic tool, That's it… They're an economic weapon, depending on how you use it, why you use it, stuff like that. Tariffs are inflationary and not inflationary" – JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon on January 22, 2025 in an interview with CNBC's Andrew Ross Sorkin at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

"Whatever you think of the legitimate reasons for the tariffs – and, of course, there are some – or the long-term effect, good or bad, there are likely to be important short-term effects. We are likely to see inflationary outcomes, not only on imported goods but on domestic prices, as input costs rise and demand increases on domestic products… The quicker this issue is resolved, the better because some of the negative effects increase cumulatively over time and would be hard to reverse… In the short run, I see this as one large additional straw on the camel's back… The economy is facing considerable turbulence (including geopolitics), with the potential positives of tax reform and deregulation and the potential negatives of tariffs and 'trade wars,' ongoing sticky inflation, high fiscal deficits and still rather high asset prices and volatility. Markets still seem to be pricing assets with the assumption that we will continue to have a fairly soft landing… I am not so sure" – JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon on April 7, 2025 in a letter to shareholders via CNBC.

Former North Dakota Governor and now-Interior Secretary Doug Burgum is a bitchy, abusive diva to top political appointees at the department, forcing them to freshly bake chocolate chip cookies and even having them serve as waiters during a multicourse meal, the Atlantic reports.

"Burgum has also used the political appointees in his department for another purpose in recent days: stacking firewood in his office's fireplace. At times, he has instructed his staff on the finer points of arranging logs so they won't collapse and create noise when burning during meetings," the Atlantic writes about the apparent tyrannical abuses meted out on administrative professionals, something that department staffers admit happened but tried to soften it by saying that "was not intended imperiously." The sources mentioned that because Burgum worked as a chimney sweep in college he was just trying to be helpful with tips on how to properly maintain a fire, lol.

In another similar "pushback" the sources playing defense tell the Atlantic that Burgum requires all the labels be removed from bottles of water just in case they appear in social media photos to avoid making it look like he's endorsing one brand of water over another, as if the Trump Administration is known for being so meticulous with ethical issues. This is a dozen or so paragraphs down from the part detailing how Burgum ordered a National Park Service police helicopter to take him to Andrews Air Force base so he could fly with the convicted felon president down to Florida, for which Burgum ordered the pilots to turn off the GPS transponder so the flight couldn't be tracked. This was just over a week after the collision between a US Army Blackhawk and an American Eagle flight approaching DCA that killed 67 people and while Senator Ted Cruz was pushing for all federal aircraft over the DC area to keep their transponders on at all times to avoid a repeat.

"Oil prices are down, interest rates are down (the slow moving Fed should cut rates!), food prices are down, there is NO INFLATION, and the long time abused USA is bringing in Billions of Dollars a week from the abusing countries on Tariffs that are already in place. This is despite the fact that the biggest abuser of them all, China, whose markets are crashing, just raised its Tariffs by 34 percent, on top of its long term ridiculously high Tariffs (Plus!), not acknowledging my warning for abusing countries not to retaliate. They've made enough, for decades, taking advantage of the Good OL' USA! Our past 'leaders' are to blame for allowing this, and so much else, to happen to our Country. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!" posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday.

The fat fuck also denied that he's trying to crash the stock market on purpose, even though he posted some stupid video about it, saying "I don't want anything to go down. But sometimes you have to take medicine to fix something." Futures stayed deep in the red while this idiot kept talking.

"We have massive Financial Deficits with China, the European Union, and many others. The only way this problem can be cured is with TARIFFS, which are now bringing Tens of Billions of Dollars into the USA. They are already in effect, and a beautiful thing to behold. The Surplus with these Countries has grown during the 'Presidency' of Sleepy Joe Biden. We are going to reverse it, and reverse it QUICKLY. Some day people will realize that Tariffs, for the United States of America, are a very beautiful thing!" posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday evening.

Huh. Sounds kind of defensive and insecure. He didn't need to post anything at all if he's still sticking to this plan and is confident that it'll be a success. White House aides must be burning the candle at both ends to find an exit ramp for the fat fuck to declare a historic, unprecedented victory.

"As stars with trains of fire and dews of blood, Disasters in the sun; and the moist star upon whose influence Neptune's empire stands was sick almost to doomsday with eclipse: And even the like precurse of fierce events, as harbingers preceding still the fates And prologue to the omen coming on, have heaven and earth together demonstrated unto our climatures and countrymen," harkened the scribes of CNBC, the news-poste of merchants of coin upon whom the terror of morrow lurks.

