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Fucking moron falls for dated satirical article

“WOW!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday on top of a screenshot reading “DOGE halts yearly payment of $2.5 million to Barack Obama for ‘royalties linked to Obamacare.’ Obama has collected this payment since 2010, for a total of $40 million in taxpayer dollars,” that nine freaking months ago AFP identified as a joke from a satire site called the Dunning Kreuger Times.

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USDA commands states to throttle SNAP disbursements

“The US Supreme Court granted the US Department of Agriculture an administrative stay of the orders issued by the District Court of Rhode Island in Rhode Island State Council of Churches, et al v Rollins, 25-cv-569. Pending any explicit direction to the contrary from Food and Nutrition Service (FNS), States must not transmit full benefit issuance files to EBT processors. Instead, States must continue to process and load the partial issuance files that reflect the 35 percent reduction of maximum allotments detailed in the November 5 guidance. To the extent States sent full SNAP payment files for November 2025, this was unauthorized,” says the Trump USDA in a memo after the Supreme Court granted the regime a stay from having to feed needy children and families during the shutdown that Republicans caused by wanting people to pay more for health insurance.

“Accordingly, States must immediately undo any steps taken to issue full SNAP benefits for November 2025. Please advise the appropriate FNS Regional Office representative of steps taken to correct any actions taken that do not comply with this memorandum. Per 7 CFR 271.7(h), failure to comply with this memorandum may result in USDA taking various actions, including cancellation of the Federal share of State administrative costs and holding States liable for any overissuances that result from the noncompliance. We are committed to keeping you as up to date as possible and appreciate your continued partnership to serve program beneficiaries across the country. State agencies with questions should contact their FNS Regional Office representative.”

It’s not clear if the regime wants states to rip away part of the balances from the cards of SNAP beneficiaries if they got their full allotment for the month. Sure seems possible though.

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Lankford not all that concerned over Oklahomans’ ACA costs

Republican Oklahoma Senator James Lankford said a lot about the health insurance increases more than 300,000 of his constituents are facing with the expiry of ACA subsidies on Sunday but what he left out was anything about actually addressing it, so no, he’s gonna let the chips fall and trust that they blame Joe Biden and the Democrats for expanding the subsidies in 2021.

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Massachusetts police chief personally oversees sex sting operation

The chief of the small Berkshire Mountains town of Cheshire’s police department really stepped up to help the Massachusetts State Police pull off a prostitution sting on Thursday, helping them nail a high-profile creep by personally getting involved in the operation, News 10 Albany reports.

And yup Chief Michael Alibozek, 53, was arrested in a middle school parking lot where he thought he was meeting an unstated someone for sex in exchange for cash. Neither the DA nor the “Staties” say who Alibozek believed he was chatting with and intended to meet. If it was a sexy 24 year-old female Korean masseuse then the article might have said that, soooo not great for Chief Mike.

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Karoline thinks Trump Stadium would be “beautiful”

Asked by CBS News to comment on reports that convicted felon President Trump is trying to get the Washington Commanders’ new stadium inside DC named after him, Nazi psychopath press secretary Karoline Leavitt said simply “That would surely be a beautiful name, as it was President Trump who made the rebuilding of the new stadium possible.” The Commanders had no comment.

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Released Capitol rioter arrested for kidnapping and sexual assault

“A man who was once accused of firing a gun during the Jan 6, 2021, riot at the US Capitol was taken into custody last month after he was wanted for aggravated kidnapping and aggravated sexual assault in Utah. The Salt Lake County, Utah, warrant was issued on Oct 1 for John Banuelos.”

“On Oct 17, the Cook County Sheriff’s Fugitive Apprehension Unit, working with the US Marshals Great Lakes Regional Fugitive Task Force, set up surveillance near 29th Street and Cicero Avenue in Cicero after learning that Banuelos may be in the area. Officers spotted a man fitting the 40 year-old’s description entering a fast-food restaurant in the 2900 block of South Cicero, then observed him leaving the restaurant and getting into the back seat of a vehicle that had pulled into the parking lot. Officers stopped the vehicle, positively identified the passenger as Banuelos, and took him into custody. The driver, who was working for a rideshare company, was then able to leave the scene.”