Futures are down 1,336 points as of 6:53 PM EDT on Sunday precursing all you with money in stocks. Oil also fell below $60 mark, likely under the breakeven to extract it from Neptune's empire.

The first and most reliable sign that there's an apocalyptic, five-alarm clusterfuck going on in the MAGAverse is when they're utterly incapable of staying on the same page with their bullshit. That's true when it's a scandal and there are multiple different mutually-exclusive theories, lines of defense, distractions, etc, but what's been happening these last few days with the tariff disaster is, safe to say, considerably worse than the usual scandal or crime because they can't even collectively agree on whether this is a power move or a catastrophic mistake by their Orange Allah:

"I've noticed that trolls who were national security experts last week are now tariff experts this week" – Top comment on the Breitbart article "Bryson DeChambeau Praises Trump as 'Great Ambassador' for Golf amid PGA Tour-LIV Talks," posted Friday night. The article was still the top story on Breitbart's homepage as of 8:45 AM EDT on Saturday, so this is fucking hilarious that the site tries to change the subject but the douchebag (a racist fanboy from back in the days of The Hill's Disqus) goes right back to it, projecting the MAGAverse's own pathology onto what can only be liberal "trolls" ruining the MAGA safe space site's comments faster than mods can squash them.

"There is no US industry that can lower prices on all those goods. It takes years for companies to move production into the US, and Trump only has 2 years before the midterms that will probably end with him being impeached" – Top comment on the Fox Business News article "Trump's 10 percent baseline tariffs on imports from many countries now in effect," posted Saturday. Now if that comment seems ambiguous as to whether the asshole who posted it is MAGA, look no further than this other one he posted two weeks ago shrieking about "activist judges were picked for their Leftist activism by Obama and Biden by Obama and Biden and no other reason," on a story about Republicans pushing that dead-end bill to limit nationwide injunctions against the Trump regime.

"Pain is good and bad. It hurts when you begin and strengthens you when it stops. The direction of Trump's economic pain is in a positive direction to build the economy. If you recall, Biden's pain was unproductive and destructive. Killing the economic engines made us a weak nation" – Top comment on the OANN article "Trump Brushes Off China's Tariff Retaliation, Asserts His Policies Won't Change," posted Friday. If you're skeptical as to whether this asshole came up with that himself, you're probably right as at least part of it was ripped from the title of an influential 1990 paper by economist William J Baumol called "Entrepreneurship: Productive, Unproductive, and Destructive."

You knew going in that this Sunday morning's shows would be a bloodbath, you were just interested in how the blood looked spattered on the screens of American news consumers. First up this wiener Kevin Hassett complaining about the media having such a negative focus on the stock market but not that other countries are begging the Orange God Emperor to lift the tariffs, and then within a minute saying prices won't go up before staying some prices might go up. Hassett then laughed like an idiot when asked why convicted felon President Trump reposted some video asserting the fat fuck was deliberately tanking the stock market to get the Fed to lower interest rates.

Three of however few remained of the USAID workforce were laid off this week while they were in Myanmar doing what they could to help the country recover from last months catastrophic 7.7-magnitude earthquake, the notifications sent to them while they were sleeping out on the streets along with the locals who are doing so out of fear of sudden aftershocks, NBC News reports.

"This team is working incredibly hard, focused on getting humanitarian aid to those in need. To get news of your imminent termination – how can that not be demoralizing?" said Marica Wong, former deputy administrator of USAID's Bureau for Humanitarian Assistance. The workers were not canned on the spot but notified they will be in a few months, if that makes this slightly less disgraceful.

Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins is probably experiencing some neck pain from vigorously shaking her head to CNN anchor Jake Tapper's questions on Sunday morning. First in the clip is Rollins struggling to own the libs as Tapper pointed out the Trump Regime's "pollyannish" attitude as the stock market clusterfuck this week. Then, when Tapper asked why the whole policy should be taken seriously, Rollins hilariously stammered out "Well, I mean that – come on Jake. Obviously here's the bottom line. We live under a tariff regime from other countries. We have too long ceded the idea that America goes first -" Tapper interrupted her with "The McDonald islands is not imposing –" then Rollins shot back with "I mean, come on. Whatever. Listen, the people that are leading this are serious, intentional, patriotic, the smartest people I've ever worked with," to say how economic "experts" Scott Bessent, Howard Nutlick, etc in the regime know what they're doing.