“Banuelos was charged last year for the Jan 6, 2021, shooting that had no reported injuries. That case was dismissed in January following President Trump’s order pardoning those charged in the riot. Banuelos, of Summit, remains in custody at Cook County Jail. The public is reminded that defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law,” says the Cook County, Illinois Sheriff’s Office in a press release issued Friday after Banuelos was cuffed in Cicero.

Details on when Banuelos committed the offense are still pending but given that he was 100 percent behind bars until January 20, 2025, it is extremely likely that the sexual assault and kidnapping are DIRECTLY attributable to Trump pardoning him for the January 6th charges he had yet to be tried for. Thus whoever it was that Banuelos victimized was really victimized by the Orange God Emperor.

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House GOP worried Stefanik could cost them a few seats

Utterly loathsome upstate New York Congresswoman Elise Stefanik’s gubernatorial bid is giving House Republicans nausea knowing that her disgusting personality and shrill affect – as well as fanatic loyalty to convicted felon President Trump – could make what’s expected to be a bad year even worse as her being on the ballot may drag down Empire State frontliners, Politico reports.

“Nominating Elise would be like putting Trump at the top of the ticket next year and hoping everyone survives,” said one Republican operative and of-fucking-course he’s anonymous.

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Trump retakes ownership of economy

“The Democrats are winning in that they are destroying our great, miracle economy, which is exactly what they set out to do. TERMINATE THE FILIBUSTER!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, forgetting that it’s supposed to be Joe Biden’s economy again because of inflation.

The fat bastard then posted “I am recommending to Senate Republicans that the Hundreds of Billions of Dollars currently being sent to money sucking Insurance Companies in order to save the bad Healthcare provided by ObamaCare, BE SENT DIRECTLY TO THE PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CAN PURCHASE THEIR OWN, MUCH BETTER, HEALTHCARE, and have money left over. In other words, take from the BIG, BAD Insurance Companies, give it to the people, and terminate, per Dollar spent, the worst Healthcare anywhere in the World, ObamaCare,” because he’s that fucking stupid that he thinks the tax subsidies are somehow paid directly to the insurance companies.

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Raskin obtains emails Maxwell sent from Club Fed

House Judiciary Ranking Dem Jamie Raskin this week obtained emails sent and received by convicted sex offender Ghislaine Maxwell at the Club Fed in Bryant, Texas, telling her friends and family how much she was enjoying her time there relative to the actual prison she’d been previously incarcerated at in Tallahassee, Florida, NBC News reports. The content of the emails from Maxwell themselves isn’t so illuminating so much as the fact that Raskin was able to obtain them from the Bureau of Prisons at all, being in the minority and constantly stonewalled by the Trump Regime.

“The kitchen looks clean too — no possums falling from the celling to fry unfortunately on ovens, and become mingled with the food being served,” Maxwell wrote in one email.

Also not particularly newsworthy given that it was previously reported at other outlets is that other inmates wrote shit like “They are even delivering her meals to her and NO inmates is allowed to prepare her meals,” further filling in the picture of her bubble wrapping.

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Orange Hitler orders DOJ to make it look like he’s fighting inflation

“I have asked the DOJ to immediately begin an investigation into the Meat Packing Companies who are driving up the price of Beef through Illicit Collusion, Price Fixing, and Price Manipulation. We will always protect our American Ranchers, and they are being blamed for what is being done by Majority Foreign Owned Meat Packers, who artificially inflate prices, and jeopardize the security of our Nation’s food supply. Action must be taken immediately to protect Consumers, combat Illegal Monopolies, and ensure these Corporations are not criminally profiting at the expense of the American People. I am asking the DOJ to act expeditiously,” posted convicted felon President Trump.

This is basically what former Vice President Kamala Harris said she was going to do on the campaign trail… She also said she wasn’t going to start moronic trade wars but you know, Joe Rogan.

“While Cattle Prices have dropped substantially, the price of Boxed Beef has gone up — Therefore, you know that something is ‘fishy.’ We will get to the bottom of it very quickly. If there is criminality, those people responsible will pay a steep price!” the pathetic old bastard later continued.

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Dem proposal to end shutdown goes nowhere

Senate Republicans on Friday rejected Democrats’ offer to cave on the continuing resolution in exchange for a one-year extension of the expiring Obamacare tax credits and subsidies that, if not addressed, will fuck over millions of Americans. “It’s a horrible idea,” MAGA Kansas Senator Roger Marshall told Semafor’s Burgess Everett. “We might as well go home and start over again. It’s disappointing that they think that this is what’s going to open the government,” Marshall added.

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“The reason I don’t want to talk about affordability is because everybody knows it’s far less expensive under Trump”

There’s almost too much free footage above for Dem shops to use for ads. This fat fucking asshole serious just said “affordability” is a “con job by the Democrats” after a reporter called him out for lying about a new lower price for the $25 Walmart Thanksgiving dinner package relative to last year while Biden was still in office (the price is the same but it comes with far less than it did in 2024).

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Bill Gates’s team announces newest food supply takeover plot

“The Gates Foundation today announced a new commitment to advancing climate adaptation, helping smallholder farmers build resilience to a warming world and protect hard-won gains against poverty. Announced at COP30 in Belém, Brazil, where leaders are emphasizing locally driven adaptation, the four-year, $1.4 billion investment will expand access to innovations that help farmers across sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia adapt to extreme weather. In these regions, where food security and livelihoods depend on agriculture, smallholder farmers and the communities they feed are among the most exposed to droughts, floods, and rising temperatures. Yet less than 1 percent of global climate finance targets the growing threats to these vital food systems,” says the Gates Foundation in a press release that dropped a few hours ago and is probably already being closely scrutinized by the most Adderall-overfueled of the “research community.”

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MAGA Land as graceful and dignified as usual after a bad night

A year after having suffered what was absolutely the most horrific and cruel defeat in modern political history, you could say that the folks in the anti-MAGA coalition have extinguished whatever exuberance and hubris existed within them and replaced it with pure grit and searing vendetta. First quarter of a four-year slog that’s just one chapter in what will be a generational fight to not just restore sanity and decency to public life, but ensure that never again do the least among us have any significant voice in power… NOW you can go back and forth all you want about the accuracy of that rosy read of the most engaged members of the blue electorate is accurate, nobody’s ever seriously going to expect the same from the Trump fanboys because holy shit they right are back to form after Tuesday’s beatdown. The copium floweth freely on the MAGA interwebs:

“We all knew it would happen. Enjoy the sharia patrols and the obnoxious call to prayer at 5am everyday” – Top comment on the Gateway Pundit’s article headlined “RIP NYC – Muslim Communist Zohran Mamdani Wins New York City Mayoral Race.” He sounds just like those libs who warned that if Trump won ICE would be unleashed to commit horrific human rights abuses and that a wave of unimaginable corruption would swamp the presidency and government, so maybe he’ll be right.

“Can’t the voters claim they are disenfranchised (Democrats favorite word) if 44 percent of the state is popular vote for Republicans, but only 10 percent of the congressional representatives end up Republican? They are not getting adequate representation” – Top comment on Fox News’s California Prop 50 passage article. Of course this asshole has never heard of Wisconsin, about as close to 50-50 in 2024 as you can get but 6 of 8 Congressional districts are still held by Republicans.

“If I drive 116 mph in a 65 mph posted speed limit, I can plead the Jones defense. No jail time, small fine, license not suspended, and I can cheat on my community service. Then I will be rewarded by dumbass voters. I’m crying over this” – Top comment on Twitchy’s article about Jay Jones winning in Virginia. The actual speeding ticket Jones got is was for doing 85 in 55 mph zone in 2022, but the exaggeration aside, lol. Didn’t another politician get convicted of 34 felonies and then get “rewarded by dumbass voters” in the form of being spared from likely dying in prison for his crimes?

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Biden “informant” released from prison

Alexander Smirnov, the former FBI source that fed the agency a load of bullshit about former President Joe Biden accepting bribes from who the fuck knows what Eastern European scumbag, the Republicans couldn’t even get their story straight, and who MAGA Congressman Brad Wenstrup claimed was the victim of a “two tiered justice system,” then last year pleaded guilty to causing the creation of a false and fictitious record in a federal investigation – as in that FD-1023 form the dipshits hailed as a “smoking gun” of the “Biden Crime Family” atrocities in 2023 – as well as three counts of tax evasion added in a later indictment, has been released from prison pretty early into his six year sentenced – as long as four months ago, indie journo Jacqueline Sweet reports.

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