Then, literally in the next breath Rollins disowned that assertion of their mastery, saying "I did not come up with the formulas [for the tariffs on Penguinland], I'm the Ag Secretary." Rollins' performance on Tapper's show was strongly reminiscent of actress Laura Dern's performance as former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris in Recount, HBO's 2008 darkly comedic dramatization of the 2000 presidential election shitshow in the Sunshine State ("Pink sugar!")

Flash floods and tornadoes striking in and around the Mississippi Valley since Wednesday took at least 16 lives by Saturday night into Sunday, the Associated Press reports.

The Trump Regime's Justice Department on Saturday place on indefinite leave Erez Reuveni, the acting deputy director of the department's immigration litigation division who on Friday admitted to a federal judge that Kilmar Abrego Garcia should not have been sent to the CECOT dungeon in El Salvador last month, with MAGA enforcer Todd Blanche informing Reuveni of the suspension for failing to "follow a directive from your superiors," in a letter obtained by the New York Times.

"At my direction, every Department of Justice attorney is required to zealously advocate on behalf of the United States," Attorney General Pam Bondi wrote in a statement to The Times on Saturday. "Any attorney who fails to abide by this direction will face consequences." Meaning the guy's probably about to lose his job because he refused to lie to a federal judge about what she already knew.

Saturday's front page of the Rupert Murdoch owned finance industry spank rag, the juxtaposition of the top two stories unmistakably intentional. The third one, about Ketamine Brain's collateral damage, includes a funny anecdote about the GOP's internal reaction to the idiot swinging a fucking chainsaw around on the CPAC stage: "Lindsey Graham told other Senate Republicans that he imagined that clip would be in every campaign commercial against vulnerable senators next year. A spokeswoman for Graham said he had worked closely with Musk on budget issues," lol.

"China has been hit much harder than the USA, not even close. They, and many other nations, have treated us unsustainably badly. We have been the dumb and helpless 'whipping post,' but not any longer. We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won't be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!" posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday morning, just minutes before CBS News reported he had arrived at the Doral golf course for the LIV tour event.

Convicted felon President Trump's minions anonymously tell CNN that the fat fuck really was avoiding the media on Friday as the stock market went to shit in reaction to his suicidal tariff policy, the closest he could get to "message discipline" to avoid making shit worse.

"The president isn't guided by the market, but of course he watches it like everyone else," an adviser told CNN. A second one said the Orange Slob is sticking to the destructive and fucking stupid policy as it's just one part of his broader economic plan. "But another person who is in touch with the president said he is getting close to his threshold for withstanding drops in the market," CNN writes.

Whether that third person is just huffing hopium or even intentionally sandbagging is unclear though one would hope this specific bit of news doesn't get to Wall Street and investors take it as an opportunity to "buy the dip" so then there's that stupid "dead cat bounce." Then Donald interprets that as a sign of renewed confidence which prolongs this shitshow. There's probably going to be a recovery day early next week either way, but the smaller and weaker it is the better.

There's more to life in Japan than Nintendo games and cartoons about teenage girls in school uniforms that have magical powers who fight against demonic entities that live underground. Take some time to learn about the nation's history and how they invented ritual suicide.

"The government respectfully submits this letter in connection with the sentencing of defendant George Anthony Devolder Santos, also known as 'George Santos' (hereinafter, 'Santos'). As set forth in the Presentence Investigation Report ('PSR'), Santos's advisory Guidelines range is 51 to 63 months' imprisonment plus a mandatory consecutive term of 24 months. (See PSR 159). The Probation Department has recommended an effective principal sentence of 75 months' custody (51 months on Count Two, followed by 24 months on Count Six). (See Sent'g Rec dated 2/7/2025). For the reasons that follow, the government submits that an effective sentence of 87 months' custody (63 months on Count Two, followed by 24 months on Count Six) is necessary to achieve the goals of sentencing in this case," says a Friday memo from Eastern District of New York prosecutors.

Feels like maybe slightly north of 50/50 that Georgie will be able to successfully lobby the Orange Overlord for a commutation, if not a full pardon. Yeah, it could just as easily go the other way given that Santos is a loser with no use to Donald, even if he is "loyal," but letting him off the hook would would piss off a lot of libs and create a news cycle that isn't the stock market crashing